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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want mother-in-law as my friend on facebook?

34 replies

memoo · 27/07/2009 23:38

My mother-in-law is not easy at the best of times and is quite interfering and opinionated. I do cut her a lot of slack though as she is in her late 70's and not able to get out much due to breathing difficulties and I know she gets really fed up.

She lives in a different county to us and its quite a treck but we do make an effort to go up and see her and fil every few weeks and we speak to them on the phone a couple of times a week.

Today though she has requested me as a friend on facebook and tbh i'm mortified! I use facebook to keep in touch with friends who are dotted around the country and my sister who lives abroad.

I really don't want mil to see everything i might post on there. It feels like she is almost keeping tabs on me. Not that I do or say anything bad but who wants their mil breathing down their neck at every turn??

What do i do, as yet I have ignored her request. I really really don't want to accept her but don't want to hurt her feelings either ahhhh1

OP posts:
edam · 27/07/2009 23:40

eek. That's a really sticky situation. Um... can't yet see a way to get you out of this without hurting her feelings but I'm sure some clever MNer will come up with one.

edam · 27/07/2009 23:41

Could you carry on ignoring her and pretend that you don't use Facebook any more? Or will one of your friends/relatives drop you in it by mentioning FB in front of her?

mrsboogie · 27/07/2009 23:41

say nowt and if she mentions it say you never use it.

Original poster
memoo · 27/07/2009 23:44

I could do that, pretend i never go on there anymore. I feel really bad!

OP posts:
clemette · 27/07/2009 23:45

You could add her and then change the privacy settings on what she alone can see. Then she could see our general information but not your status updates etc...

SoccerMum · 27/07/2009 23:46

YANBU

I hate inappropriate friend requests, but its so hard to ignore them. I have 11 year olds that I say hello to at school adding me, I dont even know their names. Plus I have a woman from work who I have never spoken to who sent me a request.

How do you ignore them without it looking like you are saying 'Bog off'?

Original poster
memoo · 27/07/2009 23:49

I've had that too soccermum, A friends son who is 13 has requested me as a friend! I did decline him and felt bad but its just not appropriate.

Clemette, I had no idea I could change privacy settings like that! thats a fab idea

OP posts:
SwannMum · 27/07/2009 23:52

You can also block specific people so that when people search for you, it doesn't bring you up on the listings- it makes it look as though you're just not on facebook. I think it's in privacy settings.

Original poster
memoo · 27/07/2009 23:54

you guys are so clever!

OP posts:
Tortington · 27/07/2009 23:54

accept her and then delete her - she won't know as there isn't a big message that comes up YOU HAVE BEEN DELETED.

She won't know.

or set up a second account and tell her some spurious story about internet spam - or it kept crashing - start another page add your dp and kids ( if old enough) and a few mumsnetters - for cover purposes

then never use it

clemette · 27/07/2009 23:56

Privacy settings - Profile - Basic - Edit custom settings
I use it for clients who ask to friend me. I don't want to alienate them, but I don't want them knowing about the ins and outs of my life (my actual friends have no choice )

clemette · 28/07/2009 00:01

As for deletion - I have been the recipient of angry emails from people I have "deleted" in the past. Some keep a very close eye on the number of friends they have(!). I assume your MiL won't have a huge number so she will definitely notice when you are gone...

Original poster
memoo · 28/07/2009 00:06

good idea about the second account cvstard!

She would defiantely notice if I deleted her. She doesn't get out much and spends an awful lot of time on the computer. She is probably sat there right now waiting for me to accept her.

God! what if she saw my mumsnet friends on there and managed to trace me on here, now THAT would be awful!!!!

I'm not usually too worried about declining people, i've had a few requests from parents from the school in which I work and have decline them because it just seemed inappropriate.

OP posts:
Tortington · 28/07/2009 00:14

just think you could have two poker accounts

beanieb · 28/07/2009 00:22

Ignore the request then block her. She won't know, she will just think you have deleted your facebook.

beanieb · 28/07/2009 00:23

oh, and then make all your photo albums friends only!

shergar · 28/07/2009 00:32

Just Ignore the request. They just get a message that 'you have a friend request pending' if they click on your name again, and you can claim not to have noticed your Friend requests lately. Works for me!

rimmer08 · 28/07/2009 08:41

i second what shergar said. i wouldnt want my mil either as i wouldnt want her seeing status updates etc.

allaboutme · 28/07/2009 08:55

Don't be mean. Accept her, restrict the bits she can see so all she see's is your pics of the family etc but not your private messages/status updates
My MIL is on mine. She is so excited she can see so many photos of the children I put on there.
Whats the harm?

Original poster
memoo · 28/07/2009 21:19

Sorry its taken me so long to get back, I've had a bit of a day with my swine flu infested DC, caused mostly by the fact that they are well enough to be bored but have to wait 5 days before I can take em out anywhere.

DH working from home to due to SF and haven't been able to get on computer all day!

I still have done anything about this yet, keep swinging between feeling really guilty and that mildly anoyed that mil trys to but in on every part of my life!

I know she she bored stuck in all day cos she emails me lots and I always email her pics of DC. This is just too much though.

Think I am just going to ignore her request for a while longer til I have mulled things over a little more.

One poker account would be more than enough for me custardo, I have no idea how to play. would love to lean though cos DH reckons he is really good at it and would love to thrash him!

OP posts:
sunfunshine · 28/12/2016 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

celtiethree · 28/12/2016 18:48

Set up a different friend profile with v limited access then accept her request and add her to that list.

PenguinsandPebbles · 28/12/2016 18:51

Just set her as an acquaintance

Then all your other posts you set for friends not acquantiances

No one is hurt, just be sure to add a few photos for all including acquantiances or tell her you don't use it very often.

PenguinsandPebbles · 28/12/2016 18:52

Arrgghhh bloody zombie thread! Usually so good at checking the dates

Sure she's sorted it out by now

TheNaze73 · 28/12/2016 18:52

YANBU Fuck that shit

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