To be livid at dh's approach to early waking? (sorry, bit long)

[ijustwant8hours]

DS (2.8) woke up at about 3:30 this am and DH went to deal with him (brownie points there). Usually he is fairly quick to settle or DH brings him in with me but today it sounds like he was wide awake.

I was feeding dd so I didn't go to help. Anyway, I hear noises of going downstairs and then what I think is DH coming upstairs to fetch something and then going back down again. I think that I will settle dd and then go and relieve dh but after 10 mins or so its clear that she's not going to settle so we both get up. This co-incides with almighty yelling from downstairs. Turns out DH has just put the telly on and a drink and some biscuits out and then gone back to bed in the spare room in the loft leaving DS on his own.

I am a bit mad about this.... so aibu?

I wouldn't necessarily be angry but I would be and would hope for it not to be repeated. Sounds very like something my DP would do, and would defend himself vigorously for being kind and thoughtful and sorting the toddler out! I have done strange things at 3.30 in a haze thinking they were sensible at the time!

No. You are definitely not BU. If it was 6am and your DS was 5 years old, then it would be different. But exactly what did he think your DS would do? Watch an episode of Peppa Pig, have a drink and a biscuit then toddle back off to bed??!!

Or did he just assume that you'd sort the problem out after you'd tended to DD?

I don't know what he was thinking. I had a bit of a go (ffs he's 2! kind of thing) and he said something about it being the middle of the night and he has to learn - which seems even more worrying.... I think he was in a bit of a state about getting up that early.

The thing is if he'd just popped his head round our bedroom door I would have said that I would be down in a few minutes. Also I have always taken the early waking sessions, he must have known I'd be down shortly.

The thing is, what has he learned? that if he yells at 3.30am he will get telly and a drink?? that's really not the kind of lesson I hoped my ds would learn!

The sheer misery of early waking is one of the numerous reasons I only have one child so I do sympathise with your dh. Also, it's one mistake - be a bit kind, while not saying it's all ok. He'll feel a right fool when if it happens again.

What on earth was he thinking of! Bizarre behaviour.

YANBU.

YANBU . It's the wrong thing to do for two reasons.

Your ds needs to learn that night time is for sleeping. It's boring, mummy and daddy are boring. If you wake up in the night, nothing happens except you go back to sleep. Cuddles, a drink of water, even getting into bed with you - all fine. But if you start him thinking he can get up and watch tv and eat biscuits, you'll regret it pretty quickly. (I speak from bitter experience, trust me).

But there's a safety issue too - a 2.8 year old shouldn't be left unsupervised like that at any time, particularly not if he's eating and drinking. He could have choked. My 2 year old would wreak havoc if left alone like that.

I know men (sometimes) see things differently - it's the sort of thing dh might do. Actually, that's a bit unfair, but I can see he might not react as strongly to the suggestion as I do. We've had similar issues before where he's done something and I've been gobsmacked. My usual approach is to state very calmly why I think the consequences might not be good, then propose a new plan if it happens again. So, in this instance "he'll expect that to happen every time, and it's not safe. Maybe next time one of us should go in and lies next to him until he falls asleep".

[As an aside, my 2 year old does this sometimes - ping, wide awake at 2am. And can take up to 3 hours to go back to sleep. Very frustrating. We usually plonk him in bed between us and do our best to ignore him while we try and sleep. He's muttering and tossing and turning but at least we know where he is!]

That's bonkers. 3.30am and he takes him downstairs to (effectively) have breakfast and watch telly? Does he want to have an awake 2yo at 3.30 every night? That's the sort of thing my DH might do actually if he ever woke up in the night- he's just not with it when he has just woken up.

People do odd things when they are woken up from the middle of a deep sleep.

Hopefully it will be a one off - both from your DH and your DS. No point in having an argument about it.

My DS1 was a really crappy sleeper and got up at 5am for years. Nearly broke me so you both have my sympathies.

Very strange. Do you think his brain just was not working at all at 3.30? Would forgive him if he goes 'oops, that was a bizarre thing to do' in retrospect, but all this 'he's got to learn' is bizarre - if your 2yo has learned anything, he's learned that Daddy supplies TV and biscuits in the middle of the night. NOT a good idea...

TBH I'm not all that bothered about the rod for your own back part of it (although clearly bothered a bit!). I have got up with him at 5am a few times. We live in a terrace with young kids on either side (plus we have dd) so sometimes I just can't have him making too much noise.

The safety thing is worrying though. The back door was unlocked, he could have been off down the garden! (Unlikely but possible). Also he could wander round the kitchen etc etc

YANBU, sounds like something I would do... maybe not the biscuits thing but def the milk, but I dont think very well at 3:30am and I also live in a flat. Also been a veeeerrry long time since DS wanted to be "up" in the middle of the night.

Have just told dh that he can't go out tonight as I have been up from 3:30 and DS is going to be a devil to get to bed as is currently napping.

I feel like a very bad and needy wife, which in turn makes me a bit angry

yanbu

yanbu

yanbu at all, although both dh and I have been guilty of this on the odd ocassion and have been so sleep deprived that it seems like the only solution!