Should 22yr old daughter pay board?

[Diamond47]

Having been financially supported through university, now has good taking home £1000.00 per month. She will soon start new job with more money. Refuses to pay board. States she shouldn't have to as - only stays at home 5 noghts per week, eats breakfats 5 mornings, takes lunch 5 days, eats dinner with us 2-3 times per week. Spends rest of time with boyfriend. She is going to move in with mates for 6 months then intends to move back home. Am feeling like a mug! Dont want to 'rock the boat' as she has suffered anxiety/ depression but now well. She uses all household facilities, expects food in fridge, tv, comfy hoome, etc. She has now taken food from my cupboard for ner house with mates! am getting to end of tether but don't want a huge argument. When I try to talk to her she tells me she will move to her Dads so her just say ok! HELP!

Are you on speaking terms with her dad? Maybe you could talk to him and get him to agree to charge her rent too. I was paying £50 a week to live at home at age 20, and I was only earning £600 a month. She can well afford it, and is taking the piss.

Working full time on her wage at her age, I was renting my own 2 bedroom place, supporting myself, XP and DS with no help from anyone else and had been for 3 years.
Funnily enough, I didn't expect food from my landlord or indeed a rebate for nights away.

If she'd hold a grudge, she can't want to move in with her dad that much. Call her bluff!

Good point about rebates for nights away and asking landlord for food - i will use that !!!

she sounds like a manipulative little madam.

I would suggest finding out the going rates for B+B where you live and charge her for every night she stays add on a £5 for lunch and £10 for dinner. Will add up to a hell of a lot more than £200 per month.

If she says she's going to her dad's help her pack. let her think she's won. And insist she gives you th ekeys back as well.

Yes. But if you don't need the money, save it on her behalf to give back when she invests in her own house.

I can't see her friends putting up with her for long either if she isn't going to be paying her way while she's staying with them. No one likes a freeloader.

Wow! Can I come and live with you? Sounds like a good deal to me!

Seriously, My DC just took a gap year and had a very low paid job for that time ( £300 - £400 pcm). We explained that we could not afford to fully fund him and he would have to contribute towards food and household costs. He gave us £80 pcm. We considered that a fair sum as a proportion of his wages, especially as he had fares to pay. He also had to fund his own clothes/mobile phone/social life etc. He knows we will help him as much as possible when he is at uni, but mainly he will have to get by on his loans and grant. Plus any part time work he manages to find. He knows, sadly, that we just can't pay for it all for him. And actually, his own self pride makes him want to help himself.

Sounds like your DD is very manipulative and spoilt. Not nice traits in one so young. I am afraid I too, would be helping her pack her bags and waving her off to her father's. Then I would be changing the locks just in case she thought she was going to make a 'surprise' return!

"Refuses"? I'd have had her bags packed for her by now! And remember to get the keys back. And redecorate the room the next day.

Of course she should. I worked when I was at uni and paid towards the rent at home ( I was still living with my parents). She's finished uni and should be treated like an adult.

My Mum said she felt she would be doing me a disservice to let me live rent free once I was earning an "adult wage", as it's not realistic for the future. My parents insisted I saved an equivalent sum, and said they would have "charged" me it if they felt I was not saving it each month. I am really glad they did that as it helped me raise a deposit on our first home, and made me realise that life is not free and that they were working to provide a home. She may not see it, but you are helping her to learn life is not free. Good luck.

Absolutely she should be paying her way. The only thing I would suggest is that you couch it in terms of what she has to pay for her to live with you. I wouldn't mention about her moving to her dad's as where she chooses to go if she moves out is up to her.

What I mean is, try not to let it get into a "mum vs dad" thing where she can play you off against him. That will just turn it into an emotional conflict which will cloud the issue. It's a simple financial thing - if she wants to live with you, she needs to pay towards her upkeep.

When I went home to mum after separating from xh I had to pay £60 a week - and I had to keep asking if it was enough. Mum assured me it was, all she wanted was a contribution to cover my share bless her but then she didn't have a mortgage or rent.

I knew how lucky I was to get such a cheap rate and I was grateful - for a while I was minted and it was lovely!

If your daughter had seen what real life living expenses are she'd realise just how lucky she is.

Oh she is really taking the piss.
I suggest stop cooking her meals.
Stop buying food specifically for her.
Youve not mentioned it but if you are washing her clothes stop doing that aswell.
She is really taking you for a mug and has zero respect for you. She sounds like an immature teenager, nevermind a 22 year old!!

Of course she should. She needs to understand the cost of things and stop freeloading off you. You are not a charity. It demonstrates a lack of respect, whatever her history. Tough love and all that. Change the locks. Its not like you have not warned her. Not to follow through on what you have said will result in her disrepecting you even more. Go do it!

My parents never made us pay rent, but they made us save an equivalent amount. Difference was that we all did it though. If you can't trust her to do that then yes, she needs to give you rent or move out. What lesson are you teaching her if you let her get used to spending hundreds of pounds a month with no outgoings? It's not real. She won't cope on her own. Let her go to her dad's, she's 22, not 12. Time for her to grow up. Why is she planning to come back after 6 months anyway? Once you move out, you move out IMO.

You are not doing her any favours by letting her live rent-free, it's not a good preparation for the real world at all. She will be in for a massive shock when she eventually moves out and doesn't have her whole salary to spend as she pleases.

Find out the average rent for a room in your area, and if you want to be very generous let her just pay the appropriate room rent and you can continue to feed her and pay the bills.

My brother is 22 - and when he lives with mum (he is living in the US at the mo) he pays rent, £50 a week. That is absolutely taken as normal and my brother accepts it no question.

Call her bluff and say 'go on, then' when she threatens to move out. Cheeky madam.

I think it is interesting that if you try to talk to her about this she just replies that she will go and live with her dad if you try to make her pay rent.

I wonder why, if he is apparently prepared to let her live rent free and not get on her case about it she hasn't already gone to his. If all other things were equal, clearly living with the person who doesn't ask for rent is the easier option so you'd think she'd have already gone.

Makes me think that she probably doesn't really want to live with her dad or at least prefers living with you... I think you should stick to your guns and demand rent, I doubt very much she really wants to leave, she is just trying to manipulate you. When I lived at home briefly in my 20s, I paid £200 p/month and I was earning considerably less that £1000.

definitely should pay!

Course she should pay and at 22 with an attitude to boot she should be grateful you haven't already changed the locks.

She either pays board or she gets a place on her own/with boyfriend. She will then realise how much living expenses are.

Cheeky mare. I would suggest to her that she considers finding her own place now she has a job paying enough to afford it. She is an adult now.

I paid £25 a week from 17 and brought mu own house at 19 so I think she is more than capable of paying.

I'd tell her to clear out if she doesnt like it.

I couldnt live at home and not pay my keep.

My friends daughter pays a monthly keep but my friend is keeping it saved up for her as she doesnt particularly need it and it will be a deposit for a house when she's older.

Obviously she should pay.

I wouldn't worry about her past difficulties with depression too much. I think that is a red herring really. Paying her way is not going to plunge her back into a depression and if it does she seriously needs help. I also think, in the long run, her self esteem will suffer if she doesn't pay her way. I would have had too much pride NOT to pay my parents something at the age of 22 and wouldn't have felt very proud of myself for quibbling.

If she is capable of earning money she should you paying you. Obviously if she was not getting paid because she was ill then maybe you could be generous but she definitely needs a reality check. £1000 is a lot of money - many people pay for a family on less. £200 is not much to ask. I didn't pay much less than that when I was taking home £650 for my first job. I also worked full time all the way through university holidays whilst I was at home and even had to make a small contribution then!

If she holds grudges and uses emotional blackmail, don't be sucked in. You won't do her any favours to give in.

Oh I should say that I also spent weekends with a boyfriend at that age and got no rebate!