to think that there is actually something wrong with MIL?

[crazylizzy]

We've never hit it off together, I really just don't understand her at all but recently I've been thinking maybe there is actually something wrong with her.

She has no social skills at all and can't seem to hold a reasonable conversation with another adult. I've invited her over for food several times but she always says no. She's come to our house once in 7 years despite living 11 miles away, and during that time she refused to take her coat off, she wouldn't go upstairs because she said she was afraid that she would fall down the stairs and die and she brought her own orange juice to drink.

When she goes out, she wears mens shorts, white sports socks and flip flops (all year round), she missed our wedding because she apparently had a headache, she has no social skills what so ever, she can be quite mean to DC (calling DD dirty if she has a little accident, last Saturday DD tripped over and MIL said to her "watch were you're going thicko" She's 3 for christ sake.

I find her behavior very rude at times and I have felt personally offended by her on several occasions.

DH thinks I'm being a bit mean.

I find myself questioning if there really is something wrong with her, surely this isn't normal behavior for an adult? AIBU?

Please understand I am not mocking, I really think maybe something isn't right

She doesn't sound atall normal. Has she always been like itv?

Yes, from day one. Hence we've never really clicked (at all!)

No, it's not typical behaviour.

No social skills, inappropriate behaviour, sticks to same clothing...she's not hfa is she?

Or maybe mental health, or bi-polar, or some personality disorder.

Or perhaps she's just a mad old cow

It's impossible to tell. And would be quite irresponsible of anyone to try to!

How do you approach it with your husband? What about saying "I am worried about X because..." and listing those things that concern you, but in a supportive not critical way?

Calling a three-year-old "thicko" is definitely reprehensible.

What does your DH say about his childhood?

YANBU - her behaviour suggests that something is not quite right.
If her behaviour has changed markedly over recent years then possibly she has a developing condition. OTOH if she has always been like this then she may have a stable condition that manifests itself in this way and she is not going to change. If its the former then she may need a more active intervention; if its the latter then you may just need to work around it (which is easier if you know that its something the person can't help rather than rudeness).
My ex-SIL was bipolar (only diagnosed part of the way into the marriage) and that diagnosis explained a lot of niggly issues I had with her behaviour which I just let go after that.

I wouldn't say this falls within the usual accepted standards of adult behaviour myself. I mean, she can wear what she likes but refusing to visit because she might fall down stairs and die? Does she never go anywhere with stairs? (curious, not mocking)

Ninedragons - agreed the use of "thicko" would normally be unacceptable. However, it is only "reprehensible" if MIL understands that it is inappropriate and some of her other behaviour raises a doubt in my mind about her overall mental health.
However, I can't speculate on what the underlying problem might be as I have no expertise.

Thank you for all your replies.

ninedragons- DH has a hard life, he went off the rails a bit when he was 11-ish, 5 months later MIL called social services and asked for him to be taken away. He then grew up in care (He is surprisingly a loving, level headed and very caring man)

Iklboo, I agree she can wear what she wants by all means, but wanted to build a bigger picture. She doesn't avoid stairs other than I know of, she has stairs in her own home for starters! Odd.

DH had a hard life I meant

Could MIL be on the autistic spectrum?