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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be in tears at the thought of the dentist.

40 replies

coolma · 12/09/2009 07:30

..I mean I've had three children, over 30 operations when I was a child and yet, I am in a terrible state! One of my side teeth has been gradually crumbling away for about a year and now the front part in literally falling off in bits. I went with one of my colleagues to her dentist on Thursday to watch her dentist (is that wierd?) and he seemed very nice but I am so so scared! Have had lots of dental work in the past, but I'm always like this. I know by wednesday night (appt on thurs) I will literally be crying all night at the thought. What can i do?

OP posts:
malovitt · 12/09/2009 07:40

I had a terrible fear of the dentist, so found one who offered sedation before your treatment. I think it was some sort of valium injection. Made a huge difference to me.

Was a few years back though - wonder if they still do it?

thighsmadeofcheddar · 12/09/2009 07:40

I'm not sure what you can do, but I wanted to sympathise. I have a terrible dentist phobia. Last time I went I had a general so I could have a whole waft of stuff done (shamefully over 7 years ago).
Try and relax and just explain to the dentist how very scared you are and can he please keep that in mind. There are some dentists who specialise in looking after people like us who are nervous. I need to find one!

big deep breaths, you can do it!

Original poster
coolma · 12/09/2009 07:43

Thank you. he knows i'm scared so that's the first hurdle I guess. The last one did actually give me valium to take before i went! May ask for that. It's such a ridiculous phobia isn't it?

OP posts:
LoveBeingAMummy · 12/09/2009 07:44

The main thing is to find one you trust and be honest about how scared you are. If you find that you don't like him then change.

5Foot5 · 12/09/2009 16:19

So sorry you feel like this.

As a child I was terribly afraid of dentists and once ran home from school to avoid the school dentist.

On two or three occasions I needed extractions and my Mum thought it would be easier for me to have gas to put me out while this was done.

For years after I was scared and it was only when I was in my twenties that I was able to rationlise my fears. I realised then that I wasn't actually bothered about the treatment itself, it was the anaesthetic that scared the willies out of me. So my Mum's belief that the gas would make it less traumatic for me actually led to a long standing fear that took nearly 20 years to overcome!

I know this probably doesn't help much but I sympathise and you shouldn't feel your phobia is ridiculous because it is one that is shared by many people.

Hope all goes well for you

5Foot5 · 12/09/2009 16:22

BTW I had a tooth filled about a month ago because it had been hurting when I ate on that side.

He had to drill the whole thing out and then re-fill it.

After all that I Found he had filled the wrong tooth. I feel such a fool that I am putting up with it for a bit longer because it seems such astupid thing to admit that I sat there and let him do all that to the wrong tooth.

But it is a bit hard to tell where they are in your mouth when it is all numb and disoriented....

ElenorRigby · 12/09/2009 16:29

Try TOP (Triumph Over Phobia)
They have workshops that can help with all sorts of phobias and OCD.
YANBU phobias are very real to the people suffering from them.

Original poster
coolma · 12/09/2009 16:30

I think you're right - it's the injections I'm actually scared of - and the poking about - I'm terrified he'll poke something and it will hurt me!! I had a tooth out about 5 years ago (having had a valium beforehand!) and it really wasn't a problem. It's the initial preparation so to speak. I will be there on Thursday morning though...and I will be a big brave bear!!

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 12/09/2009 16:41

Have you ever seen the film "Marathon Man" with Dustin Hoffman and Laurence Oliveier?

If you haven't, don't!

Original poster
coolma · 12/09/2009 17:01

Arghhh!! My dh keeps threatening to show me that - I once accidentally saw about a second of that scene and ran away screaming!!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 12/09/2009 17:04

Could you book a session with a hypnotherapist? I believe they are very effective for this kind of thing.

InMyLittleHead · 12/09/2009 17:06

YA so NBU!

I was terrified of the dentist, and still am pretty scared. Something that worked for me was finding another dentist who was known for being good with nervous patients (mine worked especially with children, so was v. good with the small and scared). I was completely open with him about the fact that I was scared and ended up crying before he had even looked in my mouth! But he was very good and showed me all the instruments he was going to use, and that helped. (I was particularly paranoid about the pointy thing they use to scrape gunk out of your teeth, as I thought that he might push too hard and it would go straight through my tooth - never going to happen - he showed me how it had a tiny ball on the end so was not totally sharp) He also kept telling me what he was going to do and asked if it was OK.

Bear in mind this was just for a check-up; I didn't actually have anything done...

Popping a few Diazepam/Valium beforehand is a good idea as well, just to chill everything out a bit.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 12/09/2009 17:09

sympathies coolma. I am petrified and haven't been for years. Need 3 fillings and getting some pain in 2 of the teeth. I am too scared to go (cant afford it either mind)

HigherThanAWombat · 12/09/2009 17:25

Can you ask for sedation?

chegirl · 12/09/2009 19:45

I feel so ashamed about not going to the dentist. I didnt go for years because I hated my teeth. My parents never took me so they were in a terrible state. Very crooked and over crowded. i never smiled and had terrible image issues.

Then i went and got them fixed. They were not perfect but it changed my life. I happily went for years.

Then my DD got sick and since she died I have developed a dreadful hatred of any clinical setting. The smells and noises give me awful flashbacks (I had my DS3 at home because of this). I hate the thought of my teeth spoiling the way I look and feel like a wimp but I am so close to tears when I think of going. I am terrified they are going to tell me all my teeth are going to fall out.

We cannot afford cosmetic work so if I loose them, thats it.

Isnt it ridiculous? After all my DD went through and I am scared of the dentist. I feel a fool.

chegirl · 12/09/2009 19:45

I feel so ashamed about not going to the dentist. I didnt go for years because I hated my teeth. My parents never took me so they were in a terrible state. Very crooked and over crowded. i never smiled and had terrible image issues.

Then i went and got them fixed. They were not perfect but it changed my life. I happily went for years.

Then my DD got sick and since she died I have developed a dreadful hatred of any clinical setting. The smells and noises give me awful flashbacks (I had my DS3 at home because of this). I hate the thought of my teeth spoiling the way I look and feel like a wimp but I am so close to tears when I think of going. I am terrified they are going to tell me all my teeth are going to fall out.

We cannot afford cosmetic work so if I loose them, thats it.

Isnt it ridiculous? After all my DD went through and I am scared of the dentist. I feel a fool.

nbee84 · 12/09/2009 20:02

I have awful teeth - not a single one without a filling, several at the front are capped and one at the back has been extracted. I loathe the dentist and it is the drilling that I hate the most. My knuckles turn white and my heart races and I feel jittery for a couple of hours afterwards as well - even though it is all over and done with.

I have a sympathetic dentist and though I have to have valium before I have work done on any front teeth, I can just about bear having the back ones done without it. Once I've booked the appointmet I then have to block it out of my mind and refuse to think about it until I am leaving the house to go to the dentists surgery.

So... you have my deepest sympathy, but you will get through it. You've made some good first steps by going to your friends dentist.

slowreadingprogress · 12/09/2009 20:55

I'd suggest making your appointments well in advance so that you can get the first appointment of the day. If I'm going in at 8.30am then that's great because I will not spend the entire day working myself up. It's a simple tip but it really helps me!

lostthewill · 12/09/2009 21:55

I totally understand. I didn't go for years for the very same reason but found a fantastic dentist. She was so understanding when I walked into her room sobbing and took everything at my pace. I even slightly look forward to visiting her now. I think it can help massively if you find the right dentist.

Good luck

TeamCullenAllTheWay · 12/09/2009 22:04

Another one here who understands!

I didn't go for years as I am so scared - I lying back in the chair. It makes me feel so vulnerable and panicky when I'm flat on my back with someone leaning in over me. I end up sitting with my hands in fists until I get pins and needles.

As a result of never going, I have countless fillings, and lost 5 teeth at the back and am now in the position of being 34 and having to wear a partial denture as the big gaps at the back meant my front teeth started moving.

I have now found an ok dentist - still terrified but so ashamed of my teeth, I am determined my kids won't be the same.

I'm saving for teeth implants some time in the future and vow to beat my phobia.

I completely know where you are coming from.

p.s. chegirl - very very sorry to hear about your DD.

groundhogs · 12/09/2009 22:06

you know it will be OK, and you know you have to do it... deep breaths, a few mega squirts of rescue remedy.. and call the dentist and tell him you are bottling out, get him to give you a couple of Valiums for the night before and the morning of...

Tell the dentist that you are scared of needles, scared of the injection and scared of feeling pain, so ask him to give you a full dose of the anaesthetic (sp?).

How about taking some teething gel, and rubbing your gums with it so you don't feel the needle going in?

It'll be OK, i know exactly what you are feeling, have had a stack of stuff done too, was FINE, got really used to it all.. One horrific operation and I ended up going home and literally passing out with post traumatic shock...

When I got back to the UK, one of my teeth fell apart and it had to come out, i was beside myself, but I really couldn't take the pain any more.

Don't let it get to that, you can do it, we're all rooting for you! (no pun intended!!)

So no, YANBU to feel like you do, but it would be an unreasonable thing to do to yourself, to give in and leave it. Good luck!

gorionine · 12/09/2009 22:15

Yanbu. I used to love going to the dentist when was little. When I was pregnant with dd1 I went for a check up and clean, nothing remotely majour but the dentist hurt me so much and I felt for weeks afterwards like all my teeth were going to fall. I did not go again for 7 years after that!

I went again when I realised I HAD to show the example to my Dcs. It took a lot of persuasion from DH and a very long chat with the dentist before hand.

Have you always been to the same dentist? It is very important that you feel totally comfortable with your dentist, even if it means you have to chat with several of them before deciding which one to go for.

I am not sure it would be such a good idea to take anything before if you are to have something done, it might "interract" with whatever the dentist would give you?

LissyGlitter · 12/09/2009 22:29

I went a couple of years back to have two teeth out and the dentist referred me to a specialist dentist where they sedated me through a canula. I was concious throughout, but didn't remember anything afterwards. I have a vague memory of the needle going in and me opening my mouth, and then coming to in the recovery room.

I need three fillings atm, but I am trying to avoid booking an appointment, so might wait till I have had this baby and try and get sedation again.

Either that or they could do it while I am drugged up to give birth anyway...

Original poster
coolma · 12/09/2009 23:33

Wow - you're all so understanding! thank you. My dh is not scared of anything - he drove home after breaking his wrist and three ribs at cricket and gets 'irritated' if a wasp stings him, so I find it hard to explain my fears to him. I will update you all on thursdayy!!!

OP posts:
TheDMshouldbeRivened · 13/09/2009 08:28

how much is it all now? I'm afarid of the cost even if I can find an NHS dentist.