to want SOME control over packed lunches?

[kinderfool]

DD's (6yo) first day back at school today and she was a bit nervous about her new class so in her packed lunch, besides her drinks bottle, ham sandwich, a plum, piece of cheese (proper cheese not cheese spread or something) and a box of cherry tomatoes (at least 10 or more), I put in a Kinder egg (a massive treat for her) to cheer her up.

Comes to pick up and she'd had a reasonable day but was anxious to tell me she'd really wanted to eat her egg but hadn't been allowed. Checked her lunch bag expecting that she'd tried to eat that first and been stopped but after checking first and asking her, found out she'd eaten every crumb of everything else and had one little bite of choc before the TA watching stopped her. And it wasn't as if certain things aren't allowed, there's no nut allergy notifications at her school, and no set down rules about what can/can't be brought.

Now I completely sympathise with the need to crack down on kids who get a lunch of Coke, crisps and chocolate AND would completely understand if it was the toy they'd objected to (but dd was told by me she could eat the egg but not to even open the toy bit, to bring it home with her instead and knowing her she'd have repeated this parrot-style to the TA), but this just seems completely overboard for the first day.

As far as I can see, what I sent her with is a balanced meal so as long as it stays that way it should be of no concern to anyone else what I want her to eat. Plus she's a skinny little thing (thanks to never staying still) so the very last thing I need is someone putting ideas into her head that it's only ever acceptable to eat uber-healthy foods.

AIBU to, in a very polite and reasonable way, tell the TA to keep her nose out?

As a teacher I don't get involved in lunches at all-I don't think it has anything to do with teachers-they stopped doing lunch duty years ago. I certainly don't think it is the teachers place to bring it up with a parent.
If a school has a healthy eating policy (lots of them go for a healthy schools award)they make it clear to a parent and DCs that certain things are not allowed in lunch boxes. I don't see a problem with it-sweets can be eaten 3 hrs later and are not part of a meal IMO. The dinner staff are the ones to just ask the DC to save it until they go home.
OP isn't new-her DC is starting Yr2 I would imagine.

Okay, not new, but starting back afresh, so still nervous! Not suggesting teachers get involved in lunches per se, but if there's an issue (say for instance a child's lunchbox continually contained items that are not allowed and it becomes an issue), who are you suggesting flags up the problem with the parent?

i used to be a lunch time controller, the quality of school dinners is not great, grey suspect looking fish fingers etc, and a pudding which is sweet, so I think it unreasonable not to be able to put a kit kat type biscut in an otherwise balanced lunch box. The school do say no crisps and sweets, but don't actually confiscate stuff, my own kids used to moan because I wouldn't let them have any goodies when all their friends did, so i relented and let them have crisps on a friday (which was chip day for school dinners)and a kit kat one other day of the week, it meant on non treat days they could have a kit kat when they got home. instead of a sweet treat you could write a message on the side of a banana!! I still do this much to the embaressment of my 11y old

Im my ds school, the rules are no sweets in lunch boxes. They are allowed chocolate biscuits though. Doesnt make any sense to me, no sweets, but chocolate biscuits, whats the difference!

So a kid could have a hamburger, chocolate biscuit and a bottle of coke. But not a ham sandwich, some fruit and a sweet.

Bonkers!

OMG I can't believe how strict schools are nowadays, I had no idea this sort of control went on. Christ am I in for a shock when DS goes to school!

I agree claw - the choccie biscuits I sent in with my dcs prob have more chocolate than a Kinder egg.

I agree in part with healthy eating etc, but it should be backed up with education

tootyflooty, that is so sweet (the banana)!! Totally agree with you, claw3!!

I'm middle of the road on it. It does actually make a difference to behaviour and I would rather not teach DCs full of additives and on a sugar high in the afternoon.
I don't think that schools should tell you what to pack-my DCs wanted something quick to eat so they could get out to play, and so there was no point in putting in fruit or anything messy because it would come home-it wasn't necessary anyway as they had fruit etc once they got home.DS1, at secondary rarely ate anything-he claimed not to have time, and ate it at 4pm!
I don't see the harm in some crisps or a choc biscuit once in a while-unfortunately some DCs have nothing else and parents, in those cases, need to be encouraged to produce a balanced lunch.
Teachers have enough to do without policing food-I don't think it is anything to do with them.
I only started on here because I think MsHighwater is in for a shock. I doubt very much if she will be asked to agree anything-the school will tell her the policy and she :

1. Falls in with it.
2. Chooses a school that isn't bothered what ther DCs eats in the first place.
3. Takes her DC home for lunch every day.
4. Causes constant aggro for her poor DC by flouting the rules.
5. Tries to change it through the correct channels (governors, Head etc)but will have to bear in mind that she may be a minority view.
6. Home educate.
7. Have school dinners.

(in no particular order)

Purple - I often wonder why they have this rule, restricting some things but not others, its obviously nothing to do with healthy eating!

Its all very conflicting and inconsistent. Its like they are relying on parents to use common sense, but then treating us like idiots!

Perhaps we should start a riot on Monday, shall i have the t-shirts and banners made

The problem is claw3 that some parents have no common sense-I don't look often, but when I do, I am appalled by what some parents think is lunch for a growing DC! (They are a minority but a significant one).

Pisces - Exactly some parents have no common sense, but by saying just 'no sweets' i dont see how this helps.

The parents with no common sense are the ones who put in a half eaten hamburger from McDonalds, a bottle of coke and a chocolate biscuit.

If they are going to treat us like idiots, at least treat us like proper idiots and lay down guidelines for the whole package,instead of a half hearted attempt

"Why would you want to give your child chocolate at school? "

Because chocolate is a food. It may be a high-sugar, high-carb, high-fat low-vitamin sort of food, but a food it is - nothing more, nothing less.

Nothing unreasonable/weird/wrong/whatever about giving a child chocolate in appropriate quantities at lunch, or tea, or any other time of the day, so long as they're eating plenty of other things as well and so long as you don't need to restrict their calories.

HOWever, "we" asked for healthy eating in schools, and we got it - so there isn't really any alternative to abiding by their rules, which I think are occasionally clumsy, or even just plain daft, but are clearly well-intentioned - since just looking around you can see that as a nation we're getting fatter and fatter.

Saw a lunchbox yesterday that was exquisite.
Little ham sandwiches cut into fancy shapes, hulled and halved strawberries, julienned carrots, green pepper and mange tout with home-made iced biscuit with her initial on it.
And a little note to say kisses from mummy.
The child is 8.

I like the idea of recommending what should be in a lunchbox, although I'd like hummus and cucumber instead of ham in mine.

I have my sons school agreement here. I'm tempted not to sign though I did with ds1

It says the school will blah bla blah blah nothing that covers lunches or could even bit fitted in to cover lunches

the family will make sure the child arrives on time. Bla blah homework
Attend parents consults blah blah

Nothing about lunches or could even cover lunches yet our lot arent even allowed cereal bars. I make my cereal bars so I know exactly whats in them so I would put money on them being healthier than the crappy puddings they serve ds1 as a school dinner

ok just spotted will support the school's management and behaviour policy but it isn't in the bit you sign.
I'm just not going to sign it I've decided. What can they do?

In fact I have what they are going to be given for school lunches here
wk1 mon- chocolate pudding with choc sauce. Packed lunch option choc cup cake
wed- apricot flapjack. PL- flapjack
thurs- fruit in jelly with summerwhip PL- same
wk2 wed- choc slice with icecream Pl- choc slice

etc

Bronze - You dont have to sign the home/school agreement, its not a legal document, nor legally binding.

BUT however whether you sign it or not, you still have to abide by the school rules.

Was out on lunch duty the other day and one of the TAs bought me out a massive piece of coffee cake and I asked her to leave it inside because I would have felt so guilty eating it in front of the children!! Don't know about other TAs/Teachers' staff rooms, but I'm afraid ours is always full of "naughty" things, like cakes/biscuits etc - next we'll have a policy for staff to sign......... P.S. No chance I'd sign..... By the way, DS has balanced lunchbox and there is no policy/rules on packed lunches there... the head teacher actually credits us parents with common sense!!

I think you do need some high calorie foods in a lunchbox.They have little time to eat and small stomachs yet need to get 550 calories or so in there (more if they've only had less than 500 cals for breakfast which I think would be most kids)
I think a small slice of cake or something is fine.It is no point providing a healthy packed lunch which isn't eaten.Then they get home starving and binge on crap!
Don't know why but I wouldn't put crisps or sweets in a packed lunch though.Maybe because I regards them more as treats than as a 'dish' IYKWIM
Recently had a rant at a teacher when DS went on a school trip and were supposed to have a victorian style lunch,DS doesn't drink water so I put 2 cartons of pure orange juice in ,which the bloody teacher took out because it wasn't Victorian enough.So he had no drink all day as no water was avialble at the place.
Another time when fruit-hating DS2 was doing 11+ ,daft teacher tried to tell me it was against rules to take chocolate for snack between papers (he did back down on that occasion though!)
Some of them are just bloody jobsworths.Its a parents business what they feed the child.

I don't want my kids eating sweets or chocolate at school (they do of course eat things like this in moderation) - and I would be seriously peeved if they came home to me lobbying for a daily dose of sweets and chocolate because some other kids have them in their lunchbox. I am delighted that my dc's school operate and enforce healthy eating guidelines. You should be too

IT's great that schools want to enforce healthful eating. I'm kind of anal about what DS eats BUT...not sure I like that idea of telling parents what they can feed their children. I work at the elementary school and I've seen some TERRIBLE lunches (one girl brought a PB sandwich, huge bottle of juice, bag of Dorritos and some horrid "fruit" snacks every single day. She was quite overweight.) I think it's fine if the school sends home a letter saying "we recommend" but if parents don't choose to follow it that's sort of their perogative isn't it?

School lunches, at least the ones here, need a massive overhaul before they get up on their high horses about packed lunches IMO.

I agree that MsHighHorse - sorry, HighWater - may have a shock when it comes to her child going to school! Banned items such as sweets etc will be sent home and the child won't be allowed to eat them. When your child goes to school they do have to conform to the major rules and regs. You simply can't pick and choose, much as you'd like to. It's not possible to run a school on those grounds.

It's also a great discourtesy to the teacher to give sweets at lunch so that your child is so wired that they can't concentrate!

The clincher will probably actually be the child themselves, who will want not to be in trouble or singled out and will want to please their teachers etc - my ds for instance gave me very strict instructions re what he wanted in his box!

Just wanted to say that not all children get 'wired' when they eat sweets, at lunch or any other time.

Interesting that I would be in the wrong to make an issue of it and "embarrass" my dd over a point of principle but the school would be OK to do the same simply in order to enforce a rule that, imo, treads on my "domain" as her parent.

As a matter of fact, I've asked a few parents I know whose kids are already at school and none of them are aware of any rules like this about packed lunches.in any of the schools in this area. Perhaps I'm not in for such a big shock after all. (and perhaps I have another reason to be glad I live where I do).