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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

a simple yes or no will suffice (!)

92 replies

pamelat · 06/08/2009 19:23

DD 18 months.

I work 3 days, she goes to nursery.

I have 2 days with her, plus the weekend with DH around.

Am member of very nice and never used gym . Prior to going back to work used to do a friday morning class and put DD in creche.

I still want to do this but feel I should not?

She used to like it but now she is a bit clingier (been at nursery 6 months now) and seems to want "mummmeeeeeeeeeeeeee" a lot more.

So would I be unreasonable to put her in the creche (just for an hour) maybe once a fortnight? It feels wrong but I really want to do something and lose some weight.

Is it really selfish when I dont see her for 3 days (for more than about an hour or so)

OP posts:

Merrylegs · 07/08/2009 12:13

You should go to the gym once a week at least if it is to be of any benefit.

If your DD is acting up with her dad he should be spending MORE time with her .

You say he is 'being a star' and is 'really very good with her'. She is his daughter. When you are looking after her, does he think you are a 'star' or 'really very good with her?' Or is his parenting somehow more praiseworthy because - well, because he is kind of doing you a favour by looking after her?

You say you want her and mummy time. What about seeing your trip to the gym as her and daddy time?

MaybeAfterBreakfast · 07/08/2009 12:14

Do it, and at the weekends too (no point going to the gym once a week, imo).

The only way dh will get better with your daughter is by actually spending time with her on his own.

KatyS36 · 07/08/2009 18:58

Do it!

Gym once a week / fortnight much better than no gym

Aidensmama · 07/08/2009 19:29

you should defo go, she is more than likely fine once you have gone. You need that hour for your sanity.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/08/2009 19:34

i think you should go twice a week

once a week put dd in a creche - it wont kill her

and 2nd time on a sat/sun and dh can look after his child for an hour or 2

alll parents need me time

fledtoscotland · 07/08/2009 19:39

am not against going to a gym but i cant understand why, after working for 3 days, you would prefer to be in a gym rather than spending time with your DD.

Dont get me wrong, both my boys go to nursery whilst I work and before I went part time, they were in nursery 3 days a week. I would always prefer to spend time with them.

Original poster

pamelat · 07/08/2009 19:52

Going on the Friday morning will mean twice a week at gym.

I only need to lose a couple of lbs and tone up so it should be enough. I used to go 5 times a week pre DD!

To answer a few Q's

I have already paid up front for a year. Its valid until April so I feel I should go. I know I could do things in her nap time like an aerobics dvd or similar but I have still paid (£700 for the year).

I think twice is ok, as a starter. We are ttc so dont want to be too tired

Its not that I want to spend time in gym instead of with her, although on bad days I do. Its just that she can not come in with me and by evening, I am usually shattered and really dont want to go.

Although saying that last night i forced myself out for a 20 minute job, first time since Easter and felt ok but then went to bed (to sleep) by 9pm!

fledtoscotland. I think an hour "off" might be quite nice from time to time?

OP posts:

TheYearOfTheCat · 07/08/2009 20:04

But Fled, loAds of people need a bit of time out. For me it can't be purely work and kids, I would go mad.

At this very moment I have taken to my bed and am sulking because my dh moaned about me spending an hour a week going to pilates. His gripe has backfired, becAuse he is now having to do bedtime on his own.

Op your dd will be fine, and you will benefit too.

Thunderduck · 07/08/2009 20:06

What Yearofthecat said. There's nothing wrong with wanting some time out.

Original poster

pamelat · 07/08/2009 20:07

I think the hour "out" also depends on your child. Today DD has been a joy, usually that is not the cash. I obviously love her to bits but sometimes I feel emotionally worn down by it all.

Maybe you become a better mum second time round?

OP posts:

LalalaNotlistening · 07/08/2009 20:12

Not selfish at all .You should do it weekly for yourself and then it also becomes a regular part of your dd`s routine .

optimisticmumma · 07/08/2009 20:19

Stop fretting.
Get DH to look after DD twice at the weekend.
He really should be able to cope with her.
If not, he needs to relearn and so does DD.
Take it from someone with 3 teenagers!!
You know whether your DD is 'up ' for an hour in the creche or whether she would spend all the time screaming.....

mummytowillow · 07/08/2009 20:34

DO IT! And enjoy your gym!

fledtoscotland · 07/08/2009 22:47

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a bit of "me" time, all i am saying is that 3 days away from you can be quite a long time for some children so rather that have your ME time on the Friday, couldn't you have it when she's in bed?

I too would like the odd hour off but with no family in the country and only 11months between DS1 & DS2, this rarely happens. Thats life and I have to get on with it. have accepted that gym days and Me time will happen when they go to school.

Thunderduck · 07/08/2009 23:01

Yes but the OP has that option so I see no reason why she shouldn't take it.

Of course it's lovely to spend time and to do things with one's children but that doesn't require that every minute of the day be spent with them. It's only for an hour.

TEJQ · 07/08/2009 23:50

It would be better for her really if you could use the same childcare she is used to - too much group care with lots of different carers is not great for under three's and definitely not good for under two's. Less adult carers the better in the first few years.

smallblessings · 08/08/2009 16:55

Just do it! I have been 'prescribed' exercise because of PND. We all need time for ourselves.

fledtoscotland I don't have any family in this country either (that I speak to) and I have discovered at my peril that we all need to try and find a way to have me time.

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