to feel bitter towards my ex

[5uper5tar]

My ex has been off work now for 4 months with depression and stress, yet despite his depression and stress it would appear that he is perfectly able to party every other night and get pissed with his mates and girlfriend. If it didnt affect me I wouldnt care but the fact that hes not been working all this time means I have been receiving no maintenance money for the children, the knock on effect being that I am having to work extra hours to compensate. I cant afford to buy blue wickeds every night (neither would I want to I hasten to add) so why/how should he. I know so many people will disagree with me and I do know depression and stress can be devestating but surely if he really were he wouldnt feel up for partying all the time...and if he is he really shouldnt be flaunting it in my face! I feel very bitter about it and want to say something but dont know whether im being unreasonable. Am I?

YANBU, even if he's on benefits he could contribute something to the dc. Does he see them often?

He sees them about once a month.
It sort of makes me laugh because he travels all over the country visiting his mates but can only make his way to see his own children half an hour down the road once a month. He even had the gall to demand that I should pay the petrol once!

People with depression don't usually go out every night. They mainly want to stay in, on their own and not speak to anyone.

If he is off with depression and stress does he get sick pay?

How infuriating

People who are ill often take everything as others getting at them and are notoriously selfish.

I'm sorry I can't offer any real advice, but have a close relative who is mentally ill, he doesn't take responsibility for cleaning his flat or doing stuff for himself.

I don't have any real advice on how to tackle your ex about maintenance, it won't work if you have an argument with him, he can only think about himself. Could you just bring it up and ask him what he can afford, even if it's a small amount?

how do you know so much about what he does in his personal life? It sounds a bit odd that he's partying all the time if he's not earning anything - are you sure?

I dont know if hes not earning, i assume hes not because the maintenance payments have stopped and that wouldnt be up to him, it is the csa that deal with it. i know hes doing this stuff because he advertises it on trusty facebook. When Ive seen him he certainly does not look depressed, my honest feeling is that he is a lazy arse...but maybe about that bit iabu! i have a strong work ethic myself and not a lot of time for men that dont look after their children.

The thing is, very often, depression and alcoholism are linked. Would you say your ex was a heavy drinker? I'd be pissed off too so YANBU - I just wondered whether there could be a connection between the drinking and the depression.

Im going to stp being nice now, hes not an alcoholic, im fairly sure of that. Quite frankly I think hes being a lazy arsehole to get out of paying maintenance for any of his children (he has 2 other children with his ex wife) I think the depression/stress thing is a facade. It beggars belief really because his girlfriend that has just moved in with him has 3 children as well...he dotes on them and Im pretty sure he will be providing for them right now (despite having only known them all for about 3 months) It just makes me feel sick really that he can get away with it and if I say anything I get told to leave him alone because I dont 'understand ' depression. I do understand depression, I had it when I lived with him but I never failed my children because as a mother, you cant can you. Sorry, am blatantly seeking some sympathy here! Bad week! x