to want SOME control over packed lunches?

[kinderfool]

DD's (6yo) first day back at school today and she was a bit nervous about her new class so in her packed lunch, besides her drinks bottle, ham sandwich, a plum, piece of cheese (proper cheese not cheese spread or something) and a box of cherry tomatoes (at least 10 or more), I put in a Kinder egg (a massive treat for her) to cheer her up.

Comes to pick up and she'd had a reasonable day but was anxious to tell me she'd really wanted to eat her egg but hadn't been allowed. Checked her lunch bag expecting that she'd tried to eat that first and been stopped but after checking first and asking her, found out she'd eaten every crumb of everything else and had one little bite of choc before the TA watching stopped her. And it wasn't as if certain things aren't allowed, there's no nut allergy notifications at her school, and no set down rules about what can/can't be brought.

Now I completely sympathise with the need to crack down on kids who get a lunch of Coke, crisps and chocolate AND would completely understand if it was the toy they'd objected to (but dd was told by me she could eat the egg but not to even open the toy bit, to bring it home with her instead and knowing her she'd have repeated this parrot-style to the TA), but this just seems completely overboard for the first day.

As far as I can see, what I sent her with is a balanced meal so as long as it stays that way it should be of no concern to anyone else what I want her to eat. Plus she's a skinny little thing (thanks to never staying still) so the very last thing I need is someone putting ideas into her head that it's only ever acceptable to eat uber-healthy foods.

AIBU to, in a very polite and reasonable way, tell the TA to keep her nose out?

Maybe a rule like that makes it less trouble for everyone though... teachers, pupils, parents, everyone. Just like having a "no wearing spotty red trousers to school" rule or whatever. You're not allowed to do it at school, so no point arguing/worrying about it. Wear spotty red trousers at home all you like!

my DS is very skinny, and I try to put a "pud" in like a home made flapjack, a bit of popcorn or a plain digestive, raisins or a yoghurt. Not had problems.

Oh and teachers eat all sort of "forbiden" stuff at break time and have the cheek of asking some of the children to bin the wrapers for them! (true story !)

I think there is a point arguing about it when the rule is :

1. stupid

2. does not apply to everyone (staff exempted and eating in front of children. Now we are talking stuff principally aimed at children and they have to watch the grown ups eating it!)

I think it is quite OK for schools to ban chocolate in lunch boxes.

So they should ban "chocolate mousse" of the school cantine menu otherwise it is really unfair! I have my own theory that it is a sneaky way to FORCE parents into getting school lunch for their DCs . I happen to be absolutely convinced that lunch boxes can be much healthier than school lunches, even with a chocolate in it every now and then.

gorionine, you are absolutely right. Daughter's school lunches are an absolute disgrace. Every day the food is either fried or ready made, there is a salad bar but the stuff runs out really quickly and it is eye wateringly expensive.

Good posts, Gorionine

Thank god my dc's primary doesn't have lunch box inspections or I'd be falling foul, then.

I shop once a week and by Fridays cupboard is bare so on that day they tend to get choc bar, packet of crisps etc. The rest of the time they get wholemeal stuff, fuit and veg but by the end of the week the fresh stuff is gone.

I really cannot see the problem with chocolate as a pud and why on earth that should be so much worse than cake or worse still cereal bars which do have a lot of sugar in them.

How are parents, and schools, able to teach children about a healthy balanced diet without including the occasional sweet/chocolate? Okay so maybe sending the kinder egg wasn't the best of ideas, but it sounds like a small chocolate bar would have received the same response. Did you ask the school for a copy of their packed lunch policy?

Thanks

Been ennoyed by this issue for a while now!It has gone on and on in my head I think I can now counter any argument that says that "heavy handed" school food policies are a good thing! (I have nothing against about advizing on balanced diet though).

There is also an argument that if you ban foods you set up this whole emotional attachment to "bad" "treat" foods which is where a lot of problems with food come from.

My DH has this and he has the whole "depriving" himself and "rewarding" himself thing which circles around sweets cakes biscits etc. He also hoards them in the house. He is too fat BTW.

It is just so sad to see, when the answer is actually everything in moderation, the occasional chocolate or biscuit won;t do any harm. But setting things up as "bad" foods from a young age can lead to more trouble than it saves.

YABU.Most schools have a no sweets policy and a Kinder Egg would count as a sweet.

I have to say, based on my own experience and my mother's advice as a dinner lady - she may have actually just had too much in her lunch box. They don't get a huge amount of time to eat their dinner and if a child has quite a few bits they may not get time to eat it all.

Quite a few times DD has come home with stuff as she's not had time to eat it all.

Nothing wrong with a kitkat, blue riband etc- most schools don't (and shouldn't complain). A Kinder egg I agree is not the best thing- a treat for after school!!

I think that YANBU, because you were not told that chocolate in a lunch box was against school rules. There is no difference, in terms of nutrition, between a kinder egg and any other kind of chocolate item.

It is not a sweet. Sweets are non-chocolate items, like skittles and starburst.

I have never heard of my DD's school having lunch box rules. She took in chocolate chip cookies today. I would not be happy if they were banned because, as other posters have pointed out, school lunch comes with a pudding.

Gagamama, I fear you are in for a disappointment!

The way schools maintain rules is to enforce them, and they will remove items on the banned list immediately. Sorry!

Otherwise millions of parents would rely on the 'oh they won't snatch candy from a baby' theory dat after day.

I have no problems per se with a child eating a small amount of choc or sweets with a balanced lunch, but no TA is going to have the time to assess the lunch as a whole and make an individual judgement - blanket rules are blanket rules, in schools. It's thier strength, and their weakness, if you like.

"yukky horrible tasteless European chocolate... stick to Cadburys next time ok?"

I LOVE Kinder chocolate and will happily swap any you don't want, PuppyMonkey, for sickly Cadburys!

Back to the OP - I don't really like the way schools are bossily dictating the contents of lunchboxes, but I do understand why, as not everyone can be trusted (like wot you and I can ) - but I do think a Kinder Egg was pushing it a bit in any case - the toy alone might have caused a bit of a rumpus - a Kinder BAR might have been worth fighting the school for (and losing, since lose you will) but you haven't a leg to stand on with the Egg, methinks.

Sorry to only just come back to this! Think I was definitely BU on it being a Kinder Egg, purely because of the toy aspect (which had barely crossed my mind ) but not BU on the chocolate side so I didn't say anything about it today. Gave dd normal (balanced) lunch today with a little bit of (homemade) cake and she ate it all with nothing being said so hopefully it wasn't the first sign of a major crack-down!

Just FWIW because a couple of posters have commented - there is no policy on snacks with packed lunches, checked with the secretary and she said it's down to the lunchtime supervisors to use some discretion so definitely didn't deliberately break any rules. Also I agree on the sweets side because generally they are JUST sugar but personally think chocolate should be seen as a food in the same way as everything else - something to be enjoyed in moderation but not 'bad' or 'good'.

And completely agree re school dinners - dd's school serve nutrionally 'healthy' meals but they don't make any guarantees about things like the quality of the meat (have asked before and am not asking for free range organic waitrose, I mean things like amount of meat in sausages etc). They also fry everything they can, overboil all the veg (have tried them a few times) and yes, serve puddings. So absolutely think my packed lunches are more balanced, even with Kinder chocolate .

Plus I'll take the middle ground, I love Cadburys AND Kinder (especially those eggs)! But will stick to a straightforward bar next time I give dd any with her lunch and see if anything's said. I completely see the toy addition was a bad idea in hindsight but see no problem with a little choc in lunch, when it hasn't been banned by school. Between different snacks like a little cake, or fruit-bread or popcorn etc she doesn't have it in lunch a lot so will see what happens next time.

ravenAK, my dd is not at school yet so I haven't signed any agreement. If and when I am asked to do so, I will not agree to support school policies without knowing what they are and I would specifically refuse to agree to any policy that would dictate to me what food I will provide for my dc.

I am responsible for whatever food I provide for my dd and if I want to give her sweets, crisps or chocolate then I will. I have said this on other similar threads and will say it again. If any child is seen to be suffering (e.g.appears to be malnourished) and is observed to have packed lunches that are always or frequently nutritionally inadequate, then the school has a right (a duty, even) to take action. In the absence of any such evidence, the contents of the child's packed lunch are not the school's business.

OP, on the same basis, I see no problem with you giving your dd a Kinder egg.

I think you may be in for a shock MSHighwater-it is quite simple, staff will remove the items and send them home with her. I would suggest that you take her home for lunch everyday-you can do that and feed her what you like. Unless you are going to go to the school at lunch time and have a slanging match, (I pity your DC if you think it important enough to subject her to it),there is nothing you can do. It is eaten on school premises-they can say what is allowed and not allowed. It was a lot simpler when I was at school, we were not allowed packed lunches-we had school lunches or went home-perhaps they should bring it back and cut out the aggro!

YABU
stupid idea

I have never been asked to sign an agreement-I don't think many school are as formal as that-it is just a question of telling the DCs. I wouldn't want to embarrass mine by giving them the wrong thing. I think the feelings of the DC are more important than ideologies of the parent, especially as you can give them what you like from 3.30pm onwards.

many schools not school-sorry.

Why would you want to give your child chocolate at school?

I think it is the wrong message to give chocolate to cheer someone up-as an adult she will probably comfort eat. A little note would have done the job.

Having just read the whole thread (v interesting)! I have come to the following conclusions! a) I think your heart is in the right place, op, it was a very sweet gesture - okay, maybe you should have realised that the toy thing might be an issue (on my DS's first day, I put in a little smiley face that I'd drawn - he loved it)! b) I agree with MsHighwater, it IS up to parents what they feed their children, they may be eating on school premises but they are still OUR children - I am all for guidance, but not being TOLD what to feed them. Yes, if they had coke, crisps, chocolate everyday in their lunchboxes, of course it would be an issue for the teacher to bring to the fore, but it is what a child eats over the course of the day that matters, everything in moderation, a BALANCED diet c) I am a T.A and wouldn't dream of taking away a child's lunch - if I had a concern, I would bring it to the attention of the TEACHER, who would in turn perhaps speak to the parent - no disrespect to teaching assistants (I am one myself)! but if I was going to be had words with, I would rather it came from the Teacher and not the TA! I would not want to upset a child on its first day (or any day, come to that)! and would simply get the teacher to explain that toys (in any shape or form) are only allowed in school on days when we are doing "show and tell" or something similar. Give the op a break, it's all still new!