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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this lady should count herself lucky I didn't punch her in the face?

94 replies

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 07/09/2009 13:36

Dd (just gone 6 months) in the sling on my hip, with her head tilted back looking at the sky. In no danger whatsoever, perfectly secure. Middle-aged woman comes rushing up, pushes dd's head up, whose head snaps up alarmingly and shrieks, "She's not safe in there!"

I was very close to smacking her one, but was more concerned for dd, just turned my back on the woman so dd was safe and walked into the nearest shop - which, luckily, was the comic shop where I know the owner very well.

OP posts:

sweetnitanitro · 08/09/2009 08:32

YANBU, what a total loonie! I've got a ring sling and people are always commenting on it (mostly to say 'what a good idea') and a few have asked if DD is safe but so far I have escaped total strangers manhandling her.

You're right, your DD is gorgeous! I love my sling, I call it my hands-free kit it took me ages to get the hang of it but I wouldn't be without it now.

nickschick · 08/09/2009 08:43

I was in tesco ....and there was a woman there with a twin pram with a toddler in and a baby (quite new) wrapped in a blannket and in a cosy toes with the flap bit over the top- you could only see the babies head,it was a hot August day and the store was very warm- I casually remarked to the mum (who had left the dc and was at the tobacco kiosk -they sell lottery and newspapers there too)that I think the babies cosy toe thing had flopped over- 'no' she said thats how I want it so I added 'well with it being so very warm in here,i thought i should tell you'.....she was very hostile 'none of your business she said who do you think you are my social worker bet you have no kids'

Well I dont wanna argue with you I was just telling you in case you hadnt seen and no im not a s.w and I do have 3 dc.

An elderly lady walked by and flicked the cover down and pulled the baby up the baby was wet through with sweat !!

Then the Dad came

Whats going on? he said.

your baby was suffocating said old lady

not again he says shes been warned about this from the midwive he then started having a go at his partner.

Original poster

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 08/09/2009 08:46

Poor woman. She was probably exhausted and defensive. Lucky her dp was there.

OP posts:

belgo · 08/09/2009 08:47

nickschick -in that case, it just shows people who get defensive probably have something to hide.

nickschick · 08/09/2009 08:51

She was very hostile TAFKA fortunately I didnt see a hole punch ,I wasnt being arsey with her i did wonder if her toddler had flkicked it over ......

sandcastles · 08/09/2009 08:55

No wonder there are is so much violence about when 'our' first reaction to critisms is a punch in the face!

Jujubean77 · 08/09/2009 09:07

I think one should always say something politely and nicely if they are genuinely worried about a baby, the reaction you get will speak volumes about if it is a simple mistake or something more sinister

nickschick · 08/09/2009 09:12

I did nearly end up getting hit in morrisons -this is true a woman had wedged her dd in a shopping trolley by jamming a tin of peas on top of the childs leg and wedging her into the shopping trolley .

The child was crying desperately and the mother was just ignoring her -her leg was bright red despite the mother trying to cover it up with her coat.

Fortunately dh (6'2 expara leant over and said 'oh look its that tin thats hurting her good job theres not a policeman in store'....the woman looked very angry but conceded and lifted her dd out and the dd stopped crying.

mustrunmore · 08/09/2009 09:21

When ds2 was in a carrier and ds1 was about 2.5, we went to a playdaything in local park, and I actually got told off by a community policeman for not having ds2's head supported enough . Aside from the fact his haed was fine, the policeman was about 19 tops, looked like he had no clue about children, especially when I asked him if he would then please walk the 25mins home with me so he could push the parent handle of ds1's trike, leaving my other hand free to support the baby's head . He was with a female comm police too, who looked at him with bemusement during the whole thing

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 09:22

I suppose it depends on the situation as to whether it is right or wrong to punch someone in the face. In the case of the OP, I don't think I would. But I have been known to punch a few people whilst protecting my children. 1 reversed their car into ds1 and thought it was funny when i told him he stood laughing, another sat on a bus digging him and when i moved he followed, asked driver to let me off with ds1 and he wouldn't he then proceeded to poke ds1 in the side and make him cry...i saw red. And the last was 2 yrs ago when ds2 was 9 weeks old ds1 was 9 yrs and some plank drove into our car causing it to spin...his reason well i didn't see you...we were driving at 6 mph....the car had to have extensive work, thankfully we were not too badly hurt and ds2 was perfectly fine.
DS1 on the other hand wasn't.
Now I don't agree with violence and I am not proud of what I did, but i can see how someone would want to. I know what I did was wrong but is easy to get caught out when angry or your dc has been hurt.

belgo · 08/09/2009 09:28

mustrunmore - I actually think comments like that can be very positive - it shows that people are looking around themselves, seeing children and seeing how these children are being looked after, and I think that's a very positive thing for the protection of our children.

And if they are wrong in their assumption that the baby is uncomfortable, then you can use it as an opportunity to explain to them that actually your baby is fine and perfectly comfortable.

If you are looking after your child properly, then there's no need to be defensive.

noddyholder · 08/09/2009 09:31

I hate the term 'punch in the face'.Horribly aggressive sounding.I think the woman was just a nosy parker tbh and not worthy of such venom!

LovelyLulu · 08/09/2009 09:32

Tafka, agree with Chegirl, you showed restraint and just walked away.

There have been alot of other threads about how annoying it is when people interfere, even if they are trying to be helpful. I know sometimes others should interfere if they see real danger.

Mybox · 08/09/2009 09:33

I've been told that a sling is bad for a babys back and that my kids are either too warmly or coldly dressed. Wish people would just leave alone. There are many other things to worry about but not how my kids are dressed or my baby sling.

JackBauer · 08/09/2009 09:36

Am I the only one who took 'punch her in teh face' to mean 'get really pissed off at'?

MrsBarbaraKingstanding · 08/09/2009 09:43

If you think a child is in danger you often do over react in a reflexive kind of way. Maybe this is what the woman thought, that your DD was about to fall out if she didn't intervene immeadiately and so without thinking pushed your DD back 'in'. IYSWIM.

Slings can look precarious, even if you know they're totally safe.

I know I have a reflxive over reaction to children in perecieved danger, which has not yer resulted in me being punched in the face, but has been mildly embarassing.

Just yestereday f'instance on our high street a young boy (8ish) was crosing quite a busy road on his own, he hadn' seen a car coming and I (much to me sons embarrassment) shrieked loudly 'Nooooooo' and kind of put up my hands to stop the car as if directing traffic. It was a totally useless but instintive gesture, and car stopped anyway and boy was fine and I shuffled off pretending to mind my own business. I also get this in play parks etc when child screams with some minor injury I hugely over react, rushing over to unkown child with heart pounding etc.

The point I'm making is maybe she'd just racted without thinking??

Original poster

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 08/09/2009 09:50

The thing is, MrsB, that reactions like that could cause a much larger accident. For example, the car screeching to a halt could have caused another car to go into the back and a massive pile up!

In my case, the old bag woman pushing dd's head up fast like she did, could easily have resulted in a neck injury, which would have been extremely serious. As I've said further down, I don't have a problem with people coming up and talking to me - even if they think dd is in danger, I'll happily have a chat and put their minds at ease. I agree it's nice that people are looking out for kids - I firmly believe in the saying "It takes a village to raise a child" - but screeching and flapping are extremely counter productive IMO.

OP posts:

MrsBarbaraKingstanding · 08/09/2009 10:09

If there is real danger a reaction has to be instanteous though. If real danger, and your baby was about to fall out, there would be no time for polite converastion and niceities.

That's why the reaction is instintive.

(in my defence the shreiking is to alert others to the danger)

Yes alot of the time the reaction may be over nothing, and then other times if someone hadn't reacted fast and instinctively the outcome could have been much worse.

I can see why it's annoying, as you know she wasn't in danger,(execpt from old lady) but just thought it may help you to be less annoyed if you thought she's not necessarily a nasty old bag, but maybe a kind women who reacted instinctivley when she, mistakenly, beleieved yor baby was in danger.

She was also rather rude though I see, so maybe she's not so nice aftre all. (alos I'm not worried abut you wanting to punch her and just presumed this was an expression of your annoyance.)

Just trying to helpfully poit out, if chilren are in danger we do want others to react don't we?

But will try to contain my shreiking and flapping in future.. Why is there not a hang head in shame emotion??

sandcastles · 08/09/2009 12:00

TheLadyEvenstar, your examples are completely different to OP tho! Your child was in danger on 2 occasions & being persistantly annoyed on the other! I would say, that while not condoning violence, I can get my head around why you did what you did.

The OP however, no reason at all for that kind of reaction! Sorry!

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 12:43

Sand, sorry I must not have typed it properly. Thats what I was saying that while i couldn't see myself lashing out in the OP's situation there were those i mentioned that I did indeed lash out.

Roomfor2 · 08/09/2009 12:54

But remember - the OP DIDN'T lash out - she walked away. She said she felt like lashing out, but she didn't.

Wow - I'm sure the OP was meant as a light-hearted rant after the event (instead of a rant or over-reaction at the time) and has instead turned into a discussion about violence! Strange how one thread gets picked on like this every so often...

sandcastles · 08/09/2009 13:12

Ahh, OK Thelady,...I see that now!

Roomfor2, I am just surprised that a frist reaction to critism would be one of violence, that's all! If someone critisized me/my parenting (or should I say when) I just think FFS & walk away! Doesn't even occur to want to 'punch them in the face'

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 13:14

Sands, I blame the lack of sleep in the last 3 nights on my inability to string a sentence together lol

OtterInaSkoda · 08/09/2009 13:15

I would much rather people gave unwanted advice or grabbed a dc than ignore a potentially dangerous situation. Which isn't to say that the woman in the OP didn't grab the baby too harshly (although if she really did think the baby was about to topple out then it might be understandable). Those slings do sometimes look pretty precarious - as can babies in pushchairs and prams. Having said that the woman in the OP sounds a little unhinged. Perhaps (as someone else has said) she's witnessed something horrible in the past.

Roomfor2 · 08/09/2009 13:18

Sand - the OP wasn't being literal! I'm pretty sure it was just a figure of speech! Most of us have claimed to want to throttle someone or something similar, without meaning it literally!

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