to think its rude to ask if im having more children??

[lisad123]

Maybe its me, but think its rude to ask this question especially of someone you dont know that well.

POOP! I can't do strike outs!

When Ipicked my jaw off the floor said that I was actually his mother

Nope, can't do it.

I think it's rude and I hate it.

I get asked reasonably often, probably because I have 2 boys. I can't have any more due to health problems and it really makes me cross that people don't think before they open their mouths.

Because of my situation I would never ask anyone if they were planning anymore. You never know what someone else's situation is and it can be upsetting.

I hate having to smile and say 'no we don't want anymore'. Sometimes I feel like giving them the extended version of my medical history just to watch them squirm but I'm too polite.

Raffyandted - put the strike outs round each word, not the whole sentence

I think I might have to revise my stock answer when asked this question which is "there would be a divorce"! Now come to think of if that imples DH has had the snip and he hasn't. So what would people think if I was pregnant again!

I'm so glad there's a topic about this. As a chap I'd never dream of asking someone. I wouldn't ask your wife when she's going to loose weight, when you're going to finish doing up your house or how much you both earn, so why is this most personal of questions any different?
True it can be deflected with a quick joke, but usually we're left seething. If it comes from single people my first thought is "Is there not any other topic you could ask us about, why do you care?" If it's from people with kids it just makes us cross. If you look at our respective families, they've got either lots of equally spaced kids or a few with a veeeery long gap between them. We didn't tell anybody during the run up to our first dc, so why would we for a second one?
And (sorry bad grammar) when you find out that at least 3 couples you know are having all sorts of horrible problems, do you get really cross! Do we reply with sarcasm "Oh yes, we've never thought of a second one. What a good idea. " FFS. Or unleash the full account of just what is wrong and what we're going through.
It is an insensitive and truly dumbass question. Anything that makes my wife cry and is so thoughtless makes me cross.
Phew.

eeky- yes theres a year and three days between my two gorgeous gals and we were and still are constantly confronted with people assuming they weren't planned like that. Well they were so ner ner to them!
ps- you'll be fine. Hectic but fine!!

I hate it when people ask but for me it touches a raw nerve- had brain hemorrage linked to being pregnant with DS and been advised not to do it again. I would dearly like to have a sibling for DS but am scared to risk my health- don't think can risk him loosing mummy for a brother or sister.

I do think its a rather personal question but not necessarily rude. Its just hard to take people prodding about a subject that is painful for you.

What I do find rude is when I take a deep breath and say "No" and then the prodding starts- thats just a little too nosey. MAybe I should just be honest and say I'm 100% fine now but might die if I had a second child - would that shut them up or is it unfair to be so blunt??!!??

No don't think it would be unfair! You get sick of dancing around a sensitive subject after a while. I only bf ed by two for a few weeks each as have got MS which makes me very fatigued and I just couldn't stay well and bf. After being asked why not lots of times I resorted to 'WELL i've got a debilitating disease actually!' Felt bit mean as I'm generally well if I look after myself but it shut them up..

I think YABU. I think that if you thought through every single permutation of how people could possibly be offended by every word you utter, there would be no small talk at all. It's so sad that people are ready to take offence at what is a very innocent question. It is not like they are asking you how many times a week you are getting it, now, is it??