to think that if SIL wants to spend a small fortune of FIL's present we shouldn't have to contribuite the same amount

[choufleur]

FIL is 70 next month. SIL wants to spend more than we can afford on a present. SIL is married, no kids, lives in large house with very small mortgage, income from two jobs plus rental on other properties. We have smallish house, big (well for us) mortgage, 1 1/2 jobs and DS, childcare etc.

spend what you can afford

end of discussion

tell her to get real

also tell her you'll contribute what you can afford, its your life/choice, not hers

YANBU

But presumably you can just stand up for yourselves and tell her what your budget will be for FIL's present?

Yes can stand up for selves but its the assumption that we should pay the same that is very irritating

Just say your happy to put in what you had budgeted for the present and if she wants to put in anymore then its up to her, but that you don't expect her to.

did you ASK her to choose a joint gift? if so you should have made it clear what you were prepared to pay, and don't pay over that even if she thinks the differnce is minimal

if it is all her idea, tell her you already have got/ordered something

her idea, her problem

(DH and i got ruby wedding gift for his parents, SIl put £5 towardds it as she was skint at the time, was not a problem for us at all)

Has she said that she expects you to put in the same amount, or are you assuming she assumes that IYSWIM?

Also, how did you come to agree on a joint present without discussing a budget beforehand?