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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to cash in my childrens savings plans?

237 replies

kaz33 · 04/09/2009 14:36

We are in debt, for several years since the boys were born (8,6) we have been struggling with debt. I gave up my lucrative job and we bought a house we could not afford (only three beds but nice area)

DH just got a £20K bonus, and have just paid off over £10k. We are roughly £30k in debt but finally we are earning enough to maintain our comfortable but not totally extravagant lifestyle.

The boys have got about £7.5k in their savings plan I want to cash them in and pay off some more of our debt.

Is this totally immoral ? What would you do?

I'm not scared of harsh words

OP posts:
WidowWadman · 06/09/2009 17:23

I wonder how habitable you'd find my house. I guess you'd be horrified.

alwayslookingforanswers · 06/09/2009 17:25

lol Widow - I was thinking the same thing.

Still we think we may have at least found the issue that was causing the wet bathroom wall.......a buggered bit of guttering on the other side of the wall..........well fingers crossed it's that and not rising damp which is the only other possible solution put forward by our builder friends..........

vinblanc · 06/09/2009 17:27

But we shouldn't all need to live as if we were in the black hole of Calcutta. If you want to, then fine.

We found that what was right for us was to take out short term loads, which we paid off within their 4-year schedule. We did it all by ourselves - no handouts from the government (taxpaper). When we borrowed money from our inlaws, we paid it back with interest (halfway between the savings and borrowing rate).

I don't really think there is much mileage on debating on such an uneven field.

alwayslookingforanswers · 06/09/2009 17:30

but it's not a case of wanting to - it's about not being able to afford not to live like that.

You chose to get into debt - you by the sounds of it got out of it. The OP has got themselves into debt and seems to view it all like a bit of a joke. I don't see how anyone can be taken seriously with £2000 LEFT OVER each month contemplating using the children's savings instead of sorting out the spending.

WidowWadman · 06/09/2009 17:30

Rising damp is a nasty thing. We've invested in a de-humidifier last winter, which makes a huge difference. We've been running it when we're out of the house (it turns itself off when the capacity is full) and it makes a huge difference to the amount of damp (including mould stains building up) we usually have. Thankfully don't need it in the summer, so it's not a constant drain on the energy budget.

It cost us about 70 quid from Argos, maybe it's a short term fix for you, too?

alwayslookingforanswers · 06/09/2009 17:30

I take it then that you don't claim your child benefit?

alwayslookingforanswers · 06/09/2009 17:32

well friend doesn't think it is rising damp - rather that the water is just coming through the wall - unfortunately ground leve at the other side of the wall is higher than the bottom of our wall - so we can't see what's going on underneath.

Our bathroom wall is permanently wet - you can actually wipe the water off even in the middle of summer .

'tis jolly good fun - but we'll get there..........one day

vinblanc · 06/09/2009 17:37

always - see my post of 16:45.

alwayslookingforanswers · 06/09/2009 17:41

and I take it also that you class anyone that earns less than about £50k (can't remember the exact figure where tax credits/ctc stops but it's somewhere round there) as taking handouts off the government??

Nice to know that the working person in the UK is classed to be the same as someone living on benefits.

alwayslookingforanswers · 06/09/2009 17:42

aha - missed that line in the 16.45 post.

Last question still stands though

off to church now - to earn my pittance as organist - most of which the government takes off me anyhow by reducing my benefits accordingly. Once day it will be ALL mine again.

vinblanc · 06/09/2009 17:50

If you are accepting WTC etc, then you are not arguing on a level playing field.

It is easy to preach to those who have a higher headline figure, but they are paying more n taxes and getting not tax credit. You are paying less in taxes and getting a credit. It is not a level playing field.

What you should be doing is encouraging the OP to live within her means and helping her to find out ways of getting out of debt, instead of scolding her for getting into debt in the first place. Imagine if she were to scold you for having a low income, esoecially for the reasons behind it.

vinblanc · 06/09/2009 17:54

Well, answers, as a Christian you will know all about the concept of earning as much as you can, saving as much as you can and giving as much as you can.

Chocolateteapot · 06/09/2009 18:31

I've changed my mind several times whilst reading this thread but think on balance that the OP should cash in the children's savings schemes (as long as she can and leaving £1000 each to cover gifts) due to the big difference in what they will be earning in interest versus what they will be paying on the debt. But to sit down with her DH and really sort themselves out financially and make a pact to pay the DC's back.

Seeing what has happened to a few friends in the last few months has taught me that you never know what is round the corner eg. bereavement, separation, redundancy. The number one priority has to be for the OP & her DH to sort themselves out financially once and for all, get 6 months emergency fund behind them in the bank which in their position they will be able to do and make sure they never get in the situation again. Having parents who are sorted financially is a huge thing and imo much more important than money at 18 though it's not until you're older that you realise this.

Kaz33 this is your chance to get yourself sorted. Loads of advice on this thread about how to do it and moneysavingexpert is a must, full of fantastic information and advice. You need to be brutally honest about what your true expenditure is, the moneysavingexpert spreadsheet is great and does make you cover everything, not just what you pay out each month in standing orders, it's things like making forward you can afford Christmas, birthdays, MOT & car tax, the chimney being swept, the boiler service etc. You need to get your DH completely on board with this or it won't work which will be such a shame as you have the chance to get your finances into really good shape.

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 06/09/2009 18:37

I don't think Christianity works like that vinblanc, but I think you know that. As a teacher I earn a low enough wage to claim working tax credits ( which I dont claim not that it is relevant). As a Christian I see my job as a vocation and do think it is what God wants me to do rather than earn as much as I can.

I think there is a difference between having a low income ( not that I think I do) and being silly with money.

I do think sometimes that people find it hard to understand other people's budgets. Dp and I had to run up debts and I know that my Mum who has never had an even averagely paid job just cannot understand how we could not manage without runnung up debts. But that was not to do with tax credits etc but because she has a low mortgage whereas ours was a relatively new one.

I can remember living on benefits and at that time the wage I have now would have been huge. Now we get by. Your expectations in life just change, we get greedy as well.

dittany · 06/09/2009 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vinblanc · 06/09/2009 18:40

You haven't heard that (Christian) saying, DM?

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 06/09/2009 18:40

I agree chocolateteapot, we have turned a huge corner financially and part of that was no longer bumbling through life thinking we earn reasonable salaries so everything must be OK.

Every expense we have is accounted for from sweeping the chimney, to Christmas. I also spent a few months using microsoft money and accounting for every single penny that I spent so I could see where changes could be met. We have cleared in a few months quite a sizable chunk of our debt by doing this,

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 06/09/2009 18:43

I am not saying I have not heard of it, I am just saying that Christianity is not as simple as going out and earning as much as I can and then giving it away. I do actually give money away as directed by my faith but I don't agree that religious people have an obligation to earn as much as they can. I think we have a duty to have a job that creates as much good as possible, that may be looking after our children, it may be running a business and giving money away or it may be following a vocation - as I have done.

SomeGuy · 06/09/2009 19:14

I'm sorry you don't agree with me, Someguy. I always tagged you as a very sensible member

So anyone who disagrees with you is not?

When I say that people don't know what it is like to have money troubles when in a different income bracket, I am serious.

First of all, different salary levels come in different tax brackets. The OP will be in the 40% marginal bracket. Add to this that she won't be in receipt of lucrative tax credits (which, frankly, baffle me). It is very easy for someone on, say, 20k, to think that someone on 80k earns 4x as much as them, but of course that is not the case at all, or even close.

Well yes and no. On £20k with two kids you would pay something like £4000 in tax, and receive about £3500 in tax credits.

So your net income would be £19500. On £80,000 you would pay around £26,000, leaving you on £54,000.

This is roughly 3 times as much, which is still a huge amount considering that the £20,000 will probably be entirely consumed by basic necessities, such as food and shelter. A litre of petrol costs the same whether you earn £20,000 or £200,000. Obviously people do spend more as they earn more - when my income was lower we ate lots of minced beef and cheap cuts of meat, and wouldn't consider spending £50 on a turkey at christmas, or buying a brace of grous for dinner.

Anyway, I imagine that most of the preachers on this thread receive substantial tax credits, so it is very easy for them to get onto their soapbox. It would be interesting to see them if they stood on their own two feet.

There's no sense in lecturing people about tax credits. People should claim what they can. I have always held this view, and is quite independent of my wider views on the welfare state. People have a responsibility to their families to look after them as best they can. If the money is there, you claim it.

And if the government wants to pay people to have children, then that's part of your means, and that's what you budget to. We live in a welfare state and the result of that is very complex in terms of the higher cost of living that it produces, effective subsidies to low pay, and so on. I don't see that it's rational to say 'well you couldn't budget if it wasn't for the welfare state', because (1) people don't have to, and (2) people in many countries DO successfully budget without the welfare state.

Before anyone rushes to criticise, we do live within our means, but haven't always. This is why I can empathise with the OP. It is very easy to justify extravagent spending - in our case, by getting a necessary kitchen in our new house (10k - relatively modest) and a car suitable for a large family (almost 20k, but when MPVs were new on the market, ao not much second-hand availability), as well as other new house expenses. Before you know it, you are 30k in debt. The interest charges are suddenly £500 per month which is a major chunk out of your income.

Eh?

There's nothing wrong with having a £10k kitchen or a £50k kitchen even, I just can't understand why you would go into debt to get it. Same with the car. Interest charges do not 'suddenly' become £500/month, they become that because you've spent money you don't have. That's your choice, of course, but when it affects others, as it does here, it's a problem.

We are fairly fortunate that we have always been modest in spending even during fat years, but because we are a relatively large family, it is hard to limit our outgoings. We don't get any govt handouts beyond child benefit. I find it difficult to have a reasonable debate with anyone who does, tbh. I fund, they spend.

I'm not sure what your outgoings are, but I know someone with a large family, they cancelled their private school plans because they had twins. This has limited their outgoings rather effectively.

An awful lot of people are receiving tax credits that are in excess of what they actually pay in tax. That is why it is a stupid system that I hope the next govt jettisons into space.

Tax credits is just a name for benefits. Unemployed people receive more than they pay in tax, by definition. Many people are too sick for work and will likewise be net recipients,

You can certainly argue that the name 'tax credits' is just left-wing propaganda, and I'm sure that's correct, but the concept of paying people more in benefits than they pay in tax is not a new one.

If you are accepting WTC etc, then you are not arguing on a level playing field.

Again, you need to unravel the welfare state, the 40+% of GDP that goes on public spending, and the ridiculous cost of living of the UK before you can truly argue that.

What you should be doing is encouraging the OP to live within her means and helping her to find out ways of getting out of debt, instead of scolding her for getting into debt in the first place. Imagine if she were to scold you for having a low income, esoecially for the reasons behind it.

Nobody should spend more than they earn, it's just not a rational choice. And generally when people act irrationally, they get criticised, especially on AIBU.

Being on a low income because your husband has left you looking after 3 children is not something that you could consider a choice. Spending more than you earn and then raiding your kids' savings IS a choice, and one which is especially irksome given that, despite what you say about taxes and benefits, quadrupling a modest income would typically result in a 100-fold increase in disposable income. When you earn £20k and have £10/month left over, then increasing to £80k would leave you with £3000/month left over.

I don't see why acting irresponsible money should be any different from any other kind of destructive behaviour criticised on here. Some people seem to see it as a badge of pride, being fiscally incontinent. It's not.

SomeGuy · 06/09/2009 19:15

As a teacher I earn a low enough wage to claim working tax credits ( which I dont claim not that it is relevant).

Why not?

Lizzylou · 06/09/2009 19:22

Vinblanc, we don't have tax credits and there had been umpteen attempts to advise and recommend money saving tips to the OP.

We went from 2 very good salaries to just one after DS1 was born 5.5 years ago and have done so without getting into debt, have changed cars and moved to a bigger home, all by living within our means, saving and bonuses from work.
I am by nature probably a lot like the OP, a born fritterer with money but my DH is excellent with money and I am so glad.

The tax credits argument is a red herring imo.

alwayslookingforanswers · 06/09/2009 19:25

not sure where got that idea from regards to Christianity .

Lizzylou · 06/09/2009 19:30

Oh, there is a bible story isn't there?
About a Father who gives money to his sons, hmm, not v good Catholic sorry

alwayslookingforanswers · 06/09/2009 19:31

"Seeing what has happened to a few friends in the last few months has taught me that you never know what is round the corner eg. bereavement, separation, redundancy."

Surely the best plan would be to leave the children's savings for such possible events and use their (very reasonable) "spends" money to pay off the debt.

As has been pointed out if they sat down and worked it out they could actually pay off the debt relatively quickly. The savings would be still there if absolutely required (and they're not needed at the moment) and they can then add to them again once the debts are cleared.

alwayslookingforanswers · 06/09/2009 19:35

as you mean the man giving his servants some money. That parable is about using the gifts we're giving and increasing them, not making as much money as possible

the father and son's one is where one son takes his inheritance and goes off and blows it all, ends up living with the pigs, but he goes home and his father welcomes him back with open arms even though he's blown it all.

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