Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that you should at least hoover before having a kids party?

110 replies

allaboutme · 13/08/2009 16:47

I'm probably being a middle class snob, but have just taken DCs to a birthday party at a boy from school's house.

The cream carpet was black with dogs hairs. There was dog hair in the party food.
There was a washing bin overflowing with dirty underwear all on the floor in the bathroom.
At one point my DS dropped his dummy and it was so dirty when I picked it up, I stuck it straight in my bag!

On top of that there were only fizzy drinks on offer - i had to ask for something non fizzy

and the house stank of smoke. Birthday boys Mum nipped out for a fag a couple of times during the 2 hour party.

AIBU to think they could have at least hoovered or tidied a little bit before inviting 15 kids and their parents round???

OP posts:
MANATEEequineOHARA · 14/08/2009 08:39

My house is a tip right now more than ever (in my defense my dc's Dad, my ex H has just died, and I have tons of uni work on, life gets in the way of cleaning).
If I was having a party I would tidy, but I felt at the last kids party I did some people may not think my standards are too high.
One thing I would really object to is the smoking. Dog hairs are not nice in food, but if you have a dog that is molting it may just be really hard to do any different.

foxinsocks · 14/08/2009 08:42

what I was trying to say (in my longwinded way!) was that it is not something I've ever judged people by because it's not something I've been brought up thinking was that important

I actually think it's a bit sad to judge people on the cleanliness/tidiness of their house but that's just my opinion.

I do agree with Anna about common courtesy and I do make an effort for my more clean and tidy friends

sarah293 · 14/08/2009 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

janegrey · 14/08/2009 09:41

My aunt has a spotless house Riven - you never see a coat on a chair, no dust - and she had three children in close succession whom she trained to be clean and tidy.

But (and now I'm being a middle-class snob myself) none of my three cousins achieved very much educationally. Imho they'd have been better off doing something more creative/educational than cleaning and tidying all the time.

My childhood house was quite clean, but my gran used to come most days and clean and iron.

If you don't have that sort of help, or a cleaner, then it's certainly a good idea to try to get the dc used to helping out from an early age - at least putting toys away, clothes in the washing basket etc. We didn't and it's much harder to persuade them now they're teenagers!

Back to the OP - not unreasonable to not want dog hairs in the food - yuk.

But, now we have a dog ourselves, I know how hard it is to keep carpets hair-free - we only have one large rug downstairs and the dog isn't allowed upstairs, but she takes great delight in rubbing her back on the rug. In fact I've just put her out in the garden for doing just that.

charis · 14/08/2009 09:49

The hair thing is one of the reasons we don't have a dog. I grew up with four dalmations and you couldn't wear black without looking like you had been in a blizzard. If you don't have pets other peoples are disgustingly unhygenic.

I would probably not hoover before a childrens party as I know I would be hoovering afterwards. And I would be tempted to get fruit shoots all round instead of fizzy drinks to prevent spillage.

HerBeatitude · 14/08/2009 10:12

Nothing wrong with fizzy drinks at a kid's party.

Only fizzy drinks, though, with no other choices - come off it, it's not snobby to find that crap. My DD would be in her element, my DS would be thirsty.

BonsoirAnna · 14/08/2009 10:49

janegrey - your post reminded me of a story the mother of a classmate of my DD told me at the end of the summer term: she has just fired her children's nanny because her DD was getting very withdrawn and unhappy, and had difficulty joining in any activities at school. When the mother started looking more closely at the nanny, she realised that the nanny refused to let her DD make any mess at all - to the extent that she only let her play with one toy at a time.

I agree that an obsession with housework and tidiness can be a real impediment to learning and experience (which is often a messy business!).

screamingabdab · 14/08/2009 11:12

I agree with HerBeatitude

Oblomov · 14/08/2009 12:22

I think OP is being very reasonable.
I have stopped explaining to people who pop round. I say, " I would excuse the mess, but the fact is that this really is how we live". Saying that I mean a few toys here and there and a few cups in the washing up bowl. Not UNHYgenic, as Op describes.
Plus the woman CHOSE to have a party at her own home.
YES. A hoover would not have gone amiss. And op is not unreasonable to expect so.
All you posters who disagree. are .... just unhygenic slobs.

Oblomov · 14/08/2009 12:24

Agree. Big difference between 'untidy' and 'unhygenic. How can other posters not se this ?

QuintessentialShadows · 14/08/2009 12:29

What is worse? Being a snob or a slob?

madusa · 14/08/2009 12:46

I have pets (one dog and 5 cats) and as a result, I hoover everyday.

I can't stand pet hair every where ..... bleugh

If we are having guests, I make sure the kitchen and the bathrooms are all clean and tidy. The children tidy their own rooms so may be untidy but they will be clean.

Hair in the food is just disgusting.

Reallytired · 14/08/2009 12:56

allaboutme

Don't you feel any shame that your child is old enough to go to party BUT still has a dummy. Having a dummy is a throughly filty habit. By nursery age a dummy should only be used at night, and having a school aged child with a dummy is vile.

Now I have judged you, how do you feel?

Prehaps you need to worry less about other people's houses and MORE about your own parenting.

Maybe you need to ask yourself, "Did your child enjoy themselves?" I agree that knickers in the bathroom and dog hair are a bit revolting, but it isn't the end of the world.

AramintaCane · 14/08/2009 13:07

YABU none of your buisiness really don't go back if you don't like it.

LuvLee · 14/08/2009 13:10

I'm with the OP on this one. YANBU to expect a house to be clean and tidy if you are going to invite people round to a birthday party. A house that is messy and cluttered is one thing, one that is downright filthy is another.

AramintaCane · 14/08/2009 13:11
  • Having to ask for something other than a fizzy drink gasp oh the horror just ask and get on with it.
slayerette · 14/08/2009 13:54

Am laughing to myself at the idea that it is in some way snobbish and middle class to have basic standards of hygiene. Does that mean those who consider themselves working class all live quite happily in squalor?? Because I think more than a few people might object to that judgement!

I couldn't give a tiny rat's arse whether or not people thought I was a snob or middle-class (love how that is more often than not a pejorative term) - if I am having invited guests around then I will hoover and tidy up. And would consider it basic good manners to be able to offer an alternative to fizzy drinks at a child's party - my DS would go very thirsty if that was all that was on offer, and oddly not because of his snobbish tendencies but because he doesn't like them!

Original poster
allaboutme · 14/08/2009 14:01

Really tired - DS1 was invited to party but dummy belongs to my baby DS who was also there with us, so nice try at judging but I sideswiped it

OP posts:
slayerette · 14/08/2009 14:07

Reallytired - did your child(ren) never go to parties before they were school age? My DS went to his first party when he was one. And not only did allaboutme say that the party was for three year olds, not school-age children, why do you assume that the child with the dummy was the invited one and not a younger sibling?

slayerette · 14/08/2009 14:08

Sorry allaboutme - didn't refresh page before posting so x-posted with you!

Reallytired · 14/08/2009 15:02

" why do you assume that the child with the dummy was the invited one and not a younger sibling? "

No one likes being judged. Prehaps allaboutme is judging without knowing the facts as well. I was being diliberately judgy to make a point. I know lots of people in real life who disagree with dummies.

Its one of those mumsnet situations where everyone slates this poor family who we have never met and know nothing about.

kitbit · 14/08/2009 15:17

It's not about snobbery it's about hygiene. And yes, it's OK if there's washing in bin etc of course, however I was always taught that if you invited people to your house you make an effort to at least basically clean it (depending on your usual standards I suppose) as it shows you've made an effort and think your guests worth showing effort for. Sorry, but I still think that's true. Nothing to do with snobbery.

And as for the hygienne - if there's dog hairs in the food and a filthy floor, you really REALLY think that's OK??????? At least basic cleanliness surely if you're inviting children over??

kitbit · 14/08/2009 15:20

(and I know it's going to get trashed anyway but at least start out with the biggest grime scraped off?) eugh

OrmIrian · 14/08/2009 15:23

I was brought up to be polite and considerate to others. And whilst that would mean making sure my house was in a reasonable state when we had visitors, it even more importantly meant not making nasty judgements about the state of other people's houses when I visit them.

You are there for a few hours at most. If you can't stand a little mess and dirt for that amount of time I feel a bit sorry for you.

For some people their homes are for their comfort and convenience, not to make an impression on others.

thedollshouse · 14/08/2009 15:27

Everyone has different standards. They most likely thought it was clean.

Swipe left for the next trending thread