to ask DH to cut down on the drink whilst TTC?

[Ladyemmalou83]

Ive asked him, he knows he should, but he is still drinking a lot when he is out, and always insists on a pint in the evening.

Last night we went out for a friends birthday, I drank fruit juice all night, yet DH had 6 pints, 5 vodka redbulls, and countless other shots. All this even though he promised he would cut down....

I'm finding it very frustrating that I have changed my lifestlye to help us, yet its the one thing I have asked him to do and he hasnt changed one bit.

Am I right to be annoyed at him?

Is he regularly that hammered on a week night? Because that's way beyond a normal amount and right into heavy binge drinking territory. It's not just a problem for while you TTC either - can you imagine him having that level of binge when the baby is born?

I know. He says he is ready to be a father but he isnt proving it.

He only goes out like last night, once a month. Thank goodness. I would hope he doesnt normally get that bad, I wouldnt normally go out with him, it was only because it was our friends birthday that I was out. During a week he would normally go through 10 pack of carling, or something like that. If not beer then a small bottle of brandy.

I wouldn't be so much bothered about the TTC thing, after all it's your health which will have the most impact on the baby's own health, however that level of drinking is really high imo.

What would happen if he decided only to drink say on a Saturday night & nothing through the week? Do you think he could do that quite easily?

If he´s going out once a month that´s fine.
But why the need to drink so much?
And why drink every night?
I would say a bottle of spirits a week is quite a lot.
Can he not survive without alcohol?

The money wasted would annoy be as much as anything, TBH.

Oh it does, beleive me. My total spend last night, £4.50. DH's £30ish.

Im really hoping he only drank that much because he was keeping up with the lads, which in its self is pretty poor. He hasnt gone to work today, normally after a night out he wouldnt miss work, hence I dont think he would normally drink that much.

When we decided to start TTC he promised he would only have a couple pints on a sunday night, and that would be it, but it lastet about a month and now back to having a tin a night, or 2 brandy and cokes a month.

Im getting to the point where I will go back on the pill if cant be responsible, which I dont feel I should have to do

I don't think that he should have to cut out drinking while you are TTCing, as it is your health that is going to be important not his.

However, that is a lot of alcohol for one evening, even if it is an occasional thing. I would not like the every evening drinking either.

What do you mean by two brandy and cokes a month?

sorry I meant a night.

His parents are spanish, and it is quite often their evening routine, so I wonder if he has just followed their trend as far as an evening drink goes.

Ladyemmalou83 - you could try frightening him by Googling the words: ALCOHOL MALE FERTILITY

I found this which suggest it will turn him partly into a woman if he does not stop.

"Alcohol and Male Fertility

In men, alcohol may result in abnormal liver function and a rise in estrogen levels, which may interfere with sperm development and hormone levels. Alcohol is also a toxin that can kill off the sperm-generating cells in the testicle. As a sperm takes at least three months to develop you should try a semen analysis again after 3-4 months of abstinence to check your sperm count."

About 4 ounces of alcohol per day (i.e about 6 pints of strong larger or 8 standard glasses of wine) is enough to seriously affect his fertility.

Has he had a sperm count and been to see the GP? It may be worth getting him to do so just for shock value.

Is there a possiblity he's getting it out of his system before the baby arrives? I know you are TTC, and not pregnant, but is that possible? My DP went through a space of a few weeks where he was drinking very heavily - I was on here upset about it a few times in one week - but now he's totally back to normal. It was his friend who actually told me that's what he thought it was, and it kinda clicked into place, made sense with some of the things he'd been saying whilst under the influence. Our pregnancy was not planned, am thirty weeks now, and he's very excited. I think this was about ten weeks ago, when it was getting very real. Maybe its the same kind of thing - because you're planning for it to happen its all a bit overwhelming..?

just read the above to him, and he just went quiet.......I have reminded him if we dont catch, it will be him they look at, not just me. As his best friend has been through of the fertility checks you would think he would have taken that on board

I guess nights like last night could be him getting it out of the systme, lets face it, he wont be able to afford nights like that after a baby arrives.

He hasnt been checked yet as far as his sperm count goes because we have only been trying 4 months.

Has he got a drinking problem? Unless he's got a drinking problem I wouldn't worry about it. Men find it much harder to understand the hugeness of a baby before one is born and so often don't change their habits till a few months after the baby is there.

His drinking is much more likely to negatively affect the family if he has a drinking problem after a child is born. If you haven't been trying without success for a long time then there's no reason to believe his drinking is affecting his sperm.

I think it is quite unhealthy in a relationship for one partner to give ultimatums like this. Much better to make a joint decision, makes it much more likely to work i.e. a wife could ask a husband not to drink but not ban them from drinking - that's how you treat your children not your partner.

Thank you all of you for your thoughts, It really good for me to get other people's takes on this.

I have asked him if we can sit down and talk about this properly. I guess with me giving up smoking I was just hoping that Dh would lower his drink in take.

Thank you all again for ur help on this

good luck with the TTC emmalou. It's a stressful time. Try not to get bogged down with things that are not so important. Hope things go well. Tis not unreasonable to ask but you'll have to let him choose.