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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at a husband who won't get out of bed

30 replies

SammyAnne · 02/08/2009 08:34

because he drank a bottle and a half of wine last night staying up til the small hours watching the late film, and now grumpily wants an 11-wk pregnant me to get up at 7am and deal with our toddler's morning routine so he can sleep in. OK he doesn't make a habit of it, but he will NEVER do the same for me. GRRR.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 02/08/2009 08:35

I'd have gotten up, laced up my walking boots or running shoes, and gone on a very long ramble or run, tbh.

skidoodle · 02/08/2009 08:42

He never gives you a lie in?

Isn't that one of the marriage vows?

I happily let dh sleep if he's had a bit if a boozy late night, but he does mornings so I can rest other days.

bigchris · 02/08/2009 08:47

yanbu
i'd be planning a weekend away with the girls if i never got a liein
and a bottle and a half on his own? wierd! could you i sist when he does get up he takes the toddler out fir breakfast and you go back to bed? sounds like he might need a fryup anyway!

Original poster

SammyAnne · 02/08/2009 08:49

Nope. Not since DS was born. I don't mind massively (never was one for sleeping in much), just would be nice occasionally - i.e when I feel ill or, like now, preggers and up three times a night peeing. Anyway, am going to stop being a grump myself and take DS to the park, which I imagine he will have all to himself at this hour!

OP posts:

Meglet · 02/08/2009 08:50

yanbu. My ex never let me lie in, one of the many reasons he is my ex.

He needs to make it up for you later.

skidoodle · 02/08/2009 08:52

At 11 weeks pg I could barely get out of bed with tiredness and nausea. He needs to let you rest more.

Boys2mam · 02/08/2009 09:55

YANBU

My DP and I take turns - you say he never lets you lie in but maybe you need to talk to him about. If he's like my DP he needs a gentle nudge in the right direction.

GoldenSnitch · 02/08/2009 10:07

My DH reckons that because he gets up half an hour before me everyday (he gets up at 6.30, I get up at 7am) that I get a lie in everyday so the weekend should be his!!!

So I get up with our son 7 days a week and he lays in till 10 every weekend!

I've tried telling him that it's all about getting up when I would like to rather than when I am told to by a toddler but apparently that is made up for by my extra half hour of dozing (cause he wakes me when he gets up) 5 days a week!!

Men can be real sods when it comes to sleep!

CyradisTheSeer · 02/08/2009 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

K999 · 02/08/2009 10:39

We take it in turns for a lie in, me on a Saturday and DP on a Sunday but tbh dd2 has been sleeping later herself now so we all tend to get up together.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/08/2009 12:54

My dh has let me lie in twice since ds was born 11 months ago. He's unbearable in the mornings, i actually dislike him and now prefer to have a couple of hours to myself watching tv and drinking tea and let him get up naturally. I also do it when he's working, i get everything sorted and get him up at the last minute (i drive him) i realise i'm enabling his shit ness but he was spoiled and I've tried fighting 30 years of habit and i can't. You have to pick your battles i think. I would love a lie in especially after a rare night out but it's not gonna happen, unless he undergoes a personality transplant.

K999 · 02/08/2009 12:56

I would suggest to him then he should get a 'personality transplant' then.

Its just as important for you to get a lie in as it is him!!

lizmcfizz · 02/08/2009 13:13

you can allow him to lie in as he's obviously not much use to anyone in this state BUT you have to insist that he does the same for you My hub usually has a bit of a blow out Friday nights I allow it and have stopped moaning about it I just get up and get on with it He's grateful for the lack of nagging and makes it up to me in other ways After two kids I think we have an inate sense of who needs the lie in most and we share it out

moondog · 02/08/2009 14:19

What do yuo mean, he doesn't 'let you'?
Does he lie in all the time or what?
Why are you allowing this to happen?

alexpolismum · 02/08/2009 14:55

When my husband won't get out of bed and I think he's being unreasonable (it's ok if he's ill or whatever), then I put a noisy toy in our toddler's hand and tell him to go and show it to Daddy. DS is very persistent and will shout "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" until he gets some attention. It works every time.

expatinscotland · 02/08/2009 16:36

If mine did that I'd lace up my hiking boots or running shoes and leave.

We trade off.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/08/2009 16:43

For me, I have to go on and on to get him to wake up (shaking the shoulder, saying 'wake up' loudly over and over) and that's a normal morning, not factoring in late night or hangover. He wakes up but he's half asleep and very grumpy until he has had a poo and a cup of tea, and even then he can still be grumpy. He would never wake up spontaneously before 11, even if he went to bed at 11. I actually think he has some kind of disorder. Anyway, he has always been like this, but was totally indulged by his mum and has never learnt to just get the fuck out of bed and get on with it.

It's not that he doesn't think I have a right to lie ins by the way - but we can't make it happen with the way he is.

aGalChangedHerName · 02/08/2009 17:22

Oh god i couldn't bear it if DH was like that.

If i had to 'make' DH get up or give me a lie in it would be like fighting with my teen ds1. Selfish bastards imo.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/08/2009 17:34

Well we all have things we don't like that we tolerate. I couldn't bear it if my DH was a sulker - or mean with money - or impatient with DS - or a tory.....you know, marriage/partnership is about tolerating certain things in exchange for others

aGalChangedHerName · 02/08/2009 17:37

Don't really get why after having wine he can't just get up and sit with the dc tho?

My DH and i have both done that to let the other lie in. Esp if i have been pg and up through the night.

K999 · 02/08/2009 17:37

If theres something I dont like, I certainly dont tolerate it!! Why should I?? DP would certainly be quick enough to tell me if something I was doing was pissing him off....we share pretty much everything but I dont take him for granted and he doesnt take me for granted!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/08/2009 17:46

So you have removed every single bad habit and personality trait that you don't like from your DH? Wow.

Anyway - I'm not sure you get what I'm saying so never mind.

expatinscotland · 02/08/2009 17:54

Well, laziness and acting like a stroppy teen is something I would never, ever tolerate.

I don't put that out myself so why on Earth should I take it?

moondog · 02/08/2009 18:01

What about work, Kat?
Does he get up for that?

JodieO · 02/08/2009 18:02

Very good point moondog

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