To put my foot down and insist Christmas day is spent at home?

[FatherChristmasLittleHelper]

sorry i know it's early but every summer/starting to turn autum this problem arrises

basicially us and the inlaws want to have xmas day at our own houses.
but having everyone else over.
we normally see my side of the family boxing day

we have a toddler, who still naps in the afternoon.

we woudl like to have it here so our toddler can stay in her pjs till lunchtime if he wants, he will have all his toys here,can spend all day opening his presents if he likes, will be able to have a decent nap afetr lunch in his own cot,and then when he goes to bed at 7-8pm the partys not over.
as we won't have to come home, we can just put him upstairs to bed.

also we want our son to have happy memories of being at home at christmas.

the first year when my son was born we hosted christmas day here, the second year they sort of guilt triped us into having it there, by saying they really wanted it at there house as they had had a terrible year, they had a few fallouts with people
so we agreed.
now we are worried we have set a presedence
and when ds finally went settled for a nap fil put the queens speech on full blast! and woke him up and ds spend all afternoon grouchy and clingly to me sucking his thumb because he was tired then we went home about 7ish then that was it.

so now mil said last week,
are you goign to your family boxing day? i said expect so, so she replied what and coming here xmas day, in an assumed kind of way.
we replied well it would be easier to have to at home because ds will have all this things here, be able to nap and when he goes to bed we can carry on.
to which she replies well i don't want to put you on the spot.
so kinda avoided saying they will come to ours iyswim

anyway this awkwardness happens every year, i even posted about it last year
ffs
we would just like a tradition so every year we know what we are doing and theres none of this awkwardness
we also feel its good for us all to be together on christmas day

but what i want to know is do you think its unreasonable for us to put our foot down and say basically from now on we are spending christmas day at home because of said reasons, we would love you to join us.
ps i don't mind splittong boxing day or any other days, like if the inlaws wanted us to gno to theres for tea on boxing day

or we could go there on christmas eve or day afetr boxing or whenever really.

and if you think iam not bu, how the feel how we tell the inlaws?a

mazzystartled - fantastic your name btw, am v. - don't agree. Think HarryB is right. With a new baby in the house, she should take the time to have a relaxed family christmas with just the three of them. They might like it, or they might find that it doesn't feel christmassy without more family around. Either way, it's good to give it a try.

oops - two 'I' s missing. sorry.

Yep, we are close enough to just go for dinner, but I am having an inner strop if I'm honest. She totally hijacked my first b'day with DS this year where I sat and watched her hog him all day, and I can see the same happening Xmas day - will also have to fight the rest of them too. I think going for boxing day is a good compromise considering I have spent Xmas day and all bar one boxing days at her house too.

well that was certainly quite self sacrificing given that you didn't even have children then

how small is your lo?

och, i just think christmas isn't chrsitmas without having to put up with someone else....can you not just pop round for a turkey sandwich at tea time or something. think how happy it would make them....think of it as your present to them

I suppose I will cave nearer the time for a quiet life. Like I said, I have this inner strop every year and get so annoyed with myself for backing down every year. DH and I got married in secret and we are still paying for it. She is a major guilt-tripper.

DS will be just under a year at Christmas.

ahah....got married in secret - you have definitely got to go! forever!
but you could still have all morning at home being cosy and just you three and then go over later - on your own terms, mind.

I know, sounds ridiculous doesn't it, but 'tis true. She planned to join us on our honeymoon so we just had to go off and do it our way.

I guess we'll do a nice morning together and then we'll go to theirs for dinner, but if so, I am getting there 5 mins before it's on the table.

oh just tell her, we are having Christmas at ours an dyou are very welcome

We just take it in turns.My dd is great she makes sure I see dgc at some point in the day if it isnt our turn.My steps are the same and we never have any arguments about it-no pressure just no one is left out unless they want to be[and thats fine too].we usually have one family staying over because of distances involved.It shouldnt be a bone of contention.

YANBu. We always have Christmas at home and see relations before and afterwards. This year I'm seeing it from a different perspective as I'm now a MIL. I was talking to DD1 about Christmas a couple of weeks agoand she says she wants to spend Christmas Day with her DH which I can totally underdstand.

It sounds as though you have already put your foot down. Your MIL isn't being antagonistic and insisting you go to hers. If you and hubby want to stay at home then just do it, it may be others also want to stay at home and you have a small family Christmas.
We have no idea what we're doing this xmas. I don't see why some people plan it ages in advance unless they are hiring somewhere or going abroad.