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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that MIL shouldn't really have disappeared with DS?

14 replies

boundarybabe · 16/09/2009 09:32

Ok, this is not a MIL bashing thread - for the record I love my MIL to bits and she is a fantastic Nan - I just want opinions as to whether you would have felt this was acceptable.

DS (6 months) and I have had a cold the past week or so - DH was going to see some friends on Sunday and took DS with him to give me a break. FIL was also there. DS was grumpy and ended up having his afternoon bottle about an hour early at 1pm. MIL popped in at about 4 and offered to take him for a walk to settle him. No prob says DH but he will need feeding soon. MIL then disappears for about 2 hours - when they finally got hold of her on her mobile she was at her friend's house. DH went round and gave him his bottle there which he gunned down. As a result he missed his evening solids and of course I ended up doing a night feed which I don't normally have to do.

Normally I would have no problem with her taking him off - I trust her completely with DS and I know she has a habit of letting time get away from her. But AIBU to think that if you take a baby out for anything longer than about half an hour close to a feedtime you should take some means of changing a nappy and feeding them? To my knowledge DS didn't even have anything to drink while they were out and he has a cough ATM.

What do you think? NB I don't need to have it out with her as I know FIL will probably tell her off! I just want to know if I am being a bit PFB about this?

OP posts:

Romanarama · 16/09/2009 09:34

A bit PFB yes. He was safe and it wasn't that long. It's easy to get hysterical about sticking to babies' routines, but I don't think they notice whether they've had the 'right' amount of solids etc. Enjoy the break and be glad your mil doesn't mind having a grumpy snotty hungry baby for the afternoon!

LisaD1 · 16/09/2009 09:35

Hiya,

I don't think you ABU to be a little p'd off but it sounds as though your MIL just lost track of time and I would assume your LO can't have been making too much fuss as I'm sure she would have soon got the message from a hungry baby! Maybe just make sure she always has the changing bag with her (with a feed in it) just in case.

Hope you and your DS are better now.

ScarletBandit · 16/09/2009 09:37

I can totally understand why you feel unhappy about this, but did your MIL not just think she was doing you a favour by taking him out for a bit.

I know he was late getting his next bottle, but I would assume that he wasn't screaming for food or she would have brought him back sooner?

Don't let it worry you as you obviously have a good relationship with her, and she is good with your ds, just be glad that you got a couple of hours off!

MmeLindt · 16/09/2009 09:37

YANBU that she should have thought about bottles/nappies etc when she went off to her friends.

Sounds like she wanted to show him off. As Grannies do.

I would make sure that you keep a spare bottle/milk/nappies in the pram and tell her when to use them.

Firawla · 16/09/2009 09:43

yanbu as take him for a walk to settle him, and take him to her friends for 2 hours are two different things, she should have said what she intended

Original poster

boundarybabe · 16/09/2009 09:46

Fair enough. BTW this all happened when he was out with DH so I knew nothing about it at the time - DH is a bit more anal about routine than me (I think because he's less confident) so I only heard his second hand version. I suspect he was more peed off because he wanted to come home and couldn't get hold of MIL for over an hour because she wasn't answering her phone!

I know FIL would have been really annoyed with her about being uncontactable so between him and DH it would probably have seemed a bigger deal than it was IYSWIM!

OP posts:

2rebecca · 16/09/2009 10:13

Her going off for 2 hours and being untontactable when she said she was just going for a walk is the unreasonable bit. If she intially meant to do a short walk and then met a friend and got chatting then she should have rang from the friend's. Disappearing with someone else's child, even if it's your grandchild isn't on. I agree the feeding isn't really the issue here and baby would have moaned if he was hungry.
It means from now on she'll have to be treated like a child and given a time to have the baby back by as you can't trust her if she just goes out for "a walk".

diddl · 16/09/2009 10:24

Well, I think it was up to your hubby to make sure your Mum had everthing she needed.

But really, it was a thoughtful gesture on her part.

I was out with my own mother once when my first started to "grizzle" for a feed.
I was bfeeding, so wanted to go straight back to her house (about 10 mins) to feed in comfort.

Then she saw a couple of people she knew to whom she wanted to show baby.

This would have added about an hour on!

And I would have been feeding on a bench in the High street-that´s not a problem but her house was preferable to me.

In her excitement to "show off",she was forgetting what baby needed!

littleducks · 16/09/2009 10:29

Honestly with my 6 mo pfb i would have been worried sick for an hour if i couldnt phone my mil and had no clue where she was and had been expecting her to only have gone for 30 min or so

I wouldnt have been to worried about the schedule changing as babies with colds tend to get off track as long as he wasnt upset with hunger and ignoring him

ginnny · 16/09/2009 10:29

My MIL did this when ds1 was a baby. She took him shopping and said she'd be back when the shops shut.
She bought him back at 9.30pm by which time I was frantic. She'd forgotten to mention that she went to Bluewater, which doesn't close till 10pm.
She did take nappies and bottles though and he was fast asleep in the pram most of the time, but I was furious that she hadn't told me, she just assumed I knew she meant Bluewater .

Roomfor2 · 16/09/2009 10:39

I can see how you would be worried/a bit annoyed, but it sounds like an honest mistake to me. These things happen I suppose. You and DH are so in tune with the routine, but others aren't, so might bot realise that a critical deadline had slipped past them.

She was probably thinking of you, thinking that a nice long break was good for you, with your cold etc, and just forgot the consideration of the baby's feeding time.

beaniesinthebucketagain · 18/09/2009 17:47

YANBU, the main bit that would worry me was the non answering of the mobile, if look after anyones child im really paranoid that my phones available to them as i know id go into a spin if i couldnt contact anyone, even dp, when they had my children. And also 30mins means 30mins not a 2hr gossip at a friends, sorry maybe im a mil basher but id be seriously cheesed off!

katiestar · 18/09/2009 19:09

YANBU ,but let it go.She thought she was doing a favour giving you a nice long break when you were feeling under the weather.I am sure if the baby was hungry he would have shouted the place down and she would have come back very hastily.
Also I wonder if what yourDs told your MIL was qwuite the same as what he told you he said

MaMight · 18/09/2009 19:15

Well, if ds had been thirsty / hungry / needed a nappy change then he would have let everyone know, and loudly. If he was quite happy while she was chatting to her friend then I don't think SWBU, and was more likely just giving your dh a break. I don't suppose she realised you'd end up doing a night feed because of her and it sounds like her intentions were good.

So, in conclusion, YAB a bit U, and also routines that cannot be deviated from must be such a pain in the arse.

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