with dh ????? I hope I am !!

[mosschops30]

its been a bit of a rocky week, dh been working long hours, out at 6am, home at 10pm.

Ive felt a bit neglected, if I call him, or he calls me he's quite distant and vague, although according to him its because he busy.

He's taken up windsurfing in the past few months which has been a bit of a bug-bear, not because I mind him doing stuff (which is what he thinks my problem is) its just that every new hobby he has completely takes over his life.
For example a couple of years ago it was shooting, he bought a gun and a hundred magazines on it, spent a few days out shooting with some bloke from work, then got bored. Then it was fishing, again lots of magazines and books, hundreds spent on fishing rods and reels and bait, lasted approx a year, hasnt been for ages. Then last year it was photography, he spent about 1k on camera, new lens, photography course. Now this year its been windsurfing, again new boards, sails, wetsuit, and he really enjoys it, but it comes before everything, he has to go one day every weekend no matter what.
Last night he asked if i thought he should do the next part of the camera course (£200) one night a week. I had a bit of a moan about money, and he said he works hard and that he should be able to spend his money on what he wants, which I agree with up to a point.
But he is not managing his money well at all at the moment IMHO, but if I say that he gets all huffy.
I have saved £300 a month for the last 7 months to get me through my unpaid mat leave, this is so that I still pay everything I pay now, including half the mortgage.

We had a huge row last night, he says that he hasnt got a problem, that hes happy and that if im uphappy then I need to sort it out, he says im controlling and hate him doing anything.

He expected me to be normal this morning, despite him being so rude last night, and then flew off the handle again because i wasnt 'over it'.

IMHO I dont think I should let him talk down to me, not listen to my opinion, tell me to get a life, not take resposnibility for anything that happens in this relationship, then expect me to wake up with a 'morning darling'

If I didnt know better Id say he's acting as bad as possible so I tell him to leave, then he wont feel guilty for leaving his pg wife .... or am I just being dramatic?

Opinions please

(oh and hes gone out again - on his own because ds wanted to stay with me!)

[Emlouwhite]

You should ask him plainly how he would feel if it were the other way round, if you can actually get him to properly thinking about it he may realise why it's such an issue for you. It sounds like he's being quite dimissive of your feelings which isn't fair.

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

mosschops - how's things?

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

Bump to see how mosschops is.

[allaboutme]

It sounds like you are normally happy with your set up but that its not working out right now while you are earning less on maternity leave. Perhaps he is woried that you are not happy with your set up in general and is avoiding arguing about it?
I think I'd work out what was really important that you are able to do/buy and then use that to open a discussion with, like the car seat.
For example calmly I'd say to him 'I'm sorry I upset you last night (even if you dont think you did anything to apologise for, you can just apologise for upsetting him to appease him!) I'm feeling a little stressed with being pregnant and on maternity leave as things are quite tight for me at the moment. USUALLY I am perfectly happy with how we work things and dont want to change things permanently, but at the moment while I am on leave having our baby I am earning 1/3 of my usual amount and cant afford to buy very basic necessities to keep our baby safe such as the car seat. I'm really worrying and getting stressed about it. It is stressing me more because I can see that you are still able to spend as much as usual on your expensive hobbies. Please can we sit down and work out something that will make things a little fairer for the period that I'm on maternity leave?'
How do you think he'd react to that?

[mosschops30]

well just to update you, and to thank you for all your (un-MN) reasonable suggestions

dh returned, and we spoke briefly, him saying Im making a drama out of a crisis and just looking for an argument.
After that, he took us out for dinner, then bought lots of goodies from shop for us to tuck into whilst watching x-factor together as a family.
Then yesterday we went out to the beach, ate chips at the park, had ice cream, then came home and I cooked dinner and he tidied up.
This morning he had done a cheque for ds's dinner money and left me cash for petrol as he'd used my car all weekend

Im wondering if he has a twin I dont know about
Oh and I can also have the car seat and we talked about the course etc. All good

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

Brilliant!

Fabulous!

Just how it should be .

[mosschops30]

Lol FBG ...long may it last (well at least for a week or so )

How are you? Good weekend?

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

Yep

I feel really really good today.

I am loving my new guinea pigs.

Am getting the house work and other jobs done.

Sat in the run with the piggies today but had to put them back as rain was threatening.

Just made chocolate and cherry muffins.

Off to do the ironing now.

Thanks for asking .

[mosschops30]

youre making me feel lazy but sounds like a good day, have fun!