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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just feel ill, really ill

13 replies

serajen · 12/08/2009 13:20

At all that happened to Baby Peter and is still going on to other poor little souls, I know we live in an imperfect world and I try not to dwell on bad stuff but it's difficult to emotionally detach from the horror of child abuse

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 12/08/2009 13:21

Don't read it. Only you know how much you are emotionally affected by it. If you're feeling sensitive best not to read about it if it makes you feel ill.

VinegarTits · 12/08/2009 13:24

You really need to switch off from it, i know its hard but there is horror all around us, not just child abuse, and we could drive ourselves crazy thinking about it all

Original poster
serajen · 12/08/2009 13:28

I'm not reading anything new, believe me, just knowing what I do is enough to haunt; yes, I know it's a case of switching off, some days you just feel stronger than others when it comes to injustice

OP posts:
Niecie · 12/08/2009 13:29

No, don't read it. Don't watch the news.

Too late though, if you have already heard all about it. I don't know what you can do except give your own DC a big hug and do your very best for them. There isn't anything else we can really do now.

Silver1 · 12/08/2009 13:38

BabyP is a horrible horrible horrible tragedy. But as an adoptive mum with a child from a neighbouring area I truly believe BabyP's death and the case that followed saved my child's life.
I hope this gives you some comfort.

GibbonInARibbon · 12/08/2009 13:40

I have avoided all details and tbh would not have opened this thread had I known it was about Baby Peter.

LouMacca · 12/08/2009 13:42

I feel the same way.

I decided I just can't read any of it anymore so I won't. When I saw the picture of Baby Peter's 'mother' yesterday I had to click off because I just can't bear to look at this person and think about what she/they did.

VTits is right - you can drive yourself crazy thinking about all the terrible things that go on in society and in the world.

Original poster
serajen · 12/08/2009 13:43

Thanks for your words of comfort, Silver, there is always hope,

OP posts:
NanaNina · 12/08/2009 23:52

NO there isn't anything you can do to save the baby Ps of this world. This case has been given a huge amount of media attention because it is Haringay again. There have been 20 children died at the hands of their parents since the death of baby P but no one has heard about them.

Parents/step parents/others who abuse children and those who fail to protect (usually the mothers) have almost always suffered horrendous abuse themselves in childhood. I am NOT trying to excuse their behaviour but I do think it is important to understand this connection.

In the main, we can only repeat the experiences that we have had as parents and if we have been fortunate enough to have had kind nurturing parents, then we will be the same with our children. Sadly for many many people this is not the case and they end up as very damaged people who are simply not capable of parenting and their children are at risk of neglect and abuse.

I know this doesn't help with feeling upset about children who are abused but I thought it worth making the point.

People are not born evil - they are made that way by the way they are treated themselves as children and thus you have the cycle of deprivation and I don't think there is any way to stop it.

In the meantime be thankful that you are the lucky ones who know how to properly love and care for your children.

Original poster
serajen · 13/08/2009 11:18

I agree NanaNina, the cycle of abuse is so hard to penetrate and there simply aren't the resources, I guess, to nurture and re-educate. Heaven help all those involved in such vicious circles. None of us can choose who are are born to, I had a skewed upbringing but am grateful that I have been able to love my daughter unconditionally.

OP posts:
deaddei · 13/08/2009 12:30

serajen- why not volunteer for NSPCC/Childline or another children's charity? Campaign, get involved- (not talking about donating) Do something positive out of this awful tragedy, and make a difference to other children.

Original poster
serajen · 13/08/2009 15:59

I work for a children's charity, deaddei, just a drop in the ocean of the many who need help, but it's something

OP posts:
deaddei · 13/08/2009 16:15

Well there you go Serajen- think of the marvellous work you're doing. I do too, and I really believe what I do can make a difference- even in a small way.
I think what has come out of Peter's death, is that more people will pick up the phone and report abuse, which can only be a good thing.

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