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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP thinks it is vanity that I should request a tummy tuck

98 replies

kangaroopouch · 04/09/2009 12:23

Im 10 years post C section...and I have the stupidest pouch of skin which despite dieting and exercise has never ever gone.

I look like i have kangaroo pouch and am very concious of it. Anyway my GP referred me to a consultant who has said that he is happy to perform the tummy tuck operation (I have to lose a small amount of weight first). So some time next year fingers xssed ...DP however thinks it is a dreadful waste of money/ resources and thinks I should put up my own money and do it privately or just put up with this pouch . Despite me explaining how I feel he doesnt see that it upsets me and Im not happy with the way I look.

Now I dont know what to do

OP posts:

bigTillyMint · 06/09/2009 10:24

Is your DH worried about the possible dangers from the operation? Or does he think you are draining NHS resources on cosmetic treatment?

You are so lucky to get the option to have it done on the NHS , but it is a major operation and your DH obviously loves you as you are!

kitsmummy · 06/09/2009 10:48

I just want to say Op that I totally understand where you're coming from. I had a breast reduction 11 years ago because I was totally self conscious and it did dictate my life to a certain extent - always wore baggy tops, wouldn't wear swimming costume etc. I had the op and everything has been great ever since. No more body hang ups, am a bit overweight but not especially bothered about it. My problem was resolved and now I'm happy. People seem to be thinking because her tummy upsets her so much she must have psychological issues that wouldn't be resolved with the op - I totally disagree with this.

expatinscotland · 06/09/2009 10:52

Being self-conscious is a psychological issue.

With regards to large breasts, a lot of times there's a health issue in that the weight of them compromises the spine and causes a lot of pain.

But a pouchy tummy doesn't cause health issues, just cosmetic ones.

It's a lot to risk your life for.

The op is also more complicated than breast reduction and has a greater potential for post-op complications.

RumourOfAHurricane · 06/09/2009 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 06/09/2009 10:57

True, shineon. There are a couple of key elements: cosmetic surgery on the NHS, the pressure on women to look like 17-year-old girls when they're 40 and have given birth at least a couple of times.

RumourOfAHurricane · 06/09/2009 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SomeGuy · 06/09/2009 12:13

My DW has had a CS and dislikes her tummy, so we bought a treadmill and she does 30 minutes every morning. Cardio exercise is the only way to shift fat.

SomeGuy · 06/09/2009 12:15

Although,as others said, bit odd that this is a new user, making such good newspaper bait.....

Original poster

kangaroopouch · 06/09/2009 13:02

Shineon...I am really a genuine Mnetter

DP has gone, we had a mahoosive argument yesterday and he walked. I am feeling very low today but all your wonderful advice really is giving me a distraction and also a reasoned arguement for an against.....maybe the consultant is using the op as a carrot to dangle in the hope that when I lose the weight I will see things differently?....either way i could feel better about myself.

I really dont know what to do about DP, he will not speak to me and wont answer his phone

OP posts:

skihorse · 06/09/2009 15:54

someguy I can see where you're coming from, but shifting fat is not the same as shifting skin. You can have a bodyfat % of less than 20% and have muscles... but if you've got saggy skin, you've got saggy skin.

AnAuntieNotAMum · 06/09/2009 16:33

Kangaroo - if it was the other way around and your DH was insisting on cosmetic surgery how would you feel if you said, but I love you the way you are, I fancy you the way you are, I don't want you to risk your life for it and just who do you want to look sexy for if not for me?..and he said...I need to do this for me...would you understand?

expatinscotland · 06/09/2009 17:05

it's never just for you when you have little kids, unfortunately.

it's a risk. a big one.

for cosmetic reasons.

jellybeans · 06/09/2009 17:14

I agree with your DP. I know it's hard ( I have had 3 sections and a full term twin pregnancy) but I almost bled to death after 1 section so I would never have a non essential op. Most mums look simelar and have bellies. I find something awful about our society which encourages people to cut and change themselves. As has been said, we all get old and saggy in the end. i would be more worried if your DP encouraged you (like that awful kerry katonas DH).

bigTillyMint · 06/09/2009 17:17

I can't believe your DP would walk out on you because he didn't want you to have a tummy tuck - there must be more going on here.

dittany · 06/09/2009 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 06/09/2009 19:56

i had an op i needed, too, jellybeans, on my leg and had a complication from the anaesthesia that made my temp shoot up whilst i was out and nearly die.

i was crapping myself when i had to have an ERPC.

people take it for granted it all goes well 100% of the time.

expatinscotland · 06/09/2009 19:56

i had an op i needed, too, jellybeans, on my leg and had a complication from the anaesthesia that made my temp shoot up whilst i was out and nearly die.

i was crapping myself when i had to have an ERPC.

people take it for granted it all goes well 100% of the time.

Malificence · 06/09/2009 21:44

I would never have cosmetic surgery to change my body, having required it due to skin cancer on my face and needing a skin graft below my eye, I would not choose it voluntarily.
I have quite an apron myself plus terrible stretch marks 19 years on from having my daughter, without it I would be a size 14-16 instead of 16-18 but I honestly don't care and neither does my husband, it certainly doesn't put him off touching my body.
Take a look at really badly disfigured people like Simon Weston, confidence comes from the inside and changing the way you look won't change how you feel if you are insecure , a tummy tuck may make you feel better in the short term but what about the next "problem"?

8oreighty · 16/04/2010 15:59

Kangaroo - I am in a similar position to you...reading with real interest, but a bit upset by how unsupportive some mners can be. I have a 'pouch' both above and below my belly button that will never go, excess skin (which has a layer of fat even though I am not fat at all) and nothing I can do to get rid of it. I am a size 8/10...thinner than before I had my twins.

I would have to pay for my tt...but it gets me down so much I am seriously considering it. I am just very scared of things going wrong.

I know what you mean about not wanting 'beach' holidays...I feel the same way, I am actually already in counselling, and I am pretty ok with myself. No matter how you look at it, my stomach just does look pretty awful, I had my muscles repaired already as they were so separated it was considered a hernia...

SKIHORSE - what happened to you? Why were there complications, can you elaborate?

MorrisZapp · 16/04/2010 16:06

Hang on, do CS result in worse loose skin etc?

Why is this?

APassionateWoman · 16/04/2010 16:11

I think you are absolutely barmy. You've had two kids. You've got a bit of a saggy tummy. Nobody died. The world hasn't stopped turning. Spend the money on counselling and learn to love yourself.

I also think it is crazy that anyone who has had two c-sections would willingly go under the knife for such a superficial reason!

CirrhosisByTheSea · 16/04/2010 17:14

Old thread, but I think it's utterly barmy as well and truly ridiculous to be so self centred that you won't go on beaches because of some tummy skin

GOD, life is so precious, so wonderful, enjoy it - look outside yourself and have some fun fgs. I can't bear it when people allow themselves to be so self obsessed that they will stop themselves living life to the full because of this sort of thing.

Nellykats · 16/04/2010 21:56

Some years ago, I had a benign tumour removed from my breast, it was not a big operation but left me in pain (and a bit of fear) for months and made me wonder why anybody would want to go under the knife for any reason other than a health one.

I really do understand how painful it is to lose our looks, never been Scarlet Johanson but not enjoying turning into my old aunt either. But its life isn't it? So the breasts are a bit saggier and the belly less perky and my bum will eventually touch the floor.

And so bloody what?

Tracy Emin said that she prefers a middle aged woman to learn a new language than have plastic surgery and I so agree with her really. After all, it's not plastic tits that will make me feel better about myself, besides I have so much more to enjoy in life than skin...

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