AIBU to want to go back to work part time ,study 1 evening but feel guilty for putting my career first so my children will benefit later after I was so strongly against this

[godblessmothernature]

AIBU I have decided to go back to work part time used to work evenings 4 times a week from 6pm to 12.00pm in retail, I was threatened, abused treated like rubbish but I did it so I could provide for my children however was not fullfield.
My son starts school 7th aug he is just 4 tommorow,first child leaving to go to big school I have a 18 month old as well.
I have decided to go back to office work and leave my daughter with a CM who Im having problems trying to find anyone I have a good gut feeling for , this was something I was so against as I never thought I could leave my children with anyone else I didn't with my son, however to progress and build a better future for us all,I know I have to do this so am AIBU for feeling jealous that I have to leave them when I said I never would.and want to be with them but cant becuase like everyone else we need to work for finacial reasons.

You are doing it FOR your children. I study full time and I do feel guilty when we walk in at 7 oclock when other children go home with their mums at 330. But it's for future security. Well worth it IMO.

YANBU
It is hard, but it may be better for all of you. I work part time and I wouldn't have it any other way. My dd gets me for 4 days a week, and I get 3 days of being me rather than mum. I also honestly feel that it is the responsiblity of parents rather than dads to provide for children and working can provide children with a positive role model and I know that when my mum went to work I started seeing her as a person rather than mum.

My first day back I wanted to run away and pick dd up from nursery and smell her hair but she loves nursery and I love work. It really can work really well. Finding good childcare is the key I think.

YANBU

You just sound a bit guilty about leaving your kids.

I always wanted to be a SAHM until my ds started school. He's now coming 2 and today I have enrolled for f/t college with the plan to start uni after it.

It's going to be a hard slog and it will break my heart the first day I leave him at nursery in 2 weeks as he's never been away from mum. Yet I'm really excited at the prospect of doing something for me again and know I'm doing it to build a career for myself and a better future for my family.

I don't know why you feel jealous (of who?) but I think your children need you to be happy for them to be. A crap job that makes you miserable and saps your self-esteem is not doing them any favours.

Also my 2 year old DS gets really really bored if he's home alone with me for more than a couple of days - he absolutely thrives on the interraction he has with his peers at his CM.

Agree with Wondertuff - I was really proud of my mum when she first did her degree, then started working. Yes your children love to have you at home but it is a very positive thing that they see you out in society using your abilities, etc. It's important they see this as it is what they will model themselves on in future I would say.

Of course you have that 'pull' to be with them but you have been, your youngest will be two before you know it so you have given them both ALOT of your time and a really good, solid, secure start in life. And you're only going to work part time, personally I would say that is the best of both worlds for you and the kids....

don't agonise about it, you are doing a good thing not a bad thing! Agree that feeling comfortable and happy with your childcare is so important - if you can get that sorted, I am sure you will feel calmer about it all.

Good luck

Thank you so much I must admit I said I wouldn't be one of the mums to cry when I leave my son at school for the first time,but I will and its his bday tommorow.
For four years my children have been my world now its time for me to be more than mum and make our lives more secure, anyone know where to start to find a suitable CM please.xx