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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for wanting to have a night out with my 24 yo dd?

22 replies

kaylasmum · 21/08/2009 17:22

my 24 yo dd and i decided we'd like a night out tonight. I very rarely go out, maybe twice a year. The problem is my 5 yo hates me being away from her and makes an awful fuss about it. Now i'm in two minds as to whether i should go out or not and i feel guilty about going out and i'm dreading telling her as i know she'll be upset. What do you think should a go out or call it off?

OP posts:
JodieO · 21/08/2009 17:23

Go out.

deaddei · 21/08/2009 17:23

Go out tonight and tomorrow.

frakkinpannikinAGRIPPA · 21/08/2009 17:25

Go out. Your 24 DD will be disappointed if you don't.

Lakota · 21/08/2009 17:25

There are lots of things children don't want their parents to do - wash their faces for example. It doesn't mean they get to decide!

Go out and have a lovely time, don't feel guilty - especially as it's not every week!

LadyMuck · 21/08/2009 17:26

I think that you need to go out more often so that your younger dd gets used to it.

Thunderduck · 21/08/2009 17:26

Go.You can't let a 5 year old dictate your social life.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 21/08/2009 17:27

You must go.

nappyaddict · 21/08/2009 17:29

You have to go. Just because your older DD doesn't kick up a fuss and scream and shout it doesn't mean she won't be sad if you don't go.

TheLadyEvenstar · 21/08/2009 17:29

Please don't let your DD dictate your life...I used to and 6 yrs on am still paying the price.

gemgem83 · 21/08/2009 17:30

go out and enjoy yourself. she will be fine. if you go out more often she might get use to it.

2rebecca · 21/08/2009 17:31

Your 5 year old sounds as though she needs to get used to you going out a bit. Letting your kids tell you what you can and can't do is a bad move.

Original poster
kaylasmum · 21/08/2009 17:32

thanks for your prompt replies, i kinda expected these response. I know i should stand up to her but just feel guilty. I suffer from anxiety and depression so usually try to opt for the easy way out and don't like confrontation. I try to be the best mum that i can but always doubt myself, this is the problem.

OP posts:
MIAonline · 21/08/2009 17:39

If it helps, think of it as helping her to build up security and trust. She will learn that whenever you go away, you will always come back. It s an important lesson for her to learn, and in time, she will understand. The later you leave it the harder it is going to be.

At 5 she will have a good understanding of time and knows how long you will be gone for. It s important for both of you that you do go out.

Enjoy it!

piscesmoon · 21/08/2009 17:39

I think that 5 or 6 yrs is the time that they don't like you going out and leaving them in the evening. I told my DS at that age that we did lots of nice things in the day with his friends and it was only fair that I got to do somethings in the evenings with my friends. You then just keep calm and repeat it when necessary and go. As long as you have arranged a sitter that DD is comfortable with, I think it is much better for DD to get used to it and not let her call all the shots.

Original poster
kaylasmum · 21/08/2009 18:00

you are all right! i'm just trying to pluck up the courage to tell her, how pathetic does that sound!

OP posts:
slowreadingprogress · 21/08/2009 18:14

I think you have to be very definite and decisive when you do tell her. It's happening, end of story. Don't be apologetic about it, it's a good thing that she learns that adults have a life outside of being with children and that she can't control you...well worth establishing that now imo as she does sound a little too in control at the mo.

pjmama · 21/08/2009 18:17

If you really can't face the hassle, I'd wait til she's asleep and then sly off!

Seriously though, you're not unreasonable to expect a bit of time with your other child and your youngest needs to learn to accept that. Don't let her tantrums control you, that way lies badness...!

piscesmoon · 21/08/2009 18:20

I agree with slowreadingprogress. I would pick a date next week, so that it isn't sprung on her.Write it on the calendar. Tell her that she has plenty of your time, it is older sisters time and when she is grown up she can join you. After that refuse to discuss it, just keep calm if it is mentioned and tell her that it is on the calendar and that is what you are doing. Stick to it and do it. Get into a habit of it and she will get used to it.

piscesmoon · 21/08/2009 18:22

Sorry-I see it is tonight so my advice is no use! Try it next time. In that case just tell her you are going and go.

MIAonline · 22/08/2009 09:23

Did you go Kaylasmum?

Hope you did and had a good night.

piscesmoon · 22/08/2009 10:50

I hope you got out and had a nice time.

Original poster
kaylasmum · 24/08/2009 13:17

hi just to let you know i did go out and had a really lovely time, so much so that we are going to make it a regular thing. When i told my little girl she did'nt make too much fuss after all. And we had a nice girls night in on Saturday which she was really excited about. So thanks to everyone for the advice.

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