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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect people to RSVP to party invites

39 replies

gingernutlover · 07/09/2009 18:50

nursery gave out dd's ivites 3 weeks ago, her party is in 4 days time.

Half of the parents havent bothered to reply

do i assume they arent coming or assume they might?

being a day nursery we don't bump into other parents much, theres a couple that i see regularly but they have replied already. So i cant ask the parents.

The invite had my phone number on it or a slip that could be sent back into nursery

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 07/09/2009 18:52

YANBU, because you DD is still at nursery.

You will learn.

People are shockingly bad at replying.

I have no idea if they will turn up or not.

Original poster

gingernutlover · 07/09/2009 18:54

LOL

okay fair enough

if they dont turn up i wont be too bothered but think its very rude to not bother replying but then turn up anyway. Ah, well time will tell

OP posts:

Original poster

gingernutlover · 07/09/2009 18:55

and yeah, i guess i will learn not to invite them again

OP posts:

MissSunny · 07/09/2009 18:57

Message withdrawn

LynetteScavo · 07/09/2009 19:11

Is the party at your house?

If it is people may be wary is they don't know you.

If it's somewhere else, they will probably turn up if they haven't replyed.

Recently I've found people who don't reply don't turn up, but feel I have to have a party bag ready, just incase. It's usually fine, as I can give them out to a sibling of a child who was invited.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 07/09/2009 19:14

Its so bloody annoying!!!!! Especially if you have to prepay.

I am often bad a replying though.

Original poster

gingernutlover · 07/09/2009 19:17

its at a local hall

just games tea and bouncy castle so havent had to pay per child but will have to prepare picnic boxes and party bags for each one wont i?

ah well, guess worse things could happen, just think it's pretty rude - although yes i do realise that other parents are busy and have their own lives ...

OP posts:

Doobydoo · 07/09/2009 19:21

It is rude in the extreme.Ds1 was 10 recently and about 10 people didn't RSVP...If they had turned up I hope I would have told em to feck off

lynniep · 07/09/2009 19:22

oh thats annoying yes. I find that putting a date to rvsp by and also an email address helps - oh and a mobile to text a msg to!

londonartemis · 07/09/2009 19:29

YANBU. I would be furious. You go out of your way to organise a party, and people won't even tell you if they can come or not. It's hugely rude.

If it was me, I would not prepare party bags for those you haven't heard from. If they turn up, act surprised and say - we didn't know you were coming. We hadn't heard from you. Welcome them in, but don't give them a party bag on the way out (easy to do if you name each bag with the name of a child you know is coming).

Or, you can get on the telephone and ring them all up, saying you need to know now, as you need to confirm numbers.
Did you put a date to RSPV by?

Sorry, if this sounds harsh, but you don't need all this on top of sorting a party out and the other million things you do everyday.

Original poster

gingernutlover · 07/09/2009 19:32

i dont have their phone numbers

and i stupidly didnt put a date for rsvp's

OP posts:

londonartemis · 07/09/2009 19:33

Never mind! Just don't prepare the party bags for everyone!!

TiredBlueEyes · 07/09/2009 19:41

U poor thing! People are horrid. Happened to me too and I felt compelled to make party bags 'just in case' that are still sitting on top of my cupboard 3 months later
Hope the party is great anyway.

neversaydie · 07/09/2009 19:54

I have never had non-repliers turn up on the day. I have, however, had people accept and then not bother to turn up. I still have odds and sods kicking about from party bags made up 'in case'.

I do wonder sometimes how widely 'rsvp' is actually understood....Maybe next time I will write it out in English. 'Please let me know whether or not Little Johnny is coming before the 23rd.' Might work?

TheBolter · 07/09/2009 19:59

Oh I get really cross about it.

For dd's fifth b'day I wrote PLEASE RSVP BY * and all but one replied most obediently! The only one who didn't turned up on the day and I did a passive aggressive 'Oh I wasn't expecting her!' with a big smile, making the parent look v uncomfortable .... it was fine though we (just) had enough because I prepared for the fact she might come.

The only answer is to be really rottweiler-ish about hunting the invitees down!

TheBolter · 07/09/2009 20:00

Gosh, that didn't make much sense did it! Typing too fast and not really concentrating as usual...

nymphadora · 07/09/2009 20:09

I am waiting for replies for dd2s birthday and my wedding (day and night) all of whom should have replied by now!

I have about half? And all had my address and mobile on. Friends that I talk to on Facebook/MSN and Dp works with havent even replied yet!

blueshoes · 07/09/2009 20:57

ginger, perhaps you could send a gentle reminder, via the nursery, to the non-responders. Just put a slip of paper into their dcs' contact books. This might flush out a few more replies.

At dd's school, we have the email addresses of all the other parents. There is a trend for invitations to go out via evite emails. Then closer to the date, I put a hard copy of the invitation in the school bag of each non-responder with a note that this is in case they did not receive the email (some people really don't check emails). Acts as a reminder.

In my dd's school, apart from a handful, parents are usually quite good at RSVP-ing. I got about a quarter of responses within the first day and a steady trickle since. People are busy and RSVP-ing can slip through the net.

LynetteScavo · 07/09/2009 21:01

It neer occured to me that people might not actually understand what RSVP means.

Do you really think some people don't know?

movingnow · 07/09/2009 21:05

YANBU, ds has a party on Fri and today I had to do a bit of polite/gentle chasing.

blueshoes · 07/09/2009 21:09

A bit shocked if people don't understand what RSVP means. .

In the context of an invitation eg RSVPs by x date, it should be obvious what it means.

cancantcan · 07/09/2009 21:12

dont even get me started on this one. DS1's first 'proper' birthday party at age 3, we invited 15 kids from nursery at nearly £10 per head. We had 7 people reply, and only 5 actually turn up for the party, 2 of whom were his cousins! 4 people actually cancelled on the morning of the party.
I had confirmed numbers the day before and had to include all those who hadnt replied as I just couldnt see a 3yo turn up to a party and be told there isnt food/party bag for them. So I paid for 15 X £10, when in fact 10 of those didnt turn up.

isittooearlyforgin · 07/09/2009 21:14

drives me mad! Once I had no reply from one mum to a bbq party we'd organised for dd and then when she did turn up she berated me for not serving vegetarian food!!

TheGashlycrumbTinies · 07/09/2009 21:19

We had this with DD2's birthday, in the end I sent out more "invites" with the childs name on it, yes or no, and just asked if the parent could please circle one reply.

pocketmonster · 07/09/2009 21:23

YANBU - I had 3 non repliers turn up to DD's party and a phone call 30 minutes before the party started, letting me know that one child was going to be coming!

I catered for the no replies and prepared party bags and name tags - just in case - was tempted to do the 'oh, we weren't expecting you' but that just upsets the kid and its not their fault that their parents have no manners!

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