To really hate the way i look

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

I look like a fat frumpy version of vic reeves really. [sorry vic]

I used to be really quite sexy, always a little on the large side (huge bust) but happy with that. To be honest, i don't have so much of a problem with my body, its more my face, well, the whole package really.

How can i look SO different? I'm fat, my hair is lank and greasy (no matter how often i wash it), my skin is awful - it looks dirty all the time. I have excessive facial hair which i waxed off yesterday - ouch! But really, why bother - honestly, i know this seems pathetic, but i really think i am actually ugly.

DP and i hardly have sex any more. I used to do sexy dances for him, i have caught myself doing this lately and thought "what the fuck are you doing?" It doesn't elicit the same _response as it used to, thats for sure - i wonder if it actually turns his stomach.

I know peope will come on here and say - go on a diet, get some exercise, get your hair cut etc, but i just can't see the point - none of that will change my face.

Im just bein realistic, im not attractive any more. There must be other women who feel the same, who are resigned to not being attractive and you see them, plain clothes, comfy shoes - well thats me, all my clothes come from charity shops, i pay alot for my shoes, relatively, because i like comfy shoes.

Its not like im really old, im only 39 i know women older than me who really look good. My friends are pretty, i often wonder why they associate with me - i must make them feel ill.

The thing is, i DID use to be pretty, i was, i really was - had a good figure (if you like busty), i turned heads. I loved it too, christ i was vain - i often used to think i would get punished for it, now i think i was right - serves me right for thinking so much of myself.

I dont bother with nice clothes (cant afford it just now anyway), havent had my hair cut for over two years, possibly even longer. I did cut it myself once, just got hold of a handful and lopped it off. It didnt look too bad.

Dont get me wrong, im not doig the self pity thing, its almost cathartic to accept that my old sexual self is long gone and that i dont have to bother anymore.

really??
Can we do it?
My head is a bit up my bum just now

hambler and imaynot - can I make a suggestion that is really helping me?

I have dieted over the years and I think it's a hiding to nothing. It is just another way of undermining yourself and failing, imho! A diet is ALWAYS doomed to failure

What is helping me is 'healthy habits'. I'm not calorie counting, or counting points, or syns or whatever - I'm just eating what I want (with an emphasis on healthy fruit and veg rather than cream cakes!) but the two main 'habits' that have helped are

1. Not eating after 8pm (helps me sleep better, too)
2. Eating off a smaller plate! I'm still just as full after dinner and have probably eaten half what I was before

obviously exercise would be good here too but I think start off with one or two healthy changes rather than dieting

good luck!

definately not wanting to go on a "diet" per se, i did weight watchers once, yeah i lost 2 stone and was then at quite a healthy weight for me - but i was OBSESSED with food and i felt hungry all the time, not healthy.

What i need to do is start exercising - when i was working before i had DD, i went to the gym every morning - I was still quite big, i think i will never be skinny but i was fit and more toned.

Dittany, these glasses were definately a mistake - i must have had a mental abberation. As soon as i can afford i will be getting a new pair.

When i looked in the mirror tonight i wasn't so horrified, not entirely happy, but i think there is potential for me to look OK.

I am actually quite worried about the whole thing of not understanding how people recognise me - its like i feel my features are very non-descript. Thats not right is it?

I think what makes me the most unhappy is that, when i am feeling OK, i imagine myself, but i don't look how i imagine and it is a bit of a to the system.

just a quickie from me but i don't ever look how i think, i don't know anyone who does. glad to hear you're feeling a bit more positive today.

Could you and your dh exercise together?

If not, go yourself, its just taking that first step through the door though isn't it.
Grit your teeth and do it, you know your going to feel so much better in yourself.

I don't think anyone looks like they imagine they do, I certainly don't, in my head im pretty alright, but when I see a photo of myself its crash and burn! I just don't look anymore and choose to stay with my preferred mental image lol.