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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP thinks it is vanity that I should request a tummy tuck

98 replies

kangaroopouch · 04/09/2009 12:23

Im 10 years post C section...and I have the stupidest pouch of skin which despite dieting and exercise has never ever gone.

I look like i have kangaroo pouch and am very concious of it. Anyway my GP referred me to a consultant who has said that he is happy to perform the tummy tuck operation (I have to lose a small amount of weight first). So some time next year fingers xssed ...DP however thinks it is a dreadful waste of money/ resources and thinks I should put up my own money and do it privately or just put up with this pouch . Despite me explaining how I feel he doesnt see that it upsets me and Im not happy with the way I look.

Now I dont know what to do

OP posts:
posieparker · 04/09/2009 12:59

I have had 4 sections and would definitely have both my tummy and breasts 'done'.

gladders · 04/09/2009 13:02

am also post CS and have the dreaded pouch above my scar- it's not too bad though - liveable as long as i don't expect to prance around in a bikini!!

weight loss/exercise have made no difference - only surgery would ever help.

if your GP and a consultant have agreed to it then your case must be quite extreme? they are the ones who decide how to ration nhs resources and have decided you are a worthy recipient. nothing to do with your dh.

and although it won't make your entire life perfect, it will make you much happier about your body - quite a key thing if it means you will gain confidence and be able to go swimming/on holiday with your children?

go for it!

HolidaysQueen · 04/09/2009 13:05

KP, if you say you are not generally unhappy, then is this really affecting your life that much? Yes, cancelling a holiday is extreme and does show how self-conscious it makes you, but if you can still say you are generally happy then I'm not actually that sure how life-changing this surgery would be. Surely non-essential surgery, with all its risks, when you don't have the money to pay for it so are taking up NHS resource, should only really be undertaken if the problem is affecting your whole life. But you've said it isn't and that you are generally happy. We all have things we are self-conscious about, but feeling self-conscious about one thing in an otherwise happy life is a long long way from it making you so bloody miserable that your whole life is affected on a daily basis.

Original poster
kangaroopouch · 04/09/2009 13:09

When I say Generally happy I mean that the problem isnt some underlying depression, it does affect my life in so far as there are things I wont wear, Im self concisous about things I do and will avoid certain situations. But there is no underlying reason for my need to change the way I look other than what I have said previously.

I take on board the councelling advice, I think that would be important and soemthing I hadnt considered, but only as part of the operation either pre or post op.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 04/09/2009 13:29

Any fear that keeps you enjoying a full life could benefit from therapy. It's interesting that you only see it as part of the operation

This prevents you going on holiday and being comfortable in your own skin.

sitdownpleasegeorge · 04/09/2009 13:51

If my dh objected I would point out that we could have spent at least £5,000 less on our last family car but he preferred those at the luxury end of the market. It's only marginally more comfy inside than the cheaper similar alternatives and the extra money was all about look/status really. The servicing and repairs are all more expensive too. I drive it about once every few months so it is really his car, I have a small older car for shopping and getting to work myself.

I'm considering a breast reduction and will therefore not be put off by any "waste of money/resources" argument from dh.

I know of a very silly, almost vacuous friend of a friend who was put on the waiting list for a rhinoplasty on the NHS when she was dreadfully upset at splitting up with a boyfriend and looking for all sorts of reasons why her life was miserable. She did have the surgery a year later and ended up even prettier than she was before, she was never unattractive despite the slight hump in her nose.

There are plenty of women who have cosmetic surgery on the NHS including breast enlargement.

Go for it and do not be belittled by your dh for going ahead but do sort out wills and life insurance as no major surgery is free of risk.

Original poster
kangaroopouch · 04/09/2009 13:55

am loving that last line SDPG

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 04/09/2009 13:56

Sitdownpleasegeorge - do you have figures which back up your claim that plenty of women still get cosmetic surgery, including breast augmentation, on the NHS please / Thanks

To the OP - this is more than a cosmetic issue if it stops you going on holiday. Definately look into some counselling before you make any final decisions about major surgery.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 04/09/2009 14:05

If it's affecting your life and your GP has agreed then you should absolutely go for it.

I have a crepey stomach and an overhang from a Radical Hysterectomy when DS2 was 15 months. I was devastated by the state of my stomach initially after the surgery and did briefly consider surgery but I think that was more coming to terms with the changes in my body.

I'm quite ok about it now, it doesn't affect my life at all but if it did I would consider getting something done.

luckylady74 · 04/09/2009 14:21

I really do feel for you-I can't imagine cancelling a holiday and upsetting everyone else, but I didn't swim in the sea this summer, couldn't face getting my arse out so paddled in shorts instead- it was the North sea though so not that weird.

However,I was really depressed by a programme on channel 4 recently called Embarrassing Bodies that showed a women getting a boob job on the nhs because she was so depressed by her post pregnancy boobs-which frankly look just like mine after breast feeding 3 kids. What have we come to that perfectly normal bodies showing the wear and tear of age and child birth are considered worthy of severe medical intervention on the nhs?I'm writing as someone who had ivf trearment privately because it seemed wrong when I could pay to take up the waiting list.

I too need to exercise off a stone to get my bmi under 25 and then if I tone up I'll be swimming in the sea next year with my magic swimsuit - £20 from Littlewoods and like a comfy corset!

You need to put this in perspective with counselling before you go into major surgery.

My mum had a face lift years ago (funded from her own money) OMG it was grotesque - staples in her head and long recovery time and she doesn't even look that much better for her age (please god never let her read this!).
All of us who wear make up and so on are vain to an extent, but this is major surgery.
Really do have counselling first and then even if you do have it you'll be able to see that it is vanity and your overfocussing on it is symptomatic of something mental not physical.

skihorse · 04/09/2009 14:27

I know where you're coming from - but maybe your hubby is just scared.

I had a TT 14 months ago and it nearly killed me. I mean I nearly died in hospital - had persistant seromas (over 1 litre at a time) and the pain didn't go away until xmas last year. It wasn't what I expected - it's changed my shape and I have very little feeling on the front of my stomach.

My OH was devastated by how ill I was. My parents flew in to the country and sat by my bed and cried as I haemorraged faster than the transfusions were going in.

jazzandh · 04/09/2009 14:35

I know where you are coming from too - I hate my "pouch" - but would also say to lose the stone you need to first.

I really really hated my stomach, would poke and prod at it - but have just lost the stone or so that I needed too, and now it is acceptable. Not great - but can be hidden quite easily!

slowreadingprogress · 04/09/2009 14:49

personally I don't think it sounds like your major difficulty is your tummy - it sounds like it's your obsessiveness to be honest.

I think cancelling a 3 week family holiday because of it is truly obsessive and really, really sad that you could do that to your children.

Personally I would get counselling around obsessive thoughts and behaviours, and do it wholeheartedly, not as "I'll do this to get my op"....

Original poster
kangaroopouch · 04/09/2009 14:53

I didnt do anything to my children..I just cancelled a beach holiday and we found an alternative holiday that meant I wouldnt have to go on the beach, which the children were happy with.

and as for doing that to get my op, I dont think that either.

OP posts:
Tortington · 04/09/2009 15:01

go for it.

SouthMum · 04/09/2009 15:50

Obsessive? For not liking how she looks?

OP - go for it but just make sure you make an informed decision and weigh up pros /cons etc

DP is right - it is vanity..... so is putting make-up on, buying nice clothes and wanting to look good to feel good. And the problem with that is what exactly?!

wasabipeas · 04/09/2009 16:41

I think you should go for it
I was moaning to my MIL about the state of my belly, and she let slip that she had a tummmy tuck after having DH and it was the best thing she did.
She said it made her feel like she had 'reclaimed' her body.
It took a few years for the scarring to fade (although this is back in the pre-Bio Oil days, I'd imagine) and she had 'dog ears' on the edges of the scar
Her op was also on the NHS (albeit 30-odd years ago) and I share the belief of the OPs who say there is no way your consultant would refer you for this unless they really think you need it

sitdownpleasegeorge · 05/09/2009 10:26

sassybeast

info is anecdotal obviously BUT comes from a friend who works at the local acute trust managing contract pricing and activity data.

moondog · 05/09/2009 10:42

If you need to lose weight first thne obviously you haven't fully explord that avenue.How much weight is 'a small amount of weight' anyway.

It is indeed a grotesque waste of public resources and should never have been okayed by your GP.

You cancelled a holiday you say? My heart bleeds for you.

expatinscotland · 05/09/2009 10:47

Denise Hendry's last 5 years of life and recent death should serve as a warning to anyone thinking unecessary surgery will solve their cosmetic woes.

MadameCastafiore · 05/09/2009 10:49

Have it done - I had my nose fixed after hating it all my life and have never been happier - shallow maybe but if it truely makes you unhappy it will be worth it.

As for the cost - I have more of an issue with all the gastric bands being fitted these days on the NHS - you had kids you didn't eat and eat and eat and get grossly fat and then expect the NHS to do something about it!

expatinscotland · 05/09/2009 10:49

itsnotworthit

hambler · 05/09/2009 11:09

I have a friend who works as a nurse in a privare hospital specialising in cosmetic surgical procedures and she says the worst post op complications she has seen have been after tummy tucks . She had considered one herself (3 c-sections) and would get a discount at the hospital but having seen the complications and scarring said she would advise anyone against it.

beaniebgivesupontheDMarsery · 05/09/2009 11:12

it is vanity but if you are prepared to save tehn good for you. Geting a loan would be silly IMO. Are you sure you have exhausted all excercise attemps? maybe you could really go for it while you are saving and perhaps you will see results?

beaniebgivesupontheDMarsery · 05/09/2009 11:12

it is vanity but if you are prepared to save tehn good for you. Geting a loan would be silly IMO. Are you sure you have exhausted all excercise attemps? maybe you could really go for it while you are saving and perhaps you will see results?

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