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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to sneak out tonight and hack down neighbours bush

23 replies

Mamazon · 10/08/2009 22:58

I am itterly phobic about butterflies and moths. I know its sad and a totally irrational but i am petrified of them. Its an extreme phobia, i can't even get DD clothes with butterfly pictures on them.

Next doors front garden has an enormous flowering weed bush which hangs over the garden wall onto the path that i need to pass every day.

It is attracting literally hundreds of butterflies. They are swarming all around teh bush and as such are in my front garden, on my front porch and steps....even on the window of my front door.

Now im new on the street but get on ok with everyone here so far but i think that had they wanted the bush removed they would have done so.

Woudl i be terrible if i went out and just hacked it down?.

its got to the stage where im walking around the block to get to my car as i dont want to walk past the bush.

I know im a total whimp and should just get over it, they aren't going to hurt me etc etc.

But i can't. i feel sick just thinking about opening my front door anmd seeing them all there.

so, weed killer? yes or no?

OP posts:

trefusis · 10/08/2009 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotaGoddess · 10/08/2009 23:01

buddlia by any chance? lol
I hate the stuff, my neibour has it and it has got to nrly roof height in 6 months, its rotton. weed killer I say, but for gods sake make sure they dont catch you!

Original poster

Mamazon · 10/08/2009 23:05

Im pretty sure its a weed as it seems to be growing all over the place locally.
its like a big green bush with long purple (almost phallic looking) bunches of small flowers.

OP posts:

NotaGoddess · 10/08/2009 23:05

yep. as above.

thederkinsdame · 10/08/2009 23:07

Legally you can cut down the bits growing over your side of the fence, but I would ask first out of courtesy and be careful you don't get too enthusiastic...

Original poster

Mamazon · 10/08/2009 23:11

well the neighbours at the other end of the street have seen me running the gaulntlet with them recently so hopefully word will have gotten back.

honestly they were sat laughing at me because i was trying to get past the bush. it was 2 steps forward then squealing and running 15 back.

i was swo glad it rained today as it meant they buggered off whilst i needed to leave the house.

I feel like a prisoner. all rather pathetic i know but i can't help it

OP posts:

Thunderduck · 10/08/2009 23:13

No weed killer. It doesn't belong to you. I'd be furious if someone did this to our plants.

Thunderduck · 10/08/2009 23:14

And if you're new the last thing you want to do is piss off your neighbours.

Mumsnut · 10/08/2009 23:16

Buy a big super soaker water pistol and give them a blast when you want to leave ...

Kayugaduck · 10/08/2009 23:28

Why don't you confront your phobia head on and try and see it from the butterflies' point of view and their right to exist? What gives you the right to think you can exterminate other life for no reason other than your own neurosis?

It's good you realise you are the problem. It is not unusual to have a phobia but it is defeatist to say you can't help it. Step by step you can. Learn techniques which will help you help yourself before your irrationality overwhelms you and ruins your life.

MitchyInge · 10/08/2009 23:32

am I the only person chuckling at the thread title?
sorry
sorry
sorry

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/08/2009 23:48

From your description Mamazon, it definitely sounds like a Buddleia. it is not a weed, and your neighbour is probably very fond of it, as I am of the two in my garden. People usually plant them just because they want to attract butterflies - they are often called 'butterfly bushes'.

I hope you're kidding about the weedkiller. You could ask the neighbour about trimming the portion that overhangs your path. As trefusis says, the flowers won't last much longer.

And since you describe it as a phobia, you already know that YABU, it kinda goes with the territory of phobias.

Original poster

Mamazon · 11/08/2009 20:10

I googled it and yes it is a buddleia.

Haven't managed to catch neighbours as i think they are away at a dog show ( they have a champion great dane)

just saw that they are called the butterfly bush, god it makes me feel ill.

I really do think they are here by mistake ratehr than design, their garden is totally patio'd and the front is just grass. they certainly dont' strike me as the green fingered type.

but its ok, i would never really go and hack it down in the night...but it really is bloody horrible.
oh well, at least in getting some extra excercise having to walk round the block to get to the car

OP posts:

nellynaemates · 12/08/2009 08:47

Speak to them
In the meantime get yourself a beekeeper outfit or something so you don't have to worry about them touching you.
Seriously, seek help. There is no need for you to go through life suffering from a phobia like this. Please seek hypnotherapy or something. If it's impacting on your life like this then it's worth a shot trying to get an NHS referral.

MorningTownRide · 12/08/2009 08:57

bush sorry.

I would ask them first if they would cut it back to within the curtilage of their property. If it is overhanging the path (public highway) that is an obstruction under s137 of the Highways Act.

If it is overhanging your property you are within your rights to cut back the bush and put the trimmings back into their garden. That is obviously the last resort.

Talk to them first. Good luck.

notsoteenagemum · 12/08/2009 09:19

Mamazon I feel your pain, I'm also petrified of them
I tried to 'cure' myself by walking with my hood up and a demented grin through the butterfly house at the zoo because I was concerned dd was picking up on my fears.
It was awful and I was sick after it but I can actually look at a picture of one now without sweating and shaking.
Speak to your neighbours and get some help

CaptainRex · 12/08/2009 09:27

Whilst I love my buddleia, I understand having a phobia as I have one myself. However they are a very easy plant to maintain and love nothing more than a good pruning - makes them grow even stronger next year.

As others have reccommended, have you thought about CBT to help make the phobia more controlable? Your own Dr can refer you to somewhere

Crablass · 12/08/2009 11:06

What is it you don't like about them? They have no teeth, they are pretty/interesting. They don't sting, they are not poisonous and they fertilise plants? Would it help if you thought of them as tiny little birds?

I've just had to evict 4 giant moths from the office as the squealing of my colleagues was interuppting my Mumsnet reading.

roulade · 12/08/2009 11:49

Much empathy from me to you mamazon I blinkin' well hate all flying insects, i swear they know this and attack whenever they see me, especially wasps! I've been thinking of hypnotherapy for years but not got round to it.

Original poster

Mamazon · 12/08/2009 11:56

god your brave Notsoteenagemum. I nearly gaggedd just imagining you walking through.

Its utterly ridiculous i know. I keep snakes and lizards, i am happy to hold spiders and bugs, i find frogs fascinating.

but butterflies and moths make my insides do somersaults.

DP has asked me that same question many many times Crablass. i have no idea. i really don't.

I do know that they are beautfull and lovely, i just shudder at the mention of them.

I have never thought of getting any kind of CBt or hypno therapy of any kind actually. i certainly couldn'#t afford private and i di't think it would be the kind of thing teh NHS would pay for.

Mind you i did contemplate getting a butterfly tatoo'd on my backside. figuered if i could get used to it being there but not constantly in my view maybe i could de sensetise myself.
trouble was i couldn't even look at the design examples in order to pick one.

we need a pathetic emoticon

OP posts:

picmaestress · 13/08/2009 20:50

Poor you, how horrible! Talk to the neighbours, seriously. If I had a neighbour that was this bothered I would try and help...and I would definitely take out a plant if it was this upsetting to someone.

curiositykilled · 13/08/2009 21:02

Go and ask your GP about therapy. I'm pretty sure it'd be available on NHS if phobia is seriously affecting your life like this.

OrmIrian · 13/08/2009 21:05

I think it is often grown in order to attract butterflies. Sorry. Don't hack it down.

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