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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that playgroups/toddler groups shouldn't be churchy even if they are held in a church hall?

77 replies

ClaraDeLaNoche · 13/08/2009 12:44

Right time for sweeping statements. When I lived in the city, the playgroups I went to were in church halls but there was never any pressure to join the church, or talk about religion. It was just a place to drink coffee while the kids played. But out in the sticks, the local church owns all the mums groups and they talk about beliefs and stuff. The play group leaders also tell holy stories.

Am working at home today and I can hear them all yahooing in the church hall. I have no doubt that they are having great fun and the kids love it.

However I don't want my kids to go because I don't like having this stuff shoved down my throat.

AIBU to want to use their toys and tea but not their opinions? I would add that it is not my religion, but I do have respect for churches that do stuff for the community, especially as "my" church (I say "my" but I hardly ever go) does nothing for the community.

OP posts:

ruddynorah · 13/08/2009 12:47

so set one up through 'your' church.

they aren't ramming it down your throat, they're inviting you to join in.

here some of the church ones are very 'churchy' some are not. some are run by individulas just hiring the hall, others are run by, for example, the salvation army themselves.

do you have a children's centre? the groups there won't be 'churchy.'

GypsyMoth · 13/08/2009 12:52

does it really matter in the grand scheme of things??

i mean,really? its just toddler stuff....they won't be affected by it!!

Original poster

ClaraDeLaNoche · 13/08/2009 12:53

I couldn't set one up for fear that people thought that I was churchy and trying to convert them.

No children's centre here either.

OP posts:

Peabody · 13/08/2009 12:53

You are being unreasonable to want to use their toys and tea whilst complaining about their opinions.

You are not being unreasonable to want to go to a playgroup that has views you agree with.

muddleduck · 13/08/2009 12:54

Whoever runs the group gets to decide how it is run.

Morloth · 13/08/2009 12:54

YABU some baby/toddler groups at churches are run as part of the outreach programme for that church.

How do you know they do nothing for the community? Didn't Jesus instruct people to get on with good works quietly without yelling about it on street corners? And of course they are running baby/toddler groups.

If you don't like them, don't go - set up your own without religion if you like.

MorningTownRide · 13/08/2009 12:55

YABU - My ex-church ran a toddler group (Greater London).

There was a bible story and I think religious songs.

There was a waiting list to attend which we jumped as we attended the church.

If it's run by the church then expect some religion.

There's something about the tone of your post that is rather unpleasant. If you don't like it, don't go. Simple as.

Original poster

ClaraDeLaNoche · 13/08/2009 12:56

Morloth I meant that my church, ie not the one with the playgroup, does not do any community activity.

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 13/08/2009 12:57

yabu

have you a village hall or similar non-church affiliated space?

set up your own

Morloth · 13/08/2009 12:58

Sorry misread.

MrsBadger · 13/08/2009 12:59

oh well

certainly set one up at your own church

and publicise it as one with no agenda

AMumInScotland · 13/08/2009 12:59

If the church runs them, and is open about it being "churchy" then I think that's up to them to choose, and you can go or not depending how you feel about that.

But maybe you could find some other parents in the area who don't go to those groups and arrange something with them? But I don't know how you find those families, if they don't go anywhere you can hunt them down...

itsalwaysthequietones · 13/08/2009 12:59

I think if the church is running the playgroup they can do what the hell they like in it.

So yes, YABU to want to use their stuff but not respect the way they run the place.

As for not wanting people to thing you are 'churchy' is that really a big worry? They'd know the first time they came along wouldn't they? Or why not talk to some other non-churchy types and set something up together.

GibbonInARibbon · 13/08/2009 13:00

YABU

Put up/shut up or don't go. Simples.

cat64 · 13/08/2009 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WriggleJiggle · 13/08/2009 13:07

If they have set it up, they have a right to run it exactly as they wish.
If you wanted to you could hire out a church hall or village hall and run your own toddler / playgroup with any rules you liked. It could be 'The Purple Group' where everyone wears purple and sings the colours of the rainbow song.

If you don't like what is on offer, set up your own. There's probably other people locally who have similar thoughts.

TheProvincialLady · 13/08/2009 13:11

If you don't want to go to a churchy toddler group then don't, but don't moan about people who set one up or the people who attend it. If it was compulsory to attend then you would have grounds for complaint but otherwise YABU.

Original poster

ClaraDeLaNoche · 13/08/2009 13:11

All sensible advice. I especially like the idea of a Purple Group.

In the meantime I will drive back to the big smoke.

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 13/08/2009 13:18

or even just to the next place with a non-church village-hall group?

ask around, you may be surprised at what goes on

MrsMellowdrummer · 13/08/2009 13:20

I don't think you're at all unreasonable to feel the way you do CDLN, and I would feel the same. We live in a small rural community, but luckily for me our local playgroup is non church run. If we had one along the same lines as yours, like you I suspect I wouldn't attend.

Really good idea to set one up yourself though... I bet you'd find some like-minded souls fairly quickly. It doesn't have to be elaborate does it - just a nice friendly space for local mums.

Mumsnut · 13/08/2009 13:23

Their house, their rules.

scrummymum · 13/08/2009 16:56

I go to a toddler group that is run by the church. We have a bible story and some religious songs (as well as non-religious ones). I am not a church person but join in with the songs and listen to the story. The lady that runs them often runs 'girls nights' where mums can go along to have a drink and talk about religion but I just politely decline.

I don't see why you can't listen to their views without believing them.

I listen to politicians too and I don't believe them either.

questioneverything · 13/08/2009 17:08

It makes me howl with laughter.

If you don't like it you know where the door is.

The bottome line is this, the religion that you dislike so much, loves you enough to set up a toddler group to show community and bring together the community.

I don't see alot of 'secular athiests' setting up toddler groups, do you.

I have been to many 'church based' toddler groups and have never had it 'rammed down my throat'.

Maybe your so uncomfortable because you know its true.

YABU - vote with your feet or set up your own group.

Original poster

ClaraDeLaNoche · 13/08/2009 17:12

I don't dislike their religion at all. I am just personally finding this unusual because I am not used to mixing church and play.

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 13/08/2009 17:18

questioneverything your post is eyewateringly rude and hostile

if that is an example of the love and community spirit you refer to, you can keep it

I run a group for 0-6yos which has no religious affiliations

when my children were littler I went to lots of groups which had nothing to do with any church or belief system

I also went to a church one for a while - what turned me off wasn't so much the insidious drip-feeding of Christian ideas (which is of course completely inappropriate for small children) but the lack of anything else with any vigour - the pile of second-hand toys in the middle of the room and the weak squash/stale biscuit were quite clearly nothing more than a vehicle to piggy-back the Christian dogma onto

I prefer groups which are run by people who love children and families, who care about the community because of the people in it rather than as part of some seedy religious brainwashing agenda

shop around, there are MUCH better alternatives on offer, much as churches like to imply that they have the sole franchise on social groups for young families (an obvious target area for Christian recruiters - lonely, vulnerable people in need of companionship)

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