to want SOME control over packed lunches?

[kinderfool]

DD's (6yo) first day back at school today and she was a bit nervous about her new class so in her packed lunch, besides her drinks bottle, ham sandwich, a plum, piece of cheese (proper cheese not cheese spread or something) and a box of cherry tomatoes (at least 10 or more), I put in a Kinder egg (a massive treat for her) to cheer her up.

Comes to pick up and she'd had a reasonable day but was anxious to tell me she'd really wanted to eat her egg but hadn't been allowed. Checked her lunch bag expecting that she'd tried to eat that first and been stopped but after checking first and asking her, found out she'd eaten every crumb of everything else and had one little bite of choc before the TA watching stopped her. And it wasn't as if certain things aren't allowed, there's no nut allergy notifications at her school, and no set down rules about what can/can't be brought.

Now I completely sympathise with the need to crack down on kids who get a lunch of Coke, crisps and chocolate AND would completely understand if it was the toy they'd objected to (but dd was told by me she could eat the egg but not to even open the toy bit, to bring it home with her instead and knowing her she'd have repeated this parrot-style to the TA), but this just seems completely overboard for the first day.

As far as I can see, what I sent her with is a balanced meal so as long as it stays that way it should be of no concern to anyone else what I want her to eat. Plus she's a skinny little thing (thanks to never staying still) so the very last thing I need is someone putting ideas into her head that it's only ever acceptable to eat uber-healthy foods.

AIBU to, in a very polite and reasonable way, tell the TA to keep her nose out?

I mean that you have taken a sensible solution to suit you onefunkymama,I think I had 7 alternatives when I listed the options for MsHighwater and HE was one of them. If you send your DC to school they are the school's responsibility-you are not there-if you left them at my house they would be my responsibility while you weren't there. Those with the responsibility can do it 'their way'. The parent who doesn't like it can either try and change it through the correct channels or opt out.

juuule- I agree. The school is there to educate the child- nothing else. Parents should decide what their child eats, most parents are sensible and would not put in rubbish. The ones who aren't would be better off talked to in private because they'll still feed their child complete rubbish at home and if the govt wants to stop obesity they need to deal with the whole day and not a part of it.

I think it much better to talk to everyone, it is much nicer than singling out a parent to tell them alone.That seems rather cruel to me.

Piscesmoon 'Those with the responsibility can do it 'their way'.' Does that mean you think that the Govt and schools have an absolute right to look after a child in whatever way they decide even if the parent has a good reason to say that they think its wrong? have you ever tried getting something changed through the 'correct' channels? Its impossible, nobody listens, or does anything. Opting out of school is not an option for many parents but clearly, looking at the messages here parents are not happy to hand all the child care reins to the school when their children start.

'So, why not stick to educating parents and children about nutrition and trust parents to know what is okay for their children's lunch and just have a word with those parents who repeatedly give rubbish to their children for lunch.'

And they'll most likely tell you to fuck off, because it's their business what their child eats.
You either have a rule or you don't.

But if they are seriously causing their child harm or the school problems with what they are feeding their child perhaps they should be referred on to child welfare if they persist. A visit to their home?
If they are not causing their child any harm or causing problems for the school then they are probably quite right (although incredibly rude and aggressive) to tell you to mind your own.

You wouldn't get through the correct channels on the lunch boxes because parents like me would fight it tooth and nail-I am all for healthy options.Schools are a democracy and the majority view is taken into account. e.g if all parents didn't want uniform they wouldn't have uniform. The majority, are like me, and like uniform.

I chose my DCs schools carefully so that I agree with the policies and the ethos. If I don't like the way that the school thinks is right I can try and change it or opt out-what I can't do is demand that they do it my way!

When your DC starts in reception they are entering a school that may well already have their Healthy School Gold Award or are working towards it. They have fruit for snacks, water to drink etc and have been doing it for some years. It is hardly fair for the reception parent to stamp their foot and say 'I don't like it-I reserve the right for my DC to eat crapchocolate at break!
They either accept it or visit other schools.

The whole thing is ridiculous -why on earth does anyone want to feed their DC sweets and crisps between 9 and 3.30!

It isn't about of wanting to feed crisps and sweets, it's about being the person who decides what is suitable to give to your own child for lunch.

Unreasonable or not (and I do have some sympathy), you are about to embark on a battle you cannot win.

Preserve your energy for something more constructive - and in the meantime, if you must, subvert the system rather than fight it. (Nutella sandwiches? chocolate covered raisins?)

juuule, you are right.
It is about being who decides what is suitable.
To refer back to the OP, I don´t think a Kinder egg is suitable.
Others disagree, and that´s the problem.

I think we are only talking about a rule that says no sweets, crisps or fizzy drinks-I think that is entirely reasonable.

I don't think you can dictate beyond that - as I have said before my DSs had no interest at all beyond it being something they could eat quickly and get out to play. There was no point in wasting time and effort over it.

It isn't worth making an issue about-there are far more important things. Raven was the voice of common sense-that is all it boils down to -common sense. If people don't have it, I think it fairer to leave them anonymous and do a general talk than single them out-it is far more likely to put them on the defensive than to be constructive.

Gah this sort of thing really hacks me off. At DD's preschool they ask parents to bring in one item of fruit a day which is shared out with the other kids (to fulfil the obligations of the 'healthy start' programme) at 'snack time' and when they have a birthday they are allowed to bring in cakes or biscuits.

Once a week she does lunch club, from next year it will be four times a week. Right now I send her Organix carrot stix, a small cheese roll, and a pressed dried fruit stick. Do the carrot stix count as crisps or are they middle class enough to slip through the net as allowable . It's bloody stupid. Nutritionally, there is very little difference if I send her to school with a homebaked muffin with 220 calories and a small kitkat.

And let's be clear on this - kids do need calories and no they don't need masses of food but there is nothing wrong with an adequate, balanced diet including some 'fun' foods.

We're thinking of moving DD to an independent school which serves all their meals while they are there and had unlimited access to fruit. They even have afternoon cakes after they do sports. It seems bizarre to me that there is such disparity of approaches.

Message withdrawn

The op isn't being unreasonable at all in expecting that her child could expect a "finely judged, nuanced approach for each individual lunch". It's what she is willing to provide. What could be considered unreasonable is over-ruling her judgement of what is suitable for her child.

And has been shown on this thread, there is a grey area as to what constitutes 'junk' food.

Regardless of what rules / guidelines they have in place - it's irrelevant if the school cannot enforce them. Spoke to the Headteacher of DSs school regarding lunch boxes (as DS has severe allergy), and whilst they have a healthy eating policy (no sweets / crisps etc) some parents will not follow the rule and the headteacher is powerless to do anything about. If a child only has chocolate spread on bread, plus a choc bar they cannot take all the child's food, and they cannot exclude the child. Once this becomes public knowledge the rules are meaningless.

Very interesting thread.
I remember at school that I was one of the few children who brought a packed lunch that didn't contain crisps or chocolate - my mother didn't allow it for a school lunch (though we had sweet treats at the weekends). I had a sandwich or a heavy soup, juice or water, yoghurt and a piece of fruit. I don't ever remember craving my friends' crisps/sweets. I never badgered my mother for any. Just totally accepted that was the way we did things in our family (and I'm not particularly saintly!).
I am now a slim (not skinny), active adult - I eat well, never miss meals, have plenty of fruit and vegetables, never have pudding on a daily basis - but ALWAYS have pudding when eating out. I enjoy baking cakes now and again on a weekend, and happily get stuck in to eating them with the rest of the family. I'll happily buy myself a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar if I feel like it - this turns out to be not very often.

I'm using my Mum's approach for my DC - it seems to be panning out in a very similar way. So therefore, I'm personally happy to have a school policy that sticks to nutritionally optimum food while at school. Treats can be given by parents while not at school.

Why don't schools have a policy where treats/crap/choc/crisps whatever you want to call it, are allowed in packed lunches on one day of the week? 'Treat Day Friday' or whatever.

That allows for the sensible parents who want to be able to give their children a treat, but stops the numpty parents from sending in junk every day.

I SO hope my DS likes having hot school dinners and I never have to actually make packed lunches though.

Yes, but can you imagine the mayhem every Friday?
Maybe once a month?

These are the types of treats I sometimes put in my children's lunchboxes, as do others, but they're not seen as sweets:-

2 small cookies/jaffa cakes/pieces of shortbread,

a choc digestive bar or a home made fairy cake/mini muffin/penguin, occasionally a 2 finger kitkat.

Along with the normal sandwiches and fruit etc these are seen to be ok, there's a big difference between, say, a penguin bar and a mars bar or pack of haribos, which definitely wouldn't be allowed in our school!

our school has a friday treat day, where children are allowed one treat such as crisp, chocolate biscuit or a cake. It seems to work well, especially as my fridge is usually empty of packed lunch stuff by thursday.

I don't know if YABU (no dc's yet) but when I was in school, we had rules that sandwiches had to be eaten before anything else, that stopped us only eating the sweets.

I think that this fixation with banning chocolate, crisps etc in schools is going to lead to more food problems. I have a cousin who at the age of 14 was counting calories and trying to avoid "bad" foods. No food is completely bad, but moderation is key. I'm learning this now at 19, I let my weight creep up through high school (by going to the local shops when school went healthy in 2005/06- if the school won't provide it for the older one's they'll get it another way. But now I am able to moderate better. My parents also did a good job in ensuring my diet was balanced so although I am proof moderation would have helped, unless our school physically forced us to stay in, there was no way they could have stopped it.

ANYWAY, I think primary schools should be educating and confronting the silly parents who do send their DC's in with a box of processed sugary foods, not penalizing the ones who are giving healthy balanced diets. If you forbid something in primary school, you'll end up with kids doing what I did in secondary, going off site and getting the "forbidden but now very tempting" foods.

Sorry, hate when schools do this, what you feed your kids should be your business unless the child's health is suffering, then I think the schools should step in.

Good post, lollipopviolet.

I remember when almost everyone had schooldinners and we felt sorry for those with packed lunches as we tucked into our hot meals!

Actually at my children's school they aren't even allowed a box of fruit juice! Only water bottle, groan. (to protect their teeth I believe...) After realising that my son was only having the barest sip and me really believing that to have a drink during the day is really important I started sneaking in sugar fee orange squash in an empty friut shoot bottle. They have never questioned it... I feel I've got one over!!

" endless government interference in family life. "

I know - fancy the blasted government providing free education for all and then daring to stipulate what happens in these places of education. Bastards!