To really hate the way i look

[imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy]

I look like a fat frumpy version of vic reeves really. [sorry vic]

I used to be really quite sexy, always a little on the large side (huge bust) but happy with that. To be honest, i don't have so much of a problem with my body, its more my face, well, the whole package really.

How can i look SO different? I'm fat, my hair is lank and greasy (no matter how often i wash it), my skin is awful - it looks dirty all the time. I have excessive facial hair which i waxed off yesterday - ouch! But really, why bother - honestly, i know this seems pathetic, but i really think i am actually ugly.

DP and i hardly have sex any more. I used to do sexy dances for him, i have caught myself doing this lately and thought "what the fuck are you doing?" It doesn't elicit the same _response as it used to, thats for sure - i wonder if it actually turns his stomach.

I know peope will come on here and say - go on a diet, get some exercise, get your hair cut etc, but i just can't see the point - none of that will change my face.

Im just bein realistic, im not attractive any more. There must be other women who feel the same, who are resigned to not being attractive and you see them, plain clothes, comfy shoes - well thats me, all my clothes come from charity shops, i pay alot for my shoes, relatively, because i like comfy shoes.

Its not like im really old, im only 39 i know women older than me who really look good. My friends are pretty, i often wonder why they associate with me - i must make them feel ill.

The thing is, i DID use to be pretty, i was, i really was - had a good figure (if you like busty), i turned heads. I loved it too, christ i was vain - i often used to think i would get punished for it, now i think i was right - serves me right for thinking so much of myself.

I dont bother with nice clothes (cant afford it just now anyway), havent had my hair cut for over two years, possibly even longer. I did cut it myself once, just got hold of a handful and lopped it off. It didnt look too bad.

Dont get me wrong, im not doig the self pity thing, its almost cathartic to accept that my old sexual self is long gone and that i dont have to bother anymore.

shit. x post

I'm that you feel your counsellor doesn't like you

i just htink she is exasperated stubby, we go over the same shit every week, im quite clever so i am guilty of steering the conversation the way I want it to go, tbh, i run rings around her - its almost like a game. ITs not deliberate, but its like verbal jousting. She told me some pretty tough home truths this week - am wondering if she was fucked off because my doctor has reffered me to a pych with a view to getting CBT.

ok so

1. dr has suggested diff meds. i don't know much about this but why would you need diazepam while you change over? can it be done without? i think you should poss rediscuss this with gp.
2. job - can you ease into this by doing a morning of volunteering in some capacity? just to get back into the flow before you have to launch into it later in the year?
3. appearance - find a good, sympathetic mobile hairdresser who will come to you and discuss what would suit you. don't be afraid to ask their opinion. and don't be afraid about your scalp. i'm sure that they have seen it all before.

i think all this goes hand in hand. you are the only person that can do this and your family needs you, your dd needs her mummy and your dp needs his missus. but more than that you need your bloke and your daughter as you sound like you love them both very much.

Sometbing has just hit me thoguh stubby, this week has been really bad for me - and this was the first time in a month that i had seen my counsellor. I wonder what that is telling me.

oh i do chipmunk, they are my life - but im pushing them both away

OP you are my younger prettier twin.
We need to catch a grip and lose some weight.

Two stones each

Are you game to join me? Or is your head not ready?

So what is it telling you OP?

The work thing is scary for me, im highly qualified but lack experience. My counsellor says i should go and get a job in tesco but im too arrogant if im honest. I would think i didnt work for 7 years at uni to stack shelves. Not there is anything wrong with it, but i just feel like i SHOULD be doing more and that people who know about my qualifications with laugh at me if they see me in a job like that. The whole, "who did she think she is" going to uni shit. But to work in the area im qualified seems like another world, what other people do.

lol hambler - I can't do a diet, physically dont feel up to it. Really sorry

i told her exactly that dittany - she said i was lazy - shes not wrong

guys, im going to bed - thank you so much for being there - i do feel a bit better. Maybe i just need to change my glasses, i don't know why i bought them - mental abberation, they just make me look like a cross between vic reeves and that scary woman from the apprentice. Although she isnt fat and ugly.

night then

good night. maybe come back and read this again in the morning with a clearer head?

??dittany

ok pet. i am not really ready either,
Call me when you are

I think you need more than counsellor, you need a psychotherapist who can really get to the bottom of what's causing you to feel the way you do.

Honestly, you sound SO much like me it's very uncanny. I am also scared of work, but although I've got a degree I'd be happy to work in tescos if I thought I could. I couldn't even cope with the stress of a big queue at my till! Seriously, counselling can be helpul as far as it goes, but it's just not enough for what you are experiencing.

I've just started seeing a very good & highly recommended psychotherapist privately, after years of being faffed about by the NHS. She cannot believe that I've had anxiety problems for years, severe PND, a (half-hearted) suicide attempt and NEVER been offered any CBT,or couselling, or anything therapy-related. Oh, I got 6 sessions of 'breathing exercises'

It's a big financial challenge to find an extra £45 a week that it's costing but I'm so fed up of being this way & it affecting my DH & DS that if it helps it will be worth every penny. (Plus i'm very lucky that The Bank of Mum & Dad is helping out)

Have you ever heard of Women in Mind? It's a division of MIND the mental health charity just for women and they can be very helpful with providing info on therapists who specialize in particular issues, and also those who can charge on a sliding scale if you are on low income/benefits etc.

are you changing meds from something like paroxetine or venlafaxine? cos the diazepam will be very handy if so

Thank you everyone for talking to me last night - i found it very useful, got me over a real dip. I still think im dog rough, but i did look in the mirror and think that i have nice eyes today. Had a bath, feel better.

Think i need to start a diet - hambler?

Good, glad to hear it.

I can see this is more than about haircuts and stuff. I hope you persevere with getting it sorted.

But on a superficial level, if you've got nice eyes, a bit of mascara on them will make them really stand out. Enhance the good bits, iyswim.