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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to find out the sex of my babies?

64 replies

bumblingalong · 14/08/2009 10:27

I probably am! I'm pregnant with twins & have my 20wk scan soon & everone keeps saying "ooh i can't wait to find out what you're having".
AIBU to tell them to bugger off & they can wait till they're born even if i do find out what sex they are? Really stuggling with my hormones & can't decide if its cos I'm hormonal or just being stubborn!

OP posts:
Scotia · 14/08/2009 10:30

Why would that be unreasonable? It's entirely up to you - not unreasonable either way surely. Just say you don't want to know until they are born, or if you don't want to say that, tell people they couldn't see at the scan.

Sheeta · 14/08/2009 10:31

lol, of course YANBU.

your twins, your decision

(although if I was having twins I'd want to know if I was having one of each, or two the same)

Scotia · 14/08/2009 10:31

Oh, and congratulations

mustsleep · 14/08/2009 10:31

No I know someone that only told their mum what she was having as her dh didn't want to know and she kept it a secret for the full term

Although I would HAVE to know myself

duchesse · 14/08/2009 10:32

Tell them they have another 20 weeks to wait. That should shut em up. We haven't found out the sex of any of our (nearly) 4 children. Each time I've had an idea, but it's so much more fun ime to wait and find out at the birth.

I will go on record now to say that I suspect that this one about to be born is a boy even though it seems to be the size of my daughters... I've just been telling poeple they will find out as soon as we do.

duchesse · 14/08/2009 10:32

Oh and very many congratulations on your pregnancy!

MamaLazarou · 14/08/2009 10:33

Ha ha, no, YANBU darling.

People probably just assume you are finding out the sex, as logistics of baby equipment for twins is more of an issue than for a single baby (especially if you're into the whole 'pink-for-girls-blue-for-boys' thing).

I've got my 20-week scan coming up, and we change our mind every other day about whether or not we're going to find out the sex!

If we do, we will pretend to everyone that we didn't anyway.

Original poster
bumblingalong · 14/08/2009 10:34

I actually do want to find out but dp cannot keep a secret & i've said i don't want to tell people but he wants a good reason why not cos we found out with dd & i was perfectly happy to tell people then. would it be unreasonable to find out & not tell dp??

OP posts:
DragonMamiCooksPotatoes · 14/08/2009 10:36

We didn't find out what we were having and even if we had found out we wouldn't have told anyone. I don't understand why other people feel the need to know before they're born anyway - it's not like there's anything that can be done to change the answer if they don't like it!

Do whatever you want & other people will just have to live with your decision. YANBU.

MoonIsATiredSlayer · 14/08/2009 10:37

Yes YABU because I am one of those nosey people and I want to know their sex and I don't even know you!

If you do find out it will be nigh on impossible not to let it slip at some point.

Deemented · 14/08/2009 10:38

Oh YA SOOOOOO NBU!!!!

I keep getting people telling me i have to find out what i'm having and it's really annoying me!

When i was pregnant with dd, i lost count of the ammount of conversations i had along these lines...

'Ohhh.. do you know what you're having?'

'Yes'

'Well.. what?'

'It's a...'

'What?'

'Baby...!'

And that was in my politer moments.

ben5 · 14/08/2009 10:38

your babies , your choice. i didn't know with either of mine and really glad i didn't know. i also know people who found out at 20 week scan only to find out when the child is born that the scan was wrong!!

duchesse · 14/08/2009 10:39

I sometimes tell people that I'm hoping for a puppy or a foal this time.

Original poster
bumblingalong · 14/08/2009 10:40

Thank you! as i said i'm an hormonal mess this time round so i'm struggling to decide if how i feel is how i would normally feel if that makes sense? & i'm getting very defensive about my decisions & feel like i'm being judged on my parenting skils before they're even born!

OP posts:
MamaLazarou · 14/08/2009 10:42

Ha ha, duchesse! I usually say, 'Well DH wants a baby monkey, but I'd be happier with a kitten'.

JRocks · 14/08/2009 10:42

YANBU - I haven't found out with either of my pregnancies and have found that everyone asks if I know, whether it's friends, or absolute strangers And then I get the 'oh you must be hoping for a girl?' bollocks too (we have one DS already). What is it with being pregnant that makes you the subject of anybody's opinions?

MitchyInge · 14/08/2009 10:43

It's one of life's few true surprises, YANBU!

MitchyInge · 14/08/2009 10:43

It's one of life's few true surprises, YANBU!

MitchyInge · 14/08/2009 10:44

It's one of life's few true surprises, YANBU!

MitchyInge · 14/08/2009 10:45

Sorry

OnlyWantsOne · 14/08/2009 10:51

I found out with my DD - but I think, next time round, I would like a surprise. YANBU

You could always find out on the sly...

My friend wanted to know, but her DH (very anal retentive just for the record ) really did NOT want to know...

She rang them before the appt to tell them that she wanted to know if they could tell her and not her partner.

Any way she found out she was having - and never told her DH

slug · 14/08/2009 10:57

It's like opening your present before Christmas. YANBU

Stigaloid · 14/08/2009 10:58

I prefer finding out (we are having a girl this time round and had a boy first). I am currently drooling over pretty curtain fabrics and looking at dresses at Baby Monsoon and getting very excited. Can't narrow down names.

YANBU to not want to find out or tell - it is your life.

screamingabdab · 14/08/2009 10:59

bumblingalong You will find people on MN who felt judged for finding out the sex of their baby, so it works the other way too.

Try not to take it to heart. Some people are maybe being tactless, and intrusive, others are just over-excited

YANBU, by the way. If you want it to be a surprise, then that's lovely.

I found out the sex of both mine, but then I am a Control Freak

Longtalljosie · 14/08/2009 11:15

I found out the sex of mine, and so have been (oddly) repeatedly accused of being the kind of person who opens their Christmas presents early.

I am not. I am just someone who wanted to find out the sex of their baby!