Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

at being an indecisive bint

23 replies

ridingjoker · 02/08/2009 08:27

not an AIBU, more what would you do.

had first date with guy last sunday. very much the gentleman. went out. then back watch dvd at mine. he never tried anything more than some vigorous kissing.

i invite him to do something wed.

he calls to say he's leaving.
5 mins later texts to say his car wont start and he's running late.

then doesn't show to pick me up.

i try to call once then go to bed when no answer.

last night he text
"sorry not been in contact sooner, been unwell"
i ask - "care to expand" (i think or similar words)

to which i get "yeah, will tell you everything when i see you"

so.... what possible reasons could there be? and should i give the chance..

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/08/2009 08:37

Give him the chance if he gets in touch - but it had better be good - that sounds lame. I was dumped in that exact manner once - he said he'd call on one day, 2 days later he sees me on msn accidentally (I was home from work) and mutters something about having been 'ill', said he'd call me to explain and the call never came.....

So his reasons could be - debilitating illness involving loss of use of texting fingers - cold feet - ex gf back on the scene - random male freakery that covers a multitude of oddness. Or he's just very lame and forgetful - but do you want a guy like that?

edam · 02/08/2009 08:37

Doesn't look good. Whatever happened, he should have called you to apologise. And I can't think of any reasonable excuse for not turning up.

LoveMyGirls · 02/08/2009 08:38

I would do this - The next time he wants to meet you tell him you are busy with something that can't be cancelled but say I'll meet you tomorrow for lunch.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 02/08/2009 08:43

kat - i think the most plausible that creeps to mind for me is ex back on scene. i dont know how long he's been split. haven't got as far to ask.

that i could understand if he's honest about it and owns up.not sure if i'd be with someone who might go running back to ex at every opportunity.

he did eventually get up the balls to apologise. but by text and took 3 days , if he was going to dump he wouldn't have bothered at all.

could be keeping his options open though i suppose.

unless of course he got ran over/broke his hand/lost a texting limb while fixing his car and was in hospital from wed night till sunday

OP posts:
Original poster
ridingjoker · 02/08/2009 08:45

lovemygirls - i AM always busy, i have cancelled several times before on him to get to this far..

OP posts:
proverbial · 02/08/2009 08:48

Not exactly a good sign is it? I'd cut and run now if I were you, no point going further with someone that unreliable.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 02/08/2009 08:53

yeah, unreliable i can deal with. ... but its downright rude not to even send a message and say wont be coming anymore on the wed?

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 02/08/2009 09:32

Maybe he really likes you and is fed up of you always being busy/ cancelling him?

Not mature of him to do this but men can be odd at times. I'd give him chance to explain over lunch if he doesn't have a reason I'd get rid.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 02/08/2009 09:46

sadly lovemygirls this is what comes of being LP with an ex who cancels last min. date had also cancelled once on me as his dd was unwell.... so i doubt this is his problem. he should be understanding that dc come first as he has 1 same age as mine.

but if it is i wont continue seeing him. its not going to work if he gets upset at me putting dc first.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 02/08/2009 09:57

Oh that's fair enough

Maybe just wait and see if he contacts you again.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 02/08/2009 12:43

i've to contact him and tell him when i'm next free. just cant bring myself to decide.

perhaps i should meet.

just so i can tell you lot his excuse

OP posts:
Parsleypants · 02/08/2009 13:01

He is a rude tosser! Why are you even considering meeting him again? I am a LP as well, seen and heard it all... run like the wind, I tell you. He blew you out on Wednesday without an explanation, then didn't contact you 'til Saturday evening? I think not. Sorry, I don't want to make you feel crap but these lame men make me sooooooo cross. I have no doubt you can do better, sack him now IMO. Needless to say, I am never as decisive and no-nonsense in my own love life and regularly ignore what everyone tells me.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 02/08/2009 13:06

i agree he's rude parsley.

but perhaps he needs to be told so

OP posts:
winnie09 · 03/08/2009 09:28

Parsleypants, I love your style and honesty about yourself

ridingjoker, you are going to have to meet him aren't you just so you can report back to mn

seriously though, you are very obviously waivering, be cautious.

Devongirl · 03/08/2009 09:42

When I used to put up with men treating me like shit, they did.

When I made the decision not to accept it any more, I met my now DH and he had a hard time at the beginning because I didn't cut him any slack at all, but luckily he respected it and stuck around.

If this man's behaviour isn't good enough after the first date then give up and set yourself some higher standards! Sorry if brutal advice but I do believe that if you are a doormat men will wipe their feet on you.

If he is interested he ought to have to work incredibly hard to get back in your good books and if he's not prepared to do that then he's just not that into you - it happens I'm afraid.

Original poster
ridingjoker · 03/08/2009 09:51

winnie i'm waivering as i'm a nosey bugger and want to hear his pathetic excuse.

but i haven't got back to him yet. thinking now i cant be arsed. i have so little free time. why spend some of it listening to crappy excuses.

OP posts:
Parsleypants · 04/08/2009 12:06

ridingjoker, have you decided what to do yet? It has been ds's 8th birthday so have been busy... spill!

Original poster
ridingjoker · 04/08/2009 15:48

i'm not seeing him again. blocked him on msn and deleted. haven't ever text him back with when i'm free to meet.

haven't heard from him since this wkd.

kicked to the curb before 2nd date

OP posts:
winnie09 · 04/08/2009 15:49

ridingjoker, good for you! You deserve better

MorrisZapp · 04/08/2009 15:53

Agree 100% with devongirl. After a first date, it should be hearts and flowers not odd excuses and silence.

Spare yourself any further crap - bin him now.

Parsleypants · 04/08/2009 20:24

Well done riding - NEXT!!

Original poster
ridingjoker · 04/08/2009 20:46

well... thing is i'm kinda speaking to a few others who i haven't got round to having date with.

today.... had serious fall off horse. hospital. bla bla....... laid up on sofa cant move.

its been really interesting the different males reaction.... 1 of which now wont be getting a date at all now as his reaction was very crap.

so.... think new verdict is only dates for those who seem genuinely concerned and have said they wish i would let them come round and make me tea and toast

OP posts:
Parsleypants · 05/08/2009 11:50

Oh no yopoor thing, that sounds bloody awful... hope you feel better soon. And too right, kick the crap reaction one into touch - twit.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread