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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to cash in my childrens savings plans?

237 replies

kaz33 · 04/09/2009 14:36

We are in debt, for several years since the boys were born (8,6) we have been struggling with debt. I gave up my lucrative job and we bought a house we could not afford (only three beds but nice area)

DH just got a £20K bonus, and have just paid off over £10k. We are roughly £30k in debt but finally we are earning enough to maintain our comfortable but not totally extravagant lifestyle.

The boys have got about £7.5k in their savings plan I want to cash them in and pay off some more of our debt.

Is this totally immoral ? What would you do?

I'm not scared of harsh words

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/09/2009 16:15

kaz33 - seems to you need to talk to someone about debt - maybe cab can help you devise a plan to try and cut back

my dh doesnt believe in credit cards and will only buy something if he has the money, ie cold cash

so maybe cut yours up?

can i be nosey and ask what the debt is - but if you dont want to answer thats fine - as in how did you get it? did dh lose his job etc and bills/mortgage etc debts pile up

or is it a case of putting things on cards and then just not paying them off

shakirashakira · 04/09/2009 16:17

We went on a budget last year, was v strict, but we still had a small entertainment allowance for things like wine, magazines and occsaional lunches (to cheapo places like the Harvester).

We paid off 10k in less than a year

About to embark on it again, it was hard at times but also fun.

If your life is still 'comfortable' I would trim the fat there before even considering taking my children's savings.

lilysam · 04/09/2009 16:18

I don't think you should touch their money at all. Our kids have accounts and yes if i took 'their' money that we have paid into life would be a little easier, but its just so wrong!

How did you manage to end up £30k in debt? That's an awful lot of money. Is it your spending/lifestyle? If so you'll spend you kids money to clear some of the debt, then carry on as normal, continue to get into debt and the kids have nothing.

I definately agree that the job must be great to get such a big bonus. Perhaps live a little 'less comfortably' and see if you can make regular payments to clear the debt.

Original poster
kaz33 · 04/09/2009 16:18

It obviously has the danger of turning into a poor me with my £20k bonus thread and I do realise that we are very lucky. Though I am not stupid enough to think that I have any idea about the strains and difficulties of other families.

OP posts:
Original poster
kaz33 · 04/09/2009 16:26

Well when we bought this house five years ago, the mortgage was over 40% of our monthly income. We had two small children and I was no longer working having given up my £70K job. We had about £10k debt then and have just accrued it. We run two cars

My parents are wealthy so there is a little of keeping up with them especially for my husband who can find it intimadating. Then our relationship was under a lot of stress with the kids, DH has no idea of how to budget, did a lot of expenses through work so always loads of money through credit cards. Aaaagh bit pathetic really.

I do think that we have turned a corner.

OP posts:
SouthMum · 04/09/2009 16:26

Well of course no-one has an idea of your strains and difficulties. But if you say you don't have a "totally extravagant" lifestyle would suggest that you can cut back to gradually pay off the debt that you, not your kids, built up no?

lilysam · 04/09/2009 16:27

Forget about the kids money, pretend it doesn't exist and sort out some sort of budgeting for your finances. Aim to clear most important/expensive debts first etc...

Sounds like you admit your spending has been an issue in the past - the kids money is a quick fix which won;t resolve the real problem.

SouthMum · 04/09/2009 16:30

If the olds are wealthy could you borrow the money off them?

lilysam · 04/09/2009 16:32

Love to know how you 'just accrue' £30k of debt ....thats some serious shopping!

Sell the cars or swap them for cheaper models - that should get you some cash. Do you still need 2 cars?? We do but i know others who have admitted they could get away with one really..

bidibidi · 04/09/2009 16:35

I fully believe that OP should use the children's money to pay off some of the debts AND she probably needs to budget better, too.

Considering the OP paid in the vast majority of the money in the children's account, I don't see any moral conflict. I'm kind of surprised that other people do!

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/09/2009 16:35

if your parents are wealthy - could they lend you the money?

or would this seriously piss off your dh/make him feel a failure ?

you CAN NOT keep up with your family/jones's and make yourself into debt

to earn £70K a year and still have £10k debt seems rather foolish to me

but guess whatever you earn - we always want spend more

40% of income is a lot to spend on a house - but on the other hand sometimes you need to strectch ourselves to get what we want

you say your lifestyle is comfortable, so I would write down EVERY thing you spend and have a look to see how you can save

a takeaway each week of £20 is over £1k and dh&I often have 1 a week - so if i were you that would be the first thing to go ifswim

justabouteatingchocolate · 04/09/2009 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Thunderduck · 04/09/2009 16:43

YABU.

vinblanc · 04/09/2009 16:46

I took the children's savings money when we were in debt. It is not good to be paying interest on a huge loan, when they are getting a relatively piddly rate of return.

You have to think of the whole family. 8 year olds do not need savings.

Buda · 04/09/2009 16:51

I think that if you have been putting money into savings accounts for your children whilst also accumulating debt then you really cannot afford to save like that (or spend like that!).

My parents never had savings accounts for us. They were too busy feeding and clothing us. We never expected any lumps sums either.

If you remember roughly how much was given to them in gifts and how much you paid in I would take out the amount that you paid in and use it to pay off some of the debt.

Then I would do something like shakira suggested. Look on it as a challenge. Or even a job! It is your job for this year to see that you pay off your debt. Your job for the next year can be to see if you can save.

There are lots of threads on here with ideas for cost cutting and budgeting.

Original poster
kaz33 · 04/09/2009 16:53

I have gone back to work 3 days a week.

And this year we went camping for our holidays, which we loved.

And what exactly are they going to do with 4 grand when they are 18?? Blow it no doubt, we and my parents will no doubt pick up the tab for university. Thats fine, if we could afford for them to do it. But I would be pretty angry.

Think I am minded to leave some in there like £1000K each, that deals with the money that other people have given them and means that they do get a nice 18th birthday present which hopefully they can respect and use wisely, but if they blow it on wine women and song that wouldn't stress me out to much.

Then that is £5,500 to take it down to £25K debt, out target could then be reduce it to £20K by christmas.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 04/09/2009 16:53

YABU

To maintain a "comfortable lifestyle" you want to taken the kids' savings?

No way.

My children have enough saved to pay what we owe on the house but I wouldn't dream of using it. It is their money and it doesn't seem that you would ever be able to replace it.

Buda · 04/09/2009 16:58

But Fab the OP actually saved most of the money for the children whilst also going into debt. Seems a bit daft.

MrsGokWantstogocampingagain · 04/09/2009 17:01

Pop onto MSE and the Debt Free Wanabe forum and the guys there will help you with paying off the debt.

dfw

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 04/09/2009 17:01

Yes, but they are not in debt to the same amount as saved so they have been very silly over money - and keeping up with wealthier people is just plain daft.

lilysam · 04/09/2009 17:04

I've just realised - your £30k in debt AFTER using the bonus to pay off some!

You sound like you're going to use thier cash regardless and just want MNers to justify it for you. You won't give up your extravagent lifestyle after having huges salaries [hmmm]

As for your kids 'blowing' any savings they get it sounds like they will inherit this attitude to money from you.

The money we are saving for our kids is for uni (if we can save enough) or at least towards a car, deposit for flat etc...

You bought a house you couldn't afford, and spend too much to keep up with others....nothing to do with whether you've contributed to the kids accounts at all but your preference to spending rather than saving!

sherby · 04/09/2009 17:07

Take the money, you saved it. Yes originally you saved it for them and now you need it for something else. They are 8 fgs, it is ridiculous being in debt when you have that money sat there, which is actually YOUR money.

Pay some of the debt off, work out a plan for the rest of it, budget and cut down on the crap you are wasting money on.

stickylittlefingers · 04/09/2009 17:10

If you've been having probs spending money in the past, I would be tempted to keep the kids money safe so you don't end up running through that and more ( I think you suggested as much in one of your posts).

Like other people have said, concentrate on spending your own money wisely, saving what you can, get rid of your own credit cards and just keep the one for company expenses and nothing else. Do a budget.

Some people are good with money and others are not. If you're a not - it's like overeating - work out what makes you do it, then stop doing it.

Maybe have a bit of a chat with the parents. If they're sensible they'll make sure they don't make any silly comments that would demean your DH. Presumably they haven't always been wealthy?

lilysam · 04/09/2009 17:12

If you think you can reduce your debt by 5k by christmas - which is absolutely fantastic.....if you can continue like that then why take the kids money?? or not 'borrow' it and pay them back??

potplant · 04/09/2009 17:12

You say you gave up a well paid job, do you work now? Could you go back?