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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that you should at least hoover before having a kids party?

110 replies

allaboutme · 13/08/2009 16:47

I'm probably being a middle class snob, but have just taken DCs to a birthday party at a boy from school's house.

The cream carpet was black with dogs hairs. There was dog hair in the party food.
There was a washing bin overflowing with dirty underwear all on the floor in the bathroom.
At one point my DS dropped his dummy and it was so dirty when I picked it up, I stuck it straight in my bag!

On top of that there were only fizzy drinks on offer - i had to ask for something non fizzy

and the house stank of smoke. Birthday boys Mum nipped out for a fag a couple of times during the 2 hour party.

AIBU to think they could have at least hoovered or tidied a little bit before inviting 15 kids and their parents round???

OP posts:
Thingiebob · 13/08/2009 18:34

I think calling the OP a snob is a bit OTT.
I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a house to be cleaned and tidied before a child's birthday party. As for whether there is an overflowing laundry basket and dog hairs at any other time, then that is entirely the choice of the homeowner and it's rude to comment - but this is a party!

You'll always encounter a laundry basket and the carpet won't always be hoovered if you dropped into my house. However, if I invited you or a bunch of kids over then I would move the basket out of view and make sure for hygiene's sake that the carpet was clean enough for kids to sit on and you wouldn't need to worry about hairy food.

As for the mum smoking - that's what smokers do and this is where the OP is perhaps being a bit precious. It's one of those things you tolerate when you are at someone elses home and the mum did go outside to do it.

sarah293 · 13/08/2009 18:36

This reply has been deleted

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Sn0wflake · 13/08/2009 19:03

If you have a pet you really do have to hoover more. The hair gets EVERYWHERE if you don't keep on top of it.

Can't say I have ever hoovered twice a day though....twice to three times a week if your lucky (don't have a pet).

Hulababy · 13/08/2009 19:08

YANBU to think it

YABU if you say anything; polite not too

muggglewump · 13/08/2009 19:11

YANBU.
It takes 10 minutes to hoover and shove the dirty washing in a cupboard.

I'm a proper slattern, but I manage a hoover round before anyone comes, and just shove things in cupboards/under couches.

Dog hair in food is gross.

muggglewump · 13/08/2009 19:15

Thought the fizzy drinks thing is snobby.
What's wrong with kids having some lemonade at a party?

Satsuma1 · 13/08/2009 19:16

YANBU.

My house it a pit from hell most of the time, but I would NEVER have 1 visitor, let alone a load of kids and their parents round without cleaning first.

However, I've really noticed how much hair etc pets leave since living pet free. I grew up with dogs in the house, but when I go home now I really notice the mess they leave.

muggglewump · 13/08/2009 19:18

though, not thought.
Also, my home probably smells a bit smoky. I smoke outside but some smell does seep in, and though I wouldn't have nipped out for a fag during the party, it would only be because I can't be doing with judgey judgers deciding I'm the spawn of satan because I smoke.

So, your title is not U, what you go on to post is.

moffat · 13/08/2009 19:29

YANBU - hair in food makes me want to vomit.

slowreadingprogress · 13/08/2009 19:31

Hula has said what I would - yes, I'd think YUK about the hairs and the smoke but I wouldn't comment

but you didn't comment, anyway did you? So you're basically 'thinking aloud' on an anonymous message board so I think that counts as only 'thinking' it

So you're off the hook and behaved perfectly!

forehead · 13/08/2009 19:49

I agree with OP , i cannot stand dirt. I recently went to a graduation party. The house was a tip. It was a case of wipe your feet when you leave the house. I just think that if you INVITE people to a party ,you should at least clean the house. I don't care if the house is a mansion or a small flat. I have three young children so my house is not always pristine,,but if i invite someone to my house i would clean it. As for the dog hairs in the food , i feel sick just thinking about it.

Firawla · 13/08/2009 20:05

Yanbu and not snobby!
Its quite shocking if people don't care to invite people over for a party and keep the house like that, it's also quite rude as if to say that those children and families are not worth the effort of making the place atleast a bit presentable?

faeriemoo · 13/08/2009 20:08

I don't think you're being a snob. I'm really embarrassed if someone pops in unexpectedly and I haven't had a wee clean up. I'd never DREAM of inviting people round when the house was a shit tip.

LuluMaman · 13/08/2009 20:16

I never hoover before childrens' parties, total waste of time, as within minutes your work is undone

i would not leave dirty underwear on the floor, nor would i serve food covered in dog hair, and i have two dogs!

some things are plain dirty and unhygienic

there is a world of difference between untidy and messy and filthy and germ infested

the fizzy drinks, smoking.. meh..

OrmIrian · 13/08/2009 20:21

Knickers in the bathroom (isn't that a song title?) and dog hair in the food isn't nice but the rest I could deal with.

I think you might be a middle class snob

I personally feel comforted to find a house that is actually worse than mine.

NeedCoffee · 13/08/2009 20:40

nope, not unreasonable, but then I am a clean freak, and clean before parties and also wash all the bedding and clean upstairs even though its very unlikely anyone will go up there, let alone sniff my bedding! TBH, if I'd gone to a party like that, I probably would have tried to help clean up, without wanting to offend, probably just trying to help her out, after all kids parties create tons of mess

Woooozle100 · 13/08/2009 20:58

haha NeedCoffee - can you imagine picking up someones dirty smalls off the floor though? Oooh I just thought I'd lend a hand

I'd prolly think 'What a shithole' and then feel a tad relieved that perhaps I'm not the biggest housesloth going!

Whenever I'm foolish enough to ask people round, I do make an effort to shove stuff out of sight, run the vac round. Though most people who know me really would know it was all lies

Yurtgirl · 13/08/2009 21:04

Allaboutme - I think YANBU at all
My house isnt mega clean and tidy but not dirty either
I would be privately appalled if I arrived at a party and the house was as you describe and my aspergers ds would probably tactlessly comment - we wouldnt go to another party at their house (if invited either!) tbh

nancy75 · 13/08/2009 21:05

i must be a snob too, tbh if it was as bad as it sounds i would have made my excuses and left.
hair in food is vile, and as for not hoovering because it will only get dirty again??? why clean anything ever? why wash your clothes they only get dirty again when you wear them. hoovering takes 15 mins, its not exactly hard labour.

blueshoes · 13/08/2009 21:17

Sounds utterly disgusting. YANBU.

yorkyporky · 13/08/2009 21:41

Er why does not liking a dirty house = snob? Is that because lower class people live in filth and upper class people don't?

I have friends in spotless council houses and in filthy country piles and everything in between. Snobbery just doesn't come into it. I think the people shouting snob need to look at themselves and ask why they think that. There was nothing in the OP to tell if the family concerned were landed gentry or living off benefits!

BonsoirAnna · 13/08/2009 21:50

If you invite people to a party, it is basic courtesy to make your house inviting and a pleasant place for your guests - which includes cleaning it and clearing away your mess.

megapixels · 13/08/2009 23:23

YANBU at all.

sarah293 · 14/08/2009 08:26

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Message withdrawn

foxinsocks · 14/08/2009 08:37

I've thought a lot about this issue

I don't think people mean to offend. I know that when I was a lot younger, I had very little awareness of what other people thought of my living conditions. The people I associated with and my family, we all lived in the same conditions and those were the ones I was used to.

I, quite genuinely, didn't have posh friends who had cleaners and spotless houses. We were all much the same.

When I had dd, I joined the NCT and everyone else seemed a lot more posh than me and it was only then that I really started to have an awareness that other people were a lot tidier than we were (and had cleaners and spotless houses!).

We are still very untidy now but I do make an effort to make sure the loo is clean and the surfaces are hygienic. But other than that, I reckon mess is mess and I still don't notice other people's unclean or unmessy houses as I'm quite used to that.

I am FAR more likely to notice a spotless house and think how the fark did they manage that!