In thinking DP should get up before this time?

[LissyGlitter]

This is an ongoing disagreement. Me and DP are both night people and hate mornings. I am 30 weeks pregnant and we have a 2.5 yo DD. Neither of us work, although DP does go to quite a lot of interviews etc and I start uni part time next week, although I am technically signed off work due to mental health issues (dormant for the moment, thank god, but as I am pregnant, the doctor didn't want to take chances)

DD wakes up around 8am (although it has been known to be anywhere between 5am and 10am) and I get up with her, make her breakfast and let her have a bit of cbeebies time while I come to. If it is ridiculously early when i get up, or I feel ill, I do this for two hours then make DP get up, but generally I let him sleep till he feels like getting up. He does do pretty much all the cooking of big meals (I deal with things like light lunches and snacks) and laundry and washing up, so he is pulling his weight, but it can't be good for him to lie in till about 11am every single morning can it? Plus it means that if we want him to come on an activity with us, we are only getting out of the house at nearly lunchtime, and she has a nap after lunch so she misses half the day!

Any ideas on how to suggest he move his lazy bum without sounding nagging? He is finding it hard to not be working, and, like I say, does do useful things all day when he is awake, but he needs to move his timetable!

On mat leave! Knackered.

Luckily DH is getting up with DD1 every morning he's not on an early shift. I am soooooo grateful!

I just mentioned to my mum on the phone the other day that I had only just got up and you'd think I had revealed that I was working on a sex line.

BTW OP I don't think your DH needs to get up early to look for a job, as long as he is putting the hours in when he is up then that's fair enough IMO.

It's you never getting a lie in though you'd like one that needs to be addressed.

Oh FFS the lot of you, there are lots of jobs which involve evening or night work, so not being a morning person does not make you a workshy tosser.
There is no virtue in being an early-morning person. It's simply a part of your wiring, like being gay or straight. What the OP and her H need to do is negotiate on who does what so they are sharing the chores and the mornings in a way that neither one feels the other is taking the piss, end of.

I am not a morning person - I could sleep in until midday if able. The fact is I have to get up at 5 because I work.

I don't think your DP is going to find a job if her is in bed til 11, cleaning and cooking and then (possibly) going out with you and DD. If he needs a job he is actually going to have to start looking for one properly.

Plus woould help if you got your DD into a routine - same bedtimes and get up times evevry day, presumably she will be going to playschool and school soon so the eralier she gets into a routine of getting up the better.

You both sound a bit lazy, tbh.

TLE you must be chronically sleep deprived. Do you get ill alot? If not you must be superhuman, or Maggie Thatcher who apparently only needed about 3 hrs kip a night

Lissy I just think it's not a good example to your dd to see her dad laying about till all hours. Though good on him for doing the domestic stuff when he IS up.

Personally, if my DH did this I would tell him that I was really disappointed that he didn't want to be with his child and would rather lay like a slug in bed.

I would personally set 9am as the absolute cut off for lie ins. After that, he should be up and about and being productive in some way!

all the debate re morning or evening person is irrelevant imo - once you have a kid, you are a morning person (and I know how much it hurts, evening person talking)

"You can't lie in bed till 8 when you have to be up for nursery"

We did/will. We get up at 8am to get the DS's to school, and when DS3 starts nursery next year it will still be an 8am get up.

I'm a night person too - I CAN NOT get going in the morning, I can get bare essentials done if necessary, but generally my "day" starts about 10/11am.

Not sure what good getting up at 8am is going to be when looking for a job....slightly confused on that one.

Yes they may have interview in the mornings (but not 8am lol) - but as they tend to be few and far between (1 interview in 6 months for DH who has been applying left right and centre - and forms can be filled in at night time) but if they don't have an interview getting up at 8am isn't going to make any difference in job hunting than getting up at 11 (is it??)

ooo slow reading - glad you don't have control in this house.

DH has lie-ins until around 10/10.30am

I really push the boat out on my days to lie-in and often stay in bed until 11am and later .

Oh and he is close to getting a job - a proper one - where he can still have his lie-ins (and so can I - phew)

"once you have a kid, you are a morning person "

ermm no - doesn't work that way - 9yrs after having my first child and I'm still not a morning person - probably never will be, still a night owl and that's the way (aha aha) I like it, aha aha

SLowreading lol no i am not thatcher or superhuman. TBH i have never needed a great deal of sleep even as a child. And I can get by on a max of 4-5 hours sleep a night. I was up yesterday morning at 5 and finally got to bed around 1, but i was shattered as ds2 was ill all day.

i don't understand this idea that if you can't get out of bed in the morning you are morally corrupt. Yet it is such a widespread thing. What is the difference in job hunting from 12-8 or from 9-5? None.

Personally I am going to train the children to get themselves up once they are big enough so I can sleep.

I don't mean you become a morning person, I mean (unless you are VERY lucky with your kids sleep) you have to ACT being a morning person. And i know it hurts! My caffeine addiction has come about due to getting up anytime from 5.30am on when ds was little....

TLE you must have the constitution of an ox. If I had that little sleep I would be in hospital!!!

Slow, oh but think of all the time i get for spending mumsnetting with the dc, dp etc

oh but you don't have to act for long - DS1 was making his own breakfast from reception year, and DS2 from nursery year. Now DS1 is old enough to make DS3's breakfast and get his milk for him - so really I've only had very short periods of having to be a morning person. And if you teach them early on how to work the DVD player and TV remote that's their entertainment sorted

Nappies can be changed while lying on a sofa under a blanket, and children trained to walk to school on their own, or have friends knock for them to walk up with their parents .

Honestly - apart from dressing the kids (well it's only one to dress now - the oldest 2 can do it themselves) I don't do anything until at least lunchtime usually

alwayslooking, you are a clever woman

Is he genuinely tired and spending all this time asleep? Or reading the paper in bed/scratching arse etc etc?

If he's sleeping half the day away I would suggest he might be depressed?

2nd coming - did you read my post - DH will (fingers crossed) but starting a new job soon - and we'll both still lie in half the morning.

I can get up at 6am and still get nothing done until lunchtime (even if I got to bed at some silly time like 9/10pm the night before)

god secondcoming if it were that easy to get a job then DH would have found a job months ago!!!

Even agencies don't have work every day of the week (DB was doing warehouse agency work for several months earlier this year and often went a week or more without any work for him!)

(and yes I've done most of the things you've said you've done - apart from the working full time as a single parent) not sure the relevance of that to the OP.

OP says her DP has been to lots of interviews (lucky bugger - 1 interview in 6 months for DH ) so it's not like he's doing bugger all about finding work - you don't get interviews without doing something.

oh yes there's job in the local job centres - but if it's anything like here - 25 jobs in a new shop that opened - over 2000 people turned up for application forms on the open day.

28hrs a week work (no good if you need the tax credits to survive as you won't get them) and lots of 14-15hr a week jobs for the single parents. You can apply all you like and be as earnest if you want about it - don't mean you're going to get a job.

And actually I've never seen DH so tired since he's been out of work, if you want to work and can't find anything it's draining (I know it sounds odd but it's true honest )

Anyhow - off to spend your tax on my weekly shopping

oh and PMSL @ "unleahed the inner Tory" - that's tickled me

oh - ok you're OH's tax

actually most of it is out of my organ money and money I got for playing for a funeral last week so not too much tax payers money.