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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think school is wrong to say if DD doesnt eat her school dinner she cant go out and play

19 replies

dizzyg · 08/09/2009 21:14

it is only her 3rd day and now i have a very anxious 4 year old worrying what she is going to eat for school dinner tomorrow!! on her first day the dinner lady didnt hear her and she got something that she doesnt like!!!! What should I do shall I let her find her feet and confidence?? I am thinking that I will put her on packed lunch but dont know if this rule applies to that also??

OP posts:
millenniumfalcon · 08/09/2009 21:18

speak to her teacher. def not acceptable imho.

millenniumfalcon · 08/09/2009 21:19

(although are you sure she got the right end of the stick?)

TheCrackFox · 08/09/2009 21:19

I would send her in with a pack lunch and keep the portions small.

I don't think it is a wise idea (on their part) to make lunch time a battlefield. She has enough to contend with.

YANBU.

RortyDogOfTheRemove · 08/09/2009 21:19

School is wrong. The most important thing a 4-y-o can do at school is go out and play. Grr.

Goblinchild · 08/09/2009 21:19

YABU and very unusual as a reception parent. Most seem to worry about their poppets not eating enough at lunchtime, hence the inspection of lunchboxes by MDS and not being allowed to throw anything away so you can see how much they've eaten. Or a 1:1 report at the end of the day if they aren't eating their school lunch. MDS often spend ages coaxing 4 year olds to eat their food.

Give her a lunch that she likes and don't overfill it.

Yet again, schools are stuffed. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't

DogAgain · 08/09/2009 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

millenniumfalcon · 08/09/2009 21:27

no not schools are stuffed, teachers and parents have to speak to each other and work together, rather than either side being inflexible.

i will be eternally grateful to dd1's reception teacher who understood our concerns about "our little poppet" not eating her lunch because she ate much more slowly than everyone else i.e. she was in a foul mood for the rest of the day with us and her friends. her teacher arranged for a friend to stay with her while she was eating, and on occasion stayed with her herself. the problem resolved itself within a week or two and bingo, happy child, happy parents, presumably happier classmates/teacher too.

these kinds of worries can be a huge problem for such young kids and any school worth their salt will understand parental concern and make an effort to address them.

Goblinchild · 08/09/2009 21:27

Rortydog, Reception play for the majority of the time, and an enormous amount of that time it's outside play. Lack of refuelling will cause major problems for anyone.

Goblinchild · 08/09/2009 21:29

So the teacher didn't just say 'Never mind, go and play instead?'
What happened on the second day OP?

GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob · 08/09/2009 21:31

very spiky post from Goblinchild there

I don't think it's a question of "schools are stuffed whatever they do", that sounds a bit passive-aggressive to me, Perhaps you are bringing your own issues to the thread by mistake.

OP: I think staff should try to encourage children to eat and impress upon them the importance of eating for energy etc - but if a 4yo child clearly doesn't like and isn't going to eat the food then of course she should be sent out to play. The parent should then be alerted to the fact that the child didn't eat that day.

if she was my dd I would do packed lunches for a bit until she settles in, I think.

Bigpants1 · 08/09/2009 21:34

YANBU-def. not. Whilst i think it right that dc are encouraged to at least try a litle of their lunch, it should not be used as a "punishment"-as in eat, or no going out to play.
When just starting school, the last thing a dc needs is to be worrying all morning what is going to happen at lunchtime. I dont make my dc eat all their dinner if they dont want it, and would be very cross if the school did this-policy or not.
Nip this in the bud now-either give your dd a packed lunch, and/or speak to her teacher and make it clear, that your dd will play-out all lunch eaten or not.

millenniumfalcon · 08/09/2009 21:39

btw to be totally clear i don't think any chat with the teacher needs to be done in any way confrontationally/aggressively, more in a "dd's worried/upset because she feels..." kind of way, and discuss it from there. as i said, i'd be most concerned that she'd just misunderstood what was said.

bigchris · 08/09/2009 21:39

i think goblinchild just means that teachers are nagged if lunches arent eaten

and are now being nagged if they try to get the kuds to eat

i think if your child cant eat tge school dinners then a pack up is the way to go

i was lucky in that my dc went to nursery so were used to eating a hot meal quickly

jeannieweanie · 08/09/2009 21:41

Speak to her teacher - lunch time staff are rushed, although most of them love the kids so they will look out for the ones having trouble - if they know and are told. She might be fine in a few days with a little extra attention.

millenniumfalcon · 08/09/2009 21:44

nagged? or a valid concern? personally i'd have thought concerns around lunch/play time are likely to be the most pressing/common ones for 4 year olds. so parents should ignore them?

Original poster
dizzyg · 08/09/2009 21:44

thanks for messages, I really dont think that schools are damned if they do damned if they dont!! I really agree with bigpants am going to talk to teacher in morning!! I spoke to other parents about this and no one seemed aware of this rule... at first , but after them speaking to their children they have found out about it and are too not happy!! thinking that I might start a revolution!!! will hopefully get good response from teacher altough DD has told me that the teacher has been busy and another teacher has been coming in instead!! another issue!! but he is not the most forcoming of teachers so will see what happens ... argh really not a good start

OP posts:
millenniumfalcon · 08/09/2009 21:49

actually, a very good start, as you get an idea right from the outset how the school/teacher handles problems like this (that may seem petty to an adult but can be very significant for the child). it gave me another boost of faith in our school how well they handled it.

purpleduck · 08/09/2009 21:50

I've had this every year with my dd (she is now delighted to be in jrs - the lunch ladies don't check)

Every year I have gone to the Head/teacher/Dinner Lady and absolved them of the task of checking her lunch (she has a packed lunch), and further explained that if they have a problem with the amount she eats/ contents of snack, whatever, they are to come to ME!! That always fixes it!
I have a friend who put a note in her dds lunch saying it was ok for her to leave some of her lunch.

Some parents want the child to be encouraged to eat more ...the dinner ladies aren't to know unless you tell them

millenniumfalcon · 08/09/2009 22:00

absolutely purpleduck, it's a communication issue, doesn't need to be built up into anything more (unless and until the school proves to have an inflexible one-size-fits-all approach that appears to be depressingly more common than i expect).

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