to be irritated by my friend saying that she doesn't want to breastfeed because it's "earth mother-ish"

[hunterhuntsworth]

I do know that iabu as she has a 2yo ds & newborn dd & is struggling to see how she can fit b-feeding around her ds's routine but i just prickle when says she doesn't want to because she's not an earth mother and doesn't want to be getting her boob out the whole time. Obviously when she asks my opinion i just say you have to do what you're comfortable with but I still get really irrationally annoyed!!

Thank you MoChan that is why her comment has irritated me & I've taken offense. She has implied that bf-ers aren't interested in routine or getting their figures back or wearing nice clothes. She said "i'm just not that kind of person" - meaning she thinks bf-ers are a totally different type of mother to ff-ers which i completely disagree with.

I suppose it has annoyed me so much because she is my best friend and I don't like it when we clash like this (although of course she doesn't realise we have clashed! she has a 4 day old dd I am only saying VERY nice things to her!!!)

I struggled A LOT with bfeeding & cannot honestly say whether i am pleased i stuck with it or not, I can't help feeling hurt that she thinks I am such a different mother to her.

YANBU. It would annoy me that she was putting down people who choose to be 'earth mothers'. If she said that it feels like too much for her, then fair enough. Her call on what's too much for her. But no need to mock what other people manage to do or how they achieve it.

OPs friend justifying not wanting to bf by saying she doesnt want to be an earth mother is only as offensive as if she had said she didnt want to ff so people didnt think she was a chav ie a stupid and offensive comment. Although she was probably just being thoughtless rather than having a go at OP.

She is maybe worried that it won't come naturally to her / she will struggle with it and I can understand feeling that. She might be saying it to cover up her real feelings that it won't be easy.

Also, bf'ing can be hard going (I am having my own struggle at the moment) and I can understand that if you have more than one child it would be tempting to bottle.

However, it is a stupid thing to say. On balance YANBU but only a little - she probably lacks confidence.

My friend wont give my baby a kiss because I BF now that is odd.

It's your friends call how to feed her baby but she shouldn't really mock others how do it .

CWWM - that sounds very strange. Does she think your boobs are diseased and that your bf baby is a carrier? She might catch tititis!

Allaboutme - please tell more about your babies and the guns and what not. Where were you, and why on Earth?

think that she is tyring to defend her position and I completely understand her standpoint and why she would. I fed my boy for 8.5 months and have baby 2 due shortly and don't want to BF - I just don't, If one more person tells me how easy it is, or I should just give it a try, and "see how you feel after the birth" I might scream and be on the front pages for some crazy act of violence. There is a stigma to just not wanting to bf and if by sidestepping the issue and blaming it on not being an "earth mother" suits her then let her. with a DD at 4 days old the last thing she needs is the BF police at her door and her "best" friend slating her on a public forum.

aw you're missing my point macleody, I am NOT slating her at all or her choice of feeding, her comments have just wound me up a bit but there's no way I am going to let her know that so I am venting my spleen on here instead!

YANBU I bf twins after being in HDU and massive surgical complications, I had a toddler and 5 year old too. I only did it for few weeks sadly but I am very glad I did it those frist few weeks and I tried, who cares what it looked like/felt like it was best for the baby/ies!

I gave up breastfeeding my 2nd child when she was 12 months (gave up with my 1st at 12m as well).

Anyway, the sole reason for giving up with no. 2 was wanting my body back. I don't understand what's wrong with it - I slogged my guts out breastfeeding each of them for a year and it was hard - I never expressed and never used formula. So why was I not allowed to want my body back?

Anyway OP - I shoudl think your friend is worried about being judged for FF so she is just saying something fairly random to defend herself. Did she have a bad time trying to bf her first?

I managed to breastfeed only for 4 weeks and was made to feel guilty by anyone and everyone when I swapped to FF - husband, midwife and health visitors included, so I can understand why some people feel awkward about defending their decision to FF. When you add in the hormones/tiredness etc she probably just didn't think through what she was saying.

I had a friend who whilst pregnant with her first child stated "There is no way I'm breastfeeding, I don't want to end up with tits like an african woman".

Have to say I was gobsmacked.... but admired her honesty in some strange way!

she sounds defensive to me, probably worrying about being judged

YANBU.

Pregnancy, childbirth and the early months/years of a baby's life are an amazing opportunity to take a step back from modern society and to get in touch with your animal nature . And you see life completely differently once you have done so. What a pity to miss out...