DP thinks it is vanity that I should request a tummy tuck

[kangaroopouch]

Im 10 years post C section...and I have the stupidest pouch of skin which despite dieting and exercise has never ever gone.

I look like i have kangaroo pouch and am very concious of it. Anyway my GP referred me to a consultant who has said that he is happy to perform the tummy tuck operation (I have to lose a small amount of weight first). So some time next year fingers xssed ...DP however thinks it is a dreadful waste of money/ resources and thinks I should put up my own money and do it privately or just put up with this pouch . Despite me explaining how I feel he doesnt see that it upsets me and Im not happy with the way I look.

Now I dont know what to do

kangaroopouch - I mostly agree with your DH I'm afraid. It'd be one thing if you could afford it but you're saying you'll have to get a loan?! This seems madness. You want to impact your families finances to have a dangerous and unnecessary cosmetic surgery?

Everyone has bits of their body they don't like and I don't think it is vanity, rather a lack of self-esteem that makes someone feel it is necessary to have surgery to change them. Your whole family will be better off if you concentrate on working on the feeling that it is necessary for your happiness rather than spending money on surgery. No amount of exercise will get rid of a baby pouch. It is a normal part of life.

Tummy tuck surgery is a rather large, painful and dangerous surgery. It is risky. It is not the same as something like a breast reduction in that you can get serious problems with your back from having large breasts, having a post-baby tummy will not give you any health problems, it is just something you feel down about.

madamecasta You prefer the NHS treating diabetes (type II) and joint replacements?

Do it. If your GP and consultant feel you should have it on the NHS than do it.

No skihorse I prefer people to take responibility for their weight and think when they are munching on another cream bun about the fact that they won't be able to run round a field with their children and will probably die prematurely.

In very rare cases people are fat for other reasons than consuming more calories than they born off but it really isn't rocket science and would save the NHS loads.

Magic knickers - that's my answer.

I really, really sympathise with the OP. I too have had a saggy tummy after having my children and I went to my GP to find out what I could do and was told I have diastasis rectii (i.e knackered tummy muscles that have over-stretched and won't go back to where they should be.)

I've also lived with this for 10 years and have considered a TT on many occasions. Then, out of the blue last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy, so now I still have a fat tummy but also only one boob.

I'm 'entitled' on the NHS to a reconstruction and it might be possible to take extra flesh from my stomach to make a new boob. Brilliant, you might think, all problems solved in one go. Sounds great in theory, doesn't it?

BUT I have decided against it because I had such a horrendous time after my mastectomy, and that was such a smaller op (even though it was still classed as major surgery). I reacted badly to the GA, I kept blacking out, I couldn't talk properly for a week, I could hardly walk for several days and I had a seroma (build up of fluid) for 6 weeks which kept bursting (in bed and on one glorious occasion in the GP's surgery all over him!!) and needed dressing daily from the district nurses.

If I was that bad after this op, how on earth would I cope with having an even bigger op taking bits from one bit of me and adding them on to another?

Am I trying to put you off - you bet I am!

As I said, magic knickers are the answer, and in my case, a silicone boob.

If you have been offered it on the NHS then I ouldnt worry about whether or not you should be paying for it prvately, or if you are wasting NHS resources, as obviously the people best placed to judge think that you are entitled to it.

I would agree with the people who have mentioned the problems that can result from tummy tucks. The scars tend to be very large, and the people who I have seen who are happiest with the reslut are the people who have had mechanical problems from the overhang ( ie sore, rubbing skin) rather soley cosmetic problems.

I don't blame you for wanting the surgery - but be aware that a tummy tuck is just about the most painful cosmetic surgery you can have. There's huge discomfort afterwards and very heavy scarring.

madamecasta glad we got that sorted out - I too agree that anorexics and bulimics need to take responsibility for themselves and stop draining NHS resources!

I sympathise with you@OP - 2 sections have left my stomach saggy, too. But after having two sections, I cannot imagine willingly having more surgery - non-essential surgery at that.

Your choice, though.

That said, I think your DH should probably get on board if it's what you want and it's planned.

There was a wonderful photo of a naked woman in the Daily Mail website this week with a tummy pouch. She looked fantastic and everyone was commenting about how normal she looked compared with all the usual airbrush stuff. i am not computer literate enough to provide a link...but do search the website, it's the sort of thing they will keep up and be reassured how wonderful people can still look with a bit of a pouch!!
Also do remember what happened to Colin Hendry's wife. It's not all smooth sailing to get a flat stomach.
I too have post C-sec pouch!

Skihorse - I think you will find the majority of people with anorexia or bullemia are suffering from a metal illness.

I wasn't aware that gluttony was classed as a mental illness!

to answer someone up thread who said "obsessive because she doesn't like the way she looks" with a nice after; well yes I think that's obsessive when it's to do with one body part which is not actually causing any medical complications and when it stops the person from accessing normal life and impacts on other people, eg a family holiday being cancelled.

I mean, god we probably all have bits of us that we hate but I think it is a psychological issue when you cancel a 3 week holiday because of a body part.

i also think it's a shame to mind so much about something that has come about through pregnancy and childbirth. Things in life do sometimes come at a cost and we're not the same after. It's part of a process of life. Some lucky people ping back and there are no marks of having borne a child but those people are rare ime.

madamecasta Then consider yourself educated to the mental disorder "binge-eating disorder", axis II on the DSMIV (now updated I know)! See, you learn something new every day!

*sorry to hijack your thread OP - but at least I have knowledge of a TT too!

I'm sorry but I think you should lose weight first.

If you are stone over your BMI then it means you have at least 14lb to lose - even 20lb to get into the middle of your healthy BMI.

If you are already overweight, then I dont think you should have a tummy tuck - lose weight first.

(btw this is from someone who knows how bloody hard that is and is battling a 4 stone over BMI, but I'm halfway there already through sheer willpower and damn hard work. Ok my stomach still has a pouch from my 2 sections, but it is getting better as I lose weight, although I know it will never be perfect.)

I hate the postcode lottery with NHS treatment. My son needed a helmet for plagiocephaly last year and we had to pay £2000 for that as the NHS saw it cosmetic. Didnt care about the links to possible autism, and future mental health problems as well as bullying - yet they're happy to fund a mother of two to have a tummy tuck - a procedure which probably costs a darn sight more than £2k. Bloody NHS need to sort it out.

After 2 emergency sections there are parts of my body that arent great. But hey, thats mother hood. Who gives a shit. You put on magic pants, you go about your life. At least you dont have to worry about being single and finding a bloke who likes your pouch like some of us ;-) But there is no way I would put my life at risk for such major surgery when I have young children. Sorry, but its not an easy op and IMO unneccesary.

Oh, and be warned it probably wont be a magiv cure. My friend paid privately for a breast enhancement last christmas as she was so upset about her boobs. Turns out she's not all that much happier now - her boobs were just her way of focusing her negativity instead of looking at the bigger problem.

So IMO YABU.

Listen to ExpatinScotland - Denise Hendry's family is learning to live without her - all after a supposedly simple tummy tuck. Why on earth would you want to risk the life that you have?

Sorry skihorse - I do still think most people who are obese just eat too much and especially too much of the wrong thing and don't do enough exercise or even move about enough.

By all means binge eat a huge amount of fruit but it won't be that will it? It will be processed white flour shite, sausage rolls and biscuits and such like.

surely if the problem was that bad, you would make losing weight the first priority, to see if it helps?

Seems rather odd to have ruined family holiday due to this problem, yet not have invested the reasonable amount of daily effort to exercise and eat less to try and tackle it.

If some you read my posts carefully you would see that I am aware that I am aware I need to lose weight, and I have excercised constantly to try shape up...go easy on those points as I have them covered

Well DP has left the building, he ranted at me yesterday about how I was self centred etc etc....the statement came from nowhere, we had had a great day and had no discussion of my appointment with the consultant...so now Im in a right state....looks like my losing weight might come a little easier as I feel sick to my stomach that he has walked out and i really dont know what to do

madamcasta I give up, I've tried to educate you. It is called BED specifically because it is a mental disorder and the whole point is that the sufferer "punishes themselves". One does not punish with lettuce and raddish.

I'm really stunned that you cannot comprehend this - I really thought I was teaching you something new but I see your prejudices are too strong.

I'm sorry for you, I hope you can learn to embrace education - or at least realise that you must balance both ends of the scale (badoom tish) - because when you claim that eating disorders are only recognised as mental conditions if the BMI is low then you are being just a touch ignorant/hypocritical and extremely judgemental/patronising towards a section of society desperate to get hep - yet you choose to ridicule.

Sure, some people overeat simply because they are gluttons - nobody can deny that. But... ime, it's those who have a mental disorder such as BED who feel wretched and beg for help, be it banding/surgery/whatever.

Then - the question which begs asking is, "do we treat this with surgery or psychology?". Other western european countries prefer to get to the root cause of the unhealthy eating process through the use of psychology - that of course is not cheap. People are not idiots, they know what foods are high in calories yet still ingest them. People are not idiots - they know that starving themselves is not healthy. I would at least like you to try and see both sides of this.

Which brings me nicely back to kangaroo. You obviously know that a pouch is a pouch and you don't need anybody saying "diet and exercise" because you know that once the pouch is there, it's not going anywhere. I was in training for a triathlon when I had my TT - I'd never been more fit! But, from the position I'm in now - I wish I'd worked through my image problems with a psychologist and spent the money on some fabulous lingerie. This has changed my bodyshape forever! This is not the bodyshape I had and loved all my life - that's very hard to live with. My waist went from 28" to nearly 40" and the swelling took months to go down.

i think if you feel you really need it done you need to speak to dh about it as is he worried about money taking time off to nurse you back to health , is he worried something may go wrong and he loves you just the way you are ?

i know your feelings here and if you feel it would help then really consider it but also need to consider his fears if something goes wrong needing to nurse you etc its a risk if you feel that its worth it and accept you may not come out with better outcome then go for it theres every possibility all will go well but as you know theres also the other side thats not portrayed on the adverts and sadly there as alot of the other outcomes just not heard about

weigh up your life now how much you can do and do do and see if the risk of possibly never doing them things again is worth it when you clearly have a husband that loves you for you and is obviously worried something may happen to you

if it really is worth the risk and will make you feel so much better then just do your research on where you will get it done i wish you luck with whatever decision you make

theres many changes i would like to make but im not brave enough

could you maybe see if there is a less evasive way to maybe help your situation something thats not such a serious op

Kangapouch, sorry you are having a hard time from your dh.

IMHO, you have isolated your issues to your tummy and the NHS is prepared to pay for it, I would say go for it if you have taken on board all the risks. Hard to live with the 'what ifs'.

What I would say is that I have had 2 cs and I can tell that in my case, the pouch is definitely related to weight gain. At my thinnest, my tummy was completely flat. And if I gain weight, the pouch appears due to the scar tissue not being stretchy, hence the overhang of fat. Being a stone overweight would most definitely mean a significant pouch. It is not lack of sit ups, but more overall fat padding that determines the pouch IMO.

I am glad you will be losing one stone for this operation. But just bear in mind that weight creeping up post-op could undo your surgical efforts, as I am sure you are aware.

I think you need to see a counsellor, kanga, I really do.

If you were my partner, I would be terrified.

This is a HUGE procedure with a big potential for complications. I know someone who just had a similar procedure on the NHS, but because she'd been injured by a seat belt in a serious car accident. She's messed up, but thankfully her kids are long grown.

Not to mention every time you go in the potential for MRSA and C.diff.

Being willing to risk your life with a major surgical procedure for cosmetic reasons is serious, and needs counselling, IMO.

I have never had a csection and have a pouch, too.

Because I'm overweight.

I think you need to see a counsellor, kanga, I really do.

If you were my partner, I would be terrified.

This is a HUGE procedure with a big potential for complications. I know someone who just had a similar procedure on the NHS, but because she'd been injured by a seat belt in a serious car accident. She's messed up, but thankfully her kids are long grown.

Not to mention every time you go in the potential for MRSA and C.diff.

Being willing to risk your life with a major surgical procedure for cosmetic reasons is serious, and needs counselling, IMO.

I have never had a csection and have a pouch, too.

Because I'm overweight.

I agree with expat, I've have ops for medical reasons and cannot for the life of me figure out why anybody would put themselves through a major operation for cosmetic purposes. Your DH is scared and he obviously doesn't have a problem with your stomach. Lose weight, see a counsellor and buy spanx.