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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be offended that ILs want to go out to dinner twice when they come and visit?

25 replies

amiunnecessarilyoffended · 05/08/2009 18:34

I love cooking, and whenever ILs come to stay I see it as an opportunity to cook a lovely meal.

However, the past few times they have come to stay they have suggested we go out to dinner at least once. I didn't think much of it really, they just said that it would mean I wouldn't have to cook.

Anyway they are coming down this weekend, and because it is FIL's birthday I suggested we take them out to a really nice restaurant to celebrate. I'd then planned to make a nice lunch/dinner on the Sunday as they are not going back until Monday, and get a birthday cake so that we can celebrate with DS as well.

Today MIL called me and asked if we would like to go out to lunch on Sunday as well so that DS can have the chance to go out and celebrate.

I do think that dinner the night before and then out for lunch is a bit much anyway, but it's just been said too many times now that i am beginning to think that they would prefer not to eat my cooking at all, and I am quite offended as everyone has always said I am a good cook, even my mother who doesn't mince her words about these things.

So ibu?

OP posts:

Original poster

amiunnecessarilyoffended · 05/08/2009 18:34

just to add, I do feel it plays down the nice dinner we have organized for them as well..

OP posts:

bigchris · 05/08/2009 18:35

yabu
I think they are just being nice
sounds heaven to me
lol

Disenchanted3 · 05/08/2009 18:36

You sound paranoid,

it doesn't sound to me like they are avoiding your cooking!

GirlsAreLoud · 05/08/2009 18:45

THey are being lovely, they're trying to save you any bother.

Stop looking for criticism where there is none and start appreciating your lovely and considerate in-laws.

leonifay · 05/08/2009 18:47

when ever my parents come, they feel like they are a burden and like to take us out to dinner, manly to say thanks for letting them stay, but also to give me a break form cooking.

think of it as a nice treat, and not as an insult. also they have a point your ds muight feel left out?

lambanana · 05/08/2009 18:48

I would be made up. Look at it this way - they probably think they are treating you so accept it gracefully.

Portofino · 05/08/2009 18:49

I would actually think they were being nice and trying not to put me to too much trouble. And I#d be grateful that i didn't have to spend my time cooking and shopping.

Dsis and family are coming in a couple of weeks and with 4dcs between us, eating out all the time will unfortunately be too much. But there will definitely be one takeaway, one evening meal out all the same....

MummyDragon · 05/08/2009 18:49

It's all relative (no pun intended) I guess ...

If my MIL offered to take us out for meals when she comes to visit, instead of sitting on her rse and not even offering* to carry a plate to the sink, make a cup of tea or peel a spud the WHOLE damn time she's here, I would smother her in kisses and be dolled up in my best dress the moment the words were out of her mouth.

Sounds a bit as though you wanted the credit/praise for playing hostess/party organiser, tbh, and now you thunder has been stolen and you're narked. A bit like Monica in Friends??!! They have never suggested that they don't like your cooking, have they? - they are just trying to save you a lot of hassle and expense. They sound fantastic to me!

OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 18:50

They are trying not to burden you with the extra mouths. Enjoy it!

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 05/08/2009 18:51

I think you are being a bit U.

inlaws can't win, they are trying to do something nice and you are assuming they don't like your food. Maybe they just want to treat you all..

Clayhead · 05/08/2009 18:52

They sound lovely - nice of them to be so considerate of ds!

VanillaPumpkin · 05/08/2009 18:54

Yes YABU. They are trying to help you out and make their visit easier for you. Il's esp don't want to be seen to be stepping on toes or taking advantage. I would grab hold with both hands!!

Jux · 05/08/2009 19:01

I'm sorry, YABU. Your ILs don't want you spending the entire time cooking and washing up. They want everyone to have a treat, including you.

My ILs come down once a year on the way to somewhere else and stop for lunch with us. They bring their own sandwiches. I used to prepare really nice lunches for them, but I don't bother any more. I know they're not being nice btw!

oxocube · 05/08/2009 19:04

They can take me instead. Sounds like they are nice people and even nicer if they are offering to pay

NorthernLurker · 05/08/2009 19:05

I'd be ecstatic if somebody offered to take me out twice!

Could it be that you are in fact a terrible cook but everyone loves you too much to say so?

oxocube · 05/08/2009 19:06

Oh and invite your girlfriends round instead to showcase your cooking which I'm sure is lovely and nothing to do with your inlaws kind offer

GrendelsMum · 05/08/2009 19:06

No, they're trying to help out, and, I think, they're trying to be "fair" to your DS by making sure everyone gets to go out.

This reminds me a bit of my DH's last birthday. He loves to cook, so his birthday treat was... to cook us all a meal. The treat bit was that I got the ingredients he wanted. My SiL, who was staying, was totally gobsmacked that he happily disappeared into the kitchen to cook his own birthday meal.

Confuzzeled · 05/08/2009 19:21

YABU, they just don't want to stress you out and parents think that going out is a real treat for their children.

My Mum always used to take us out for dinner before dd arrived, now they always insist on take away. But when I go stay with them they are happy for me to cook them a meal while they look after dd.

I think they know your a good cook, and so do you but they don't want to be a burden when they come to stay.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 05/08/2009 19:22

yup. I think you are a bit! don't go round looking for things to be mad about!

Most people see going out for a meal as a lovely treat! Unless they are saying that they expect you to take them out and pay for their meal, which would be cheeky!

Habbibu · 05/08/2009 19:27

Why don't you just make a nice cake instead?

MaybeAfterBreakfast · 05/08/2009 19:29

YABVU - they are being lovely, trying to think of everyone and save you the hassle of cooking and shopping.

Wish I could swap parents/ILs. Mine want to be waited on hand and foot when they come here because they are on holiday and/or deserve a rest (apparently).

PfftTheMagicDragon · 05/08/2009 19:32

YABU.

Maybe they are just trying to be nice,lighten your load? Maybe they see that you always make an effort and want to spare you that?

funtimewincies · 05/08/2009 19:37

When our ILs come to stay they don't want to feel like they're causing me extra work, so they always suggest dinner out at least once. It's all we can do to stop them giving us food money and there is always a fight to get our name on the tab before they pay for that too !

ipiratethief · 05/08/2009 19:41

sounds to me like they like theidea of you offering to take them out becuase it's fil's birthday, but we equally like to treat you to a meal too?

yabu

count it as being fortunate

FiveGoMadInDorset · 05/08/2009 19:47

YABU, at least your IL's want to spend time with you and treat you and your family, mine don't seem to think that any of us exist, including their son.

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