feeling really down about feeding...

[AliGrylls]

Basically have three month old baby who has failed to gain weight over past 8 weeks. His weight has stabilised at 4.9 kgs (over the past 3 weeks he has only gained 120g). Initially I was really keen to have people's advice and opinions on how I could change the way I fed him to improve his weight.

However, now I am starting to find some of the advice completely annoying and I am almost starting to feel like some people (my family and friends I have turned to) are looking at me and thinking "why doesn't she just feed him more" / "give him a hefty dose of formula". There is obviously a problem which requires seeing a paediatrician as he physically won't take any more than what I am currently giving him.

Would I be unreasonable for now telling my family and friends who I originally confided in to p* off. At least until I have seen paed.

Gosh everyone is an expert on all things baby aren't they!

YANBU - hope the pead. gives you some answers.

thank you. Yes they are. Even with a limited qualification of one baby or in my sister's case just pregnant. It is getting really upsetting.

I find grinning and saying 'gosh thats interesting I'll try that' then ignoring works for me. I suspect, annoying though it is for you, they are really just trying to help, not be critical of you or try to knock your confidence (although i don't know them they could be awful).

You know you are doing the best for baby. When is the appointment with the pead?

You poor thing Hope the paed can help.
I read wonderstuff's suggestion as "gosh thats interesting I'll try ignoring that" - a bit blunter but gets the point across

Ali - I had exactly the same thing with ds2. He lost 10oz from his birthweight, and by 6 weeks old, he hadn't regained it. He fed constantly - I used to say that he fed only once a day - from the moment he woke until the moment he slept! I had posted the whole story here, but it wouldn't be helpful to you to do so, so I've deleted it.

One thing I did realise out of my experience is that how you feed your child is so much more than just whether you breastfeed or not. You have got years of giving him delicious, healthy and varied food, and even if, as I did, you end up formula feeding, you will still end up with a delightful, healthy, intelligent, funny, messy, infuriating, stroppy, and entirely wonderful child who will be a credit to you and your parenting - I am sure.

I am really glad that you have got an appointment with the paediatrician - and perhaps you could say to the people who are offering advice that you've been told not to change anything until you see the paediatrician so that he gets a clear picture of what's happening with your ds.

I also go with the "Oh thanks I'll give that a try" whilst thinking, are you mad you old bat

YANBU - to find the advice annoying, but remember people are only genuinely trying to help in the way they think is best (even if they have opposing views to you or are a bit old fashioned!). My DS put hardly any weight on from birth to about 8 weeks. In the end I caved to the HVs suggestion to 'top him up' with formula (even though I bf my DD to 12 mths and am very pro-bf), mainly because I had no energy left to argue with all the people who told me to go onto formula. I wouldn't have 'caved' so quickly if it had been my first DC, but I just didn't have the energy what with looking after DD (2.5y at the time). I'm sure that DS is a lazy baby (re. feeding) and going with the HVs initial plan of waking him every 2 hours (incl during the night!) to bf him got us no further forward (apart from v. tired). Anyway, the point is, I am still doing one bf a day, plus 3 or 4 breast and formula feeds a day and he is now 6 months, even though everyone said what was the point of bothering to do any bfing at all once he started on formula.
You need to do what you think is best. What was best with my DD was bfing 100%, and what was best with DS is a mixture of bf and ff. Every situation is different, you need to take advice with a pinch of salt, and I'm sure the right way forward will become apparent soon, even if its not your ideal.
Feel free to ignore everything I've said - I won't be offended!

Mumofeve and Stayingsunny, I would listen to both of you because you are in a position of understanding.

GP only referred me the other day to paediatrician so no appointment as yet. I have started trying to give him a ff top up but he doesn't seem to like it at the moment. I am thinking I just need to feed him as much as I can and hope that eventually he will gain.

Is it worth asking a breastfeeding counsellor if there are any changes you could make to your diet or lifestyle that might boost your milk production, Ali? I don't know how much you are able to rest etc, but it seems reasonable to assume that you need to be looking after yourself, because lactating is a strain on your body.

I have been to all the local support groups for bf'ing and am feeling that there is not much more they can add. They have all checked my position and attachment. Do you think a consultant would be able to add anything about my lifestyle? I have a really supportive husband who helps out whenever I need it - not sure if many other changes could be made.

What did you do? How long did it take before your DS actually started to gain again?

BTW he has loads of energy. I think the milk goes to his feet!

I ended up formula feeding ds2 - we were in hospital where they said he was failing to thrive, and he didn't start to gain until I started to supplement him. I did try to mixed-feed, but it didn't work.

I did mixed-feed ds3, though - right from the start. I gave him a bottle late evening and one in the night when he woke, and the rest of the time it was all me - and that did work for us - I fed him for longer than I'd managed with either ds1 or ds2, and felt far more successful.

Regarding lifestyle - what I was wondering was whether you needed more rest or perhaps more of something in your diet - more calories or protein or fat - I'm honestly not sure. I might be wrong - maybe a woman's body will deprive her of nutrition in order to make the best milk for her baby.

I'm sorry if I'm not helping much.

My only regret was that I didn't see a bfing counsellor. I'm not sure it would have helped, but I probably should have given it a go. I suppose I thought I knew it all cos I had already bf DD successfully, but every situation is different: I had mastitis 3 times with DS and had no time to rest (as they always amusingly tell you to do in books) as had to look after DD. It may be worth giving it a go, but seriously try not to beat yourself up about the formula.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/breast_and_bottle_feeding/822302-Oh-God-he-39-s-not-gained-AGAIN-lt-lt ...this thread might be worth reading if you haven't already.

I was where you are - pretty much exactly except he was a little bit less heavy even.

I saw about 10 hcps, tried topping up with formula, tried absolutely everything and he just would not eat.

Eventually we went (privately) to a consultant paediatric gastro. He did a ph probe, established that his acid reflux was off the scale, and gave him some meds. He also confirmed our suspicion he was allergic to cow's milk, so we cut that out of my diet so I could bf him.

Within 10 days he was gaining beautifully, and after 2 months was in the 90th percentile. I bravely refrained from going back to all those assholes hcps who had said I just needed to give him a bottle and shoving the diagnosis you know where.

Stayingsunny, you have been really helpful. I think rest is important. It is hard though. DH always says he will look after baby for me if I want a nap and maybe I should take him up on it more often.

I will talk to a counsellor actually. Even if I could just feel a bit more confident again I am sure it would help.

Ib, I think he does have acid reflux. I have been giving him infant Gaviscon because he went through a phase of throwing up a lot. He has always eaten though. I am sooo looking forward to seeing paed now.

90th centile - I would be dreaming. I would be happy if I could just get him back to the 9th.

Thank you mumofeve, that thread was worth reading.