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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be irritated by my friend saying that she doesn't want to breastfeed because it's "earth mother-ish"

64 replies

hunterhuntsworth · 15/09/2009 13:26

I do know that iabu as she has a 2yo ds & newborn dd & is struggling to see how she can fit b-feeding around her ds's routine but i just prickle when says she doesn't want to because she's not an earth mother and doesn't want to be getting her boob out the whole time. Obviously when she asks my opinion i just say you have to do what you're comfortable with but I still get really irrationally annoyed!!

OP posts:
traceybath · 15/09/2009 13:28

Well it depends - if you're sat bf at the time she says this then its rude. However its her choice and perhaps she's just saying that in a defensive way . . .

However don't get how she can't bf as she already has a 2 year old. I have a 5 year old, 20 month old and am currently bf a 7 week old. But I'm lazy and find bf easier than ff.

diddl · 15/09/2009 13:28

YANBU!

What an odd thing to say!

Why can´t she breastfeed a newborn with a 2yr old son?

anonacfr · 15/09/2009 13:29

What's wrong with being an earth mother?

RubyrubyrubyRevel · 15/09/2009 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weegiemum · 15/09/2009 13:35

YANBU, she is looking for excuses and finding them. As others have said, the 2 year old thing is a total red herring - I bf ds (dd1 exactly 2 when he was born) and then dd2, when ds was 22 months and dd1 just under 4. Much much easier than faffing with bottles, IME!

Ealingkate · 15/09/2009 13:36

Do you think it's her way of wanting to say that she feels it's too much for her??
I definitely had my moments, after DD2 was born, of thinking that I couldn't keep doing the nights and then being up all day with DD1. I think the only reason I kept going was because changing to ff was too much effort and I had no idea what you had to do.
It sounds like a defense mechanism rather than a real reason.

charleymouse · 15/09/2009 13:37

It is a lovely time for DS to sit on her nap for a story (or CBeebies) whilst nipping bonding with his little sister.

allaboutme · 15/09/2009 13:38

I BF triplets with 18 month old twins, sitting on a mountain top in high winds surrounded by men pointing guns at me so OF COURSE she could do it. Must be lazy.

diddl · 15/09/2009 13:39

If she doesn´t want to bfeed, why not just say so?

I did it as I couldn´t see the point of mixing formula, sterilising bottles when the alternative was to "whip it out" and latch baby on.

Seemed much the easiest (and cheapest option to me)

BunnyLebowski · 15/09/2009 13:46

When I get described as an earth mother I take it as a compliment!!

I can't see that being the real reason she doesn't want to.

Did she bf her 2 year old?

scaryteacher · 15/09/2009 13:47

Perhaps she's scared to say that she doesn't want to breast feed, and judging by the response on here I can see why. Not everyone wants to.

thumbwitch · 15/09/2009 13:48

I think YANBU to be irritated by her "reason" as it is a bit facile, but in the end it is her choice if she wants to bf or not. Does seem a bit of a silly thing for her to have said though.

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 15/09/2009 13:49

but she has said she doesn't want to breastfeed.

She just felt she needed to justify it by lumping other mothers into a stereotype.

Original poster
hunterhuntsworth · 15/09/2009 13:55

THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!! So pleased to get those responses!!! Of course it is totally up to her but her reasoning just riles me - I would rather she just said to me 'I don't want to breastfeed because I don't want to', this way it feels like she's negatively judging everyone else that does bf. Anyway, thank you, you've all made me feel much better I can now move on!!!

OP posts:
BunnyLebowski · 15/09/2009 13:57

I'm fine and and thankfully the horrific bruises have faded......sadly the memories haven't

thumbwitch · 15/09/2009 13:58

they will, bunny, they will - eventually - are you still getting knowing looks from the neighbours?

MoChan · 15/09/2009 16:14

I'd be irritated. I'm still breastfeeding a two year old and if anyone called me an 'earth mother' I'd punch them.

pooexplosions · 15/09/2009 16:16

What the Feck is an earth mother type meant to mean anyway?

Bucharest · 15/09/2009 16:17

Earth Mother is such a facile insult to throw at people as well. You'd think the non-bf apologists would have come up with something a bit more interesting (or even offensive) by now.

DoNotBringLulu · 15/09/2009 16:26

Maybe she feels it is something she should do but can't face it, the insult sounds like she is on the defensive, agree with TracyBath. Each to their own.

OrmIrian · 15/09/2009 16:28

I think that's up there along with 'i want my body back'

pooexplosions · 15/09/2009 16:30

Best I heard was "boobs aren't for babies, they're for blokes"

warthog · 15/09/2009 16:34

i hear big macD's are doing a weaning menu now.

BitOfFun · 15/09/2009 16:36

Why is thinking of someone who breastfeeds a two year old as an earth mother offensive to you Mochan? Just curious.

AvrilH · 15/09/2009 16:43

What do you want her to say? That she just can't face indefinitely feeding on demand, night and day with constant anxiety about weight gain? That, if she breastfed her DS, she regrets it?

I feel really sometimes that the commitment and dedication it takes for many/most women to breastfeed is trivialised. I am really happy for those who found it easier than faffing with bottles, but acknowledging that it can be tough going would make for more honest discussion.