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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have said this to my colleague?

28 replies

fedupintheoffice · 14/09/2009 11:03

My colleague is always making horrible jokes infront of other colleagues (all women) that I smell. Maybe I do, but I shower every single day and wear fresh clothes daily. I'm thinking it could be a medical problem.

The jokes are really nasty and I can see the bully and one of the colleagues she's closest to smirking when she says the nasty things. She never says outright that I smell (which I would love so I can explain how hygienic I actualy am) but it's always subtle digs.

Today she said "oooh FedUpInTheOffice, wouldn't you just hate it if you had BO...how embarassing and mortified would you be?", so I replied with "well i'd be much more mortified if I ate like a pig (she does!) and I had an attitude that made me seem like a nasty cow".

Did I do myself wrong?

OP posts:
NightShoe · 14/09/2009 11:04

Good for you. The other woman appears to be a childish bully.

LisaD1 · 14/09/2009 11:21

OMG, she sounds like a really nasty, immature, piece of work! Good on you for having a go back.

Have you got anybody you can report her to? A friendly line manager or anyone?

DesperateHousewifeToo · 14/09/2009 11:21

What a horrible situation to be in

Is there a manager you could discuss this with? Get them to warn the bully about her behaviour?

Keep a record of all the comments with time, date and what was said by whom.

somewhathorrified · 14/09/2009 11:23

You did good! You should be grinning like a cat, not worried about it.

Hando · 14/09/2009 11:25

Also. You seem to actually not know whether you do have a medical condition perhaps that causes you to sweat lots. (Not that it in any way excuses her behaviour towards you).

Perhaps you could ask a close friend if they ahve ever noticed if you smell? Askt hem to tell yo honestly. There are special deodorants you can use to stop it if it is a medical condition.

Stigaloid · 14/09/2009 11:40

YANBU - what a sily cow

DesperateHousewifeToo · 14/09/2009 11:42

They don't always work, Hando.

Also it might not be related to sweating, other medical conditions can cause odour.

Good point about getting checked out though. I'd go to GP rather than a friend. At least the GP could give some advice/treatment.

QuintessentialShadows · 14/09/2009 11:44

Poor you.
I think you should bring this up with the HR department pronto. Explain what is going on.

You did good.

flockwallpaper · 14/09/2009 11:44

YANBU at all. Your colleague is way out of order for acting like that. Agree it is worth keeping a record of comments and getting yourself checked out in case there really is a medical problem.

letsgostrawberrypicking · 14/09/2009 11:45

OOH good retort!!! What was her face like?

gorionine · 14/09/2009 11:45

that some people can be so insensitive
at your replie to her! Definitely not BU!!!!

AboardtheAxiom · 14/09/2009 11:48

YANBU - great retort She sounds horrid!

Stephief · 14/09/2009 11:50

You are 100% justified!

Well done you!

diddl · 14/09/2009 11:55

She does sound nasty.

But joking about people smelling is very childish.

Is it possible that you do have BO?

Either way, great retort!

elmofan · 14/09/2009 12:06

good for you she sounds horrible report her to your boss

diddl · 14/09/2009 12:08

Sorry, my post was cräp!

If you really have a problem, she should tell you properly, not make jokes.
She´s a nasty bully who should be sacked.

oneopinionatedmother · 14/09/2009 12:09

my husband keeps on saying that i smell bad, but only when if forget Bo-basher. roll on is a must..the sprays never worked. but no, YANBU, she's being a cow.

but be careful you don't want to get caught out in orifice politics - it only makes work more stressful than it needs to be.

Original poster
fedupintheoffice · 14/09/2009 12:24

Thanks for all your replies! It was said as I was walking out of the office and I didn't look back to see her reaction, but she definately heard. I'm due back in this afternoon and I have a feeling i'm on the same shift as her...ouch!!!

Roll on's...hmm, I would've thought they may be worse than sprays but i'm definately going to give it a try. I asked someone close if I smelled and she told me I didn't at all, but maybe I was having a good smelling day then! I always thought if I did smell, I would be able to notice myself, but maybe not.

OP posts:
ineedalifelaundry · 14/09/2009 12:32

What a horrid bitch! Her, not you. Your reply was brilliant. Hope it shuts her up this aft

happywomble · 14/09/2009 12:56

You poor thing. That lady is behaving like a child of about 11 yrs old. Although it could be that she does not have the courage to quietly say something as thinks that would offend you more.

In fact when I started secondary school people made comments that I had BO and the reason was that my mum had not bought me any deodorant. A girl in the class brought me in a Sure roll on..at the time I was mortified with embarrassment but it did the trick. I would agree that roll ons are better than sprays or sticks.

I would ask a couple of close friends if they can honestly smell anything or not as it could be the nasty ladies in the office are making the whole thing up. If you do have an odour that deodorant doesn't stop I would see a doctor as suggested by others.

gorionine · 14/09/2009 13:04

I have a similar problem to yours (possilble BO) and it is not all the time but in stressfull situations or before a periode. I second the roll on idea. When I was younger (and richer) I used this, and it used to do wonders (sorry could not find a link in English) It is not scented which means it does not clash with your perfume if you wear one.

they do a slightly scented one as well, I remember it smelt a bit like Coca Cola.

My DM swears by crystal deodorant but I have yet to try.

stickylittlefingers · 14/09/2009 13:12

I'll go against the grain here and say you are being a bit U - not because that woman doesn't sound like a complete cow who hasn't matured past 13, but because you really don't want to be brought down to her level.

And just like lots of people have said - do check with your GP. Also, even if you can't "smell yourself" as it were, can you niff at your clothes to see if they smell after you've taken them off?

I get sweaty around my period, but found the Lady Mitchum roll on takes care of it. They are more pricey, but I buy a job lot each time they're on offer. Might be worth a try.

Try not to let her get you down, tho.

onadietcokebreak · 14/09/2009 13:13

Hope this afternoon is not too difficult. You need to confront her behaviour head on otherwise it will just esaclate.

I second keeping a little diary of any comments with dates and times.

Also re the BO issue. If you are at all concerned then speak to your GP. I was recently undergoing tests for thyroid but in the end it was put down to stress (still not convinced but at least its alot better now since I gave up work)

Mitchum deodorant is fantastic. Roll on is best but takes a moment to dry so I keep the spray or stick handy for when im in a rush.

If sweating is quite extreme the driclor is another option.

onadietcokebreak · 14/09/2009 13:14

Stickylittlefingers...great minds think alike and yes I stock up whenever its on offer!

AliGrylls · 14/09/2009 13:25

The thing is, is that if no-one close to you has actually mentioned it then the likelihood is that you don't have a problem with BO.

I would keep a couple of retorts up my sleeve that you could fire back in case she starts again. However, she will probably leave you alone now that you have stood up to her. It must have been very therapeutic saying that to her.