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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my SIL to move into adjacent house?

23 replies

Momdeguerre · 25/07/2009 16:17

SIL is looking to buy the house which backs onto ours.

We don't live very far from her now - maybe 2 miles - and she is nice but I still feel weird about her buying the house. It will mean that they can see into our garden from their upstairs windows and that we would always be able to see/hear each other when out in the garden.

We get on just fine at the moment but we don't socialise all the time - just the usual family events. She is already joking about putting in a gate so that her DS's can come and go as they please!

OP posts:
Overmydeadbody · 25/07/2009 16:20

YANBU to not want her to, but obviously you can't stop her!

It doesn't have to be any different to any other neighbor though, presumably whoever moves into that houe will be able to see into your back garden etc.?

I think it oculd be a great thing actually, cousins living so close together, always having someone close by for help/chats etc

Tamarto · 25/07/2009 16:27

God that would be my idea of hell.

If she seems serious about the idea, it might be an idea for you to gently point out that you do like your privacy and that a gate is your idea of hell not a great idea.

Original poster
Momdeguerre · 25/07/2009 16:33

True that anyone can see in. Current neighbours can - just that we don't know them so I don't really care. Sounds stupid now that I am writing it down!!

I think she is very excited about the thought of having us so close - which is very nice - but I am certain that it is more for her convenience - her DSs are much older than mine (DS is 1 and hers are 13 and 11) so they don't really have anything in common yet.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 25/07/2009 16:34

You could always move if you really hated her living there.

saggyjuju · 25/07/2009 16:53

its a bit wierd, will your brother be going there aswell or just her? cos it could be difficult aswell as wierd if they were split

Original poster
Momdeguerre · 25/07/2009 16:57

My husbands sister two DSs and her DH - my DH gets on well with his sis but even he is not wild on the idea.

OP posts:
saggyjuju · 25/07/2009 17:00

badmouth her future neighbours to her,anything really that could put them off

TrillianAstra · 25/07/2009 17:02

I wouldn't fancy it either, unless the SIL was actually also my bestest friend and I had met DH through her or something like that.

Original poster
Momdeguerre · 25/07/2009 17:06

Nope, only know each other through my DH - it is not like we don't get on but we don't socialise other than at family events.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 25/07/2009 17:11

If she moves there you will be on AIBU all the time.

Qally · 25/07/2009 17:11

I would absolutely hate it. Privacy is a blessed thing - I'm a bit stunned she doesn't mind, either. Though I suppose it's an enormous compliment to you?

Jux · 25/07/2009 17:12

I think you're going to have to set some boundaries very quickly - preferably before she moves/buys. Ideal would be when she mentions putting in a gate (even if she's doing it jokily) you can take the opportunity that in order to ensure you all continue to get on as well as you do now, that you respect each other's privacy etc. You may even put her off going to that house.

funkymonkeymoo · 25/07/2009 17:23

If it was me I would love it, because we both hate the mil... bitch fest 24/7

Original poster
Momdeguerre · 25/07/2009 17:26

Qally - I think she just really likes the house and she says that it would be most helpful for me to be able to help her keep an eye on the boys. . . ..

Am happy she has found somewhere she really likes just wish it was not so close! I would consider moving - we probably will in the next few years but we would lose so much money on the house right now that we just can't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Momdeguerre · 25/07/2009 17:28

Trillian - so true. . . .

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 25/07/2009 18:09

Won't she also be keeping an eye on your DCs? Or is that sentence her setting you up for a lot of free childcare?

Forester · 25/07/2009 18:15

May be worth mentioning that you don't see yourselves staying in the house for the long term. As if she thinks that one of the advantages of the house is you being so close it may put her off ....

skybright · 25/07/2009 18:19

I don't think it would be as bad as you think if it did happen,handy babysitter for you!

KIMItheThreadSlayer · 25/07/2009 18:26

The only time I would enjoy living next door to my SILs was if my house was next to the crematory

Heated · 25/07/2009 18:34

Jux is right about setting boundaries: a row of leylandii ought to do it.

TheProvincialLady · 25/07/2009 18:40

Razorwire?

branflake81 · 25/07/2009 18:55

I think it sounds like a really nice idea. If you don't have a problem with her and get on OK I don't see why it would be a bad thing.

Original poster
Momdeguerre · 25/07/2009 20:37

I don't think she really minds that we are close - it is certainly not the motivation for her move - she will only consider houses in certain areas because of her DCs school - i knew that meant close but not that close.

She does offer to babysit for us but has yet to be availabe for a date we need. We do babysit for her DCs - not very often but that is more to do with work - we both full time working opposing shifts and she works school hours.

Leylandii sound like a fab plan

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