to refuse to find out the sex of my babies?

[bumblingalong]

I probably am! I'm pregnant with twins & have my 20wk scan soon & everone keeps saying "ooh i can't wait to find out what you're having".
AIBU to tell them to bugger off & they can wait till they're born even if i do find out what sex they are? Really stuggling with my hormones & can't decide if its cos I'm hormonal or just being stubborn!

Oh I don't know maybe I don't get much excitement in my life I just found the whole NOT KNOWING quite a thrill and words can't describe the joy of finding out what flavour of being I had been speaking to for all those months. You can never really KNOW your child until you actually have them there in your arms (and even then it's only the beginning of the process) so I don't understand what you are gaining by knowing whether they are a boy or girl or even naming them in advance.

And surely no one who chooses to do that would disagree that there is an element of control there surely? What you are saying is that you want to know in advance in order to get your head round it, come to terms with it, start thinking of how your life will progress with the particular sex you are carrying, how they will fit in the family etc. That's got to entail some attempt at control even if it is to an emotional rather than practical end.

But I know that if you feel that way inclined you are going to disagree strongly with my opinion

I don't think the OP should tell people who probably are excited for her to "bugger off" though, if they ask her the sex! I think people assume that because the information IS available that MOST find out. No idea what the stats are on this, the senior mw at my hospital said the majority know beforehand on her ward, but whether that's reflected nationally, I don't know.

'And surely no one who chooses to do that would disagree that there is an element of control there surely? '

Eh? We just wanted to know.

Some people have a lot of anxiety around pregnancy and childbirth.

I had A LOT of mental health issues, AND, history of PND.

For me, finding out the sex was good for my well-being.

I understand if others don't feel the same.

But I think it's unfair to be so judgemental or make generalised assumption of people who do wish to find out the sex of their baby before it's born.

we genuinely didn't find out beforehand with either of our two, but some people were convinced we knew & wouldn't tell them, drove me mad

Your babies, your choice, YANBU

It is up to you if you find out, and again up to you if you tell anyone.

Congratulations

yanbu - I liked day dreaming about what our baby was going to be. I thought I would want to know but my partner definitely didn't and actually I enjoyed the suspense. Also the midwife said after I had given birth - to a lovely boy - that they love it when people don't know so they can see the look on peoples' faces. It's not like you can change it after all, if you don't get what you want!!

Well said expat.

No control here either........I was going to be alone with three tiny children and moving house twice at the same time, I wanted to know what colours of stuff I should buy because I knew I might not get into a shop for the next 3 years And I wanted pink and blue outfits to short cut the questions (of which you get millions the moment you step foot in a shopping centre when you have 2 milliseconds between feeds in which to shop).

It was also very, very good for my DD1 who made friends with her new brother and sister before they arrived. She would kiss my tummy at bedtime and say "goodnight baby boy, goodnight baby girl, see you in the Summertime". She was outnumbered when they arrived and it really helped her feel connected with them before they arrived and changed her life. She loved her siblings in advance, great move for us.

No control issues. Plenty survival issues.

But as I said......there is no right and no wrong. Its very personal and driven purely by individual needs.

And I didn't find out when I had my first child, I just didn't care then. It was purely circumstance that drove it and I have never regretted it. It was still a hugely exciting night when my DTs arrived. I had a traumatic birth with my DD1 and it took me a while to accept she was mine. With the DTs, I was simply waiting to hold them and welcome them, it was gorgeous!

I'd love a kitchen extension

I found out this time and I did last time. That's my choice. If someone else decides they don't want to find out, that's their choice. Its one of those decisions that doesn't have a right or wrong. Do whatever you like.

YANBU at all.

I HAD to know what I was having both times. Helped me to bond with both 100% they both had names before they were born too.

I can't understand how people can not want to know

Its just personal choice

YANBU. If you don't want to find out, that's your decision and stuff everyone else

However, I don't understand people who find out but then insist that it's a massive secret to be kept from everyone else. Why??? If you know, share the happiness with friends/family.

I don't know this time and am getting frustrated talking about "he or she", "brother or sister" - it's awkward!

Yup, - as I said, I was joking about being a Control Freak. I just wanted to know, and it helped make it more "real". Certainly not less exciting to know the sex