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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I have created our little monster?

22 replies

bluejellybean · 17/08/2009 19:19

When DS was born 21 months ago I went mad for every club going. At 6 weeks we were at something every day. We never stayed home to play or watch TV, it was always singing, signing, swimming, gym, music, baby group, yoga, massage etc etc etc.
I now have an over confident, loud, VERY busy, easily bored, wanting entertainment on tap, ever so slightly annoyinh 21 month old!!

We were at a party last week clebrating the christening of their 4th baby. Number 3 is the same age as DS and we always used to brag how fab we were as parents as we did soooooooo much more than his parents did for him. And yet he is the most well behaved, quiet, calm child.

AIBU to think with our next baby on the way I should do a whole lot less??

OP posts:

curiositykilled · 17/08/2009 19:22

lol, sounds like pretty normal 21 month old behaviour to me! My DS has never behaved like a child, he had his first and only tantrum at 4 but dd is like everyone else's 2 year olds, just like your ds! lol

RhinestoneCowgirl · 17/08/2009 19:22

Their number 3 child has siblings to play with, your DS doesn't. I've noticed the difference already between my two - DS (oldest) is used to having my attention and so wants it all the time. DD (8 months) is just happy to be in the same room with us!

And I went to loads of things with DS too, as I was lonely a home with just a tiny baby for company.

curiositykilled · 17/08/2009 19:24

should clarify that DS is the eldest and dd the youngest

Original poster

bluejellybean · 17/08/2009 19:27

and is it normal to be totally knackard all the time!????

OP posts:

thatsnotmybelly · 17/08/2009 19:28

I think nature has a greater part to play than nurture.

Although there is certainly value in letting children learn to amuse themselves. My nephew has had entertainment on tap every day for all his life and at 9 years old is simply incapable of spending a quiet afternoon vegging about at home without whinging and whining and needing someone to play with him.

Portofino · 17/08/2009 19:39

I'm with thatsnotmybelly on the nature vs nurture thing. Though as I work FT and have done since dd was a baby, she has grown up with nursery, then kindergarten and is used to having full time entertainment laid on.

The upside is that she is very confident and happy to socialise with others easily. The downside is, when she's home everything is very interactive - she likes our input even if she is drawing a picture. What's you favourite colour, what's your favourite animal? etc.

Thankfully, there are girls her age next door, and she will do dress up/play with her dolls upstairs for a time. I am trying to encourage more of this as I think it is good for her to learn to entertain herself a bit.

piscesmoon · 17/08/2009 19:39

Not too late to change to benign neglect-you can't keep it all up with 2 DCs anyway. Sometimes he will have to hang around while you do things with DC2-unless you put DC1 first all the time.

chichichien · 17/08/2009 19:43

It's damn hard not to do lots with your first child because otherwise, whadd'y'a gonna do? Ignore him? Of course not.

You have to leave second and subsequent children to their own devices a lot more often, there's little option.

fledtoscotland · 17/08/2009 19:43

Your DS sounds like my DS1. At 23 months he is into everything, freaks at even having to wait for 2 seconds whilst i put the top on his beaker/turn on the TV/open the car door. He is interested in everything and inadvertently breaks many toys trying to understand them. He is 101miles an hour from 7am until 6.30pm when he suddenly finds his "off" switch and is asleep for 12.5hrs solid.

I dont think you have made a monster however I do agree with thatsnotmybelly that the is a skill in being able to entertain himself even for 5-10mins and the realisation that there isn't always entertainment on tap.

Bigpants1 · 17/08/2009 19:58

I think being pregnant you will be feeling more tired than usual. When no.2 comes along, you will have broken nights to contend with again,and maybe wont feel like being out and about all the time.
Pick maybe 2 or 3 things your ds likes to do, and only do them until after you have baby.
I think it is good for dc to entertain themselves for periods of time-it gives you a break, but also develops their imagination.My youngest, now plays pretend games with her figures-inc. all the voices.
I also think dc like and need time to themselves-to play with their toys and relax, rather than have a busy schedule and every minute planned for them.
Give yourself a break,relax, and enjoy what time is left with just you and ds.

Original poster

bluejellybean · 17/08/2009 20:00

Yes fledtoscotland thank god for the sleep! The off button is rather instant 6pm through to 6am then 10-1pm. But when he is awake is 100%. I am training him to play on his own and on the whole he is getting better, but somethings are so annoying! He wants to plug everything in, the hoover, hair dryer, everything has to be out of reach. I have tried stickers as rewards and he likes this but doesn't really get it yet.

I am totally panicing about having the second in 6 months.

OP posts:

Original poster

bluejellybean · 17/08/2009 20:03

Thanks Bigpants1 is was even wondering if toddler group would be possible with a new born too?

OP posts:

MummyDragon · 17/08/2009 20:11

Hi bluejellybean - he sounds like a normal toddler boy to me! And yes, it's normal to be knackered when pregnant and you already have a toddler - I was in the exact same position 3 years ago. Once the baby is born you'll probably find that DS becomes much lower-maintenance as he will be besotted with the baby ...

fledtoscotland · 17/08/2009 20:14

bluejellybean - you will cope. I only have 11months between my boys and before DS2 was born I was literally s**ting myself about how I would cope. IME your DS is too young to understand stickers - if he is anything like my DS1 the dog will end up wearing them

I would recommend a good playgroup where your baby can sleep in a pram and your DS can run some energy off. CBeebies is excellent for a couple of hours peace. The park and playing on the swings is another 2hrs out of the house.

Dont panic - it will only seem worse with pregnancy hormones.

icedgemsrock · 17/08/2009 20:15

We go to activities every day - but my ds (15months) is also left to play on his own alot.
The activities only tend to last between 1 and 2 hours so that still leaves time for him to play at home while i'm doing other things in the house.
Even if we have a morning and afternoon activity i'm still at home a couple of hours here and there.

Pinkjenny · 18/08/2009 14:04

Bluejellybean - Thank you for starting this thread, I have exactly the same problem. Dd is climbing the walls by 9.45am, she is so used to being out and about. I really envy friends who have 'PJ Days' or even 'Lazy Days' with their dc. I have dc2 coming in December, so am hoping that MummyDragon is right, and we won't need to have such action packed days.

My mum even commented this morning, "You really struggle being on your own with dd, don't you?" I am still v. upset about it. It's not that I struggle being on my own with her, it's not that at all. I'm biting my tongue at the moment.

Original poster

bluejellybean · 18/08/2009 19:48

Thanks for all the "sounds normal" comments, they always make me feel better!

pinkjenny I totally understand. I prefer not to be on my own with DS which sometimes worries me as it sounds terrible, but I just like to be around others, makes me feel a bit more secure I guess.

I think mums etc often forget just how hard toddlers of this age can be! We don't get a day off do we.

This morning DH left at 5am for work and I couldn't face having a shower that early. Off course with DH making a noise, DS woke up at 6am before I had a chance to get in the shower. So at 7, I put him and his toys in the bathroom dashed in. Within 2 mins he was climbing on the toilet flushing the chain, then fell off and had a lovely brusie. These are the sort of things I think AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH what the hell are you meant to do!???????????

OP posts:

mybabywakesupsinging · 18/08/2009 22:20

I know how you feel...ds1 has always been a live wire. ds2 has developed into one...now 27 months he is continually pushing switches, climbing, poking and generally you can't take your eyes off him for a second. ds1, meanwhile at the grand old age of 4 can amuse himself for hours with a pencil and paper...i think it is just part of being 2...can remember telling a particularly frisky ds1 to "stop behaving like a two year old" and then thinking, oh...With this is mind I have trained ds2 to announce "i am 2" from time to time, to remind me...
if you can, before dc2 arrives try and find something ds1 likes to so that keeps him stationary for a bit e.g. ds2 will do jigsaws for ages. I used to feed ds2 in a room where ds1 couldn't open the door. And if desparate to get something done for 2 minutes, I stick ds1 in his cot. It may be boring but it is safer than doing acrobatics on the toilet seat...

slowreadingprogress · 18/08/2009 23:03

I think it is alot to do with the nature of the child whether they are the hectic, into everything type or not so I don't think you've created it at all.

It's sad you don't like to be alone with him. Do you feel you get enough time to focus your attention on him? It's sad indeed if the activities are a way of avoiding that?

isittooearlyforgin · 19/08/2009 00:33

no way! what are you going to do with pfb? they cry..you comfort, they need entertaining ..you are their jester. You have nothing else but them on your mind, of course you are going to react to them instantly. Same for my pfb. I agree with poster who said nature over nuture. You did what you thought best at the time, don't feel bad

mj4ever · 19/08/2009 00:52

Monster??

at 21 months old??

she sounds normally to me.

gagamama · 19/08/2009 09:11

YABU. Sounds completely normal for 21 months! If anything, now is the age when they need the constant stimulation far more than when they're tiny babies, but it's as much for your own sanity than for their benefit in the early days.

CBeebies is your friend. Also, withholding and rotating available toys so they seem new and interesting seems to maintain their interest in them a little longer.

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