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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this was a bit rude or just over-sensitive?

31 replies

spicemonster · 25/07/2009 12:37

I just had a conversation with someone who came round to my flat for the first time earlier this week (her DS is 2 like mine so thought he would like to come and play in the garden as they don't have one). I mentioned I was having a bit of a clear out this weekend and she said how good it is to get rid of things. Then she went on to say that she was amazed I was happy to live in such brightly coloured clutter when most people try for a more minimal and monochrome look. The only things that are brightly coloured are my DS's toys - my sofa is dark cream, all the other furniture is plain wood and the walls are pale green. I said that I was going to be pleased when I could most of the toys into his bedroom. Then she asked if I had toys in my bedroom for some reason. I said no and that it was my sanctuary. She said she'd had a peep (WTF? door was pulled to) and that it was rather cosy wasn't it?

So was she basically saying I can't believe you live in such a pigsty do you reckon? I feel a bit disinclined to ask her back now.

OP posts:
dollius · 25/07/2009 12:40

No, she's being bitchy and suggesting that your house is very small. Just ignore, laugh it off to yourself.

"Cosy" ha ha. Euphemism for "unbelievably small - I mean, how does she LIVE like that?"

I, too, would feel disinclined to invite her back.

edam · 25/07/2009 12:43

What a cow!

CybilLiberty · 25/07/2009 12:44

some people are v. weird. Perhaps she was just awkward?

raffyandted · 25/07/2009 12:54

YANBU. I would feel the same as you. Wouldn't suggest someones house was 'brightly coloured clutter' even if I secretly thought so.

Maybe not being deliberatly bitchy, maybe just a bit socially awkward?

I still wouldn't really want to invite her back, though.

NoBiggy · 25/07/2009 12:58

Toys in your bedroom?

What is she driving at?

Bonnycat · 25/07/2009 12:58

Cheeky cow,i am at her "peep"ing into your room,think thats outrageous.Why would anyone think its ok to do that?!

FAQtothefuture · 25/07/2009 13:02

ahh mine is just "cluttered" - suppose some of it's brightly coloured......but mostly just cluttered .

(she's a rude bint and I would be inviting her back in a hurry btw)

Original poster
spicemonster · 25/07/2009 13:08

Oh thank you so much. I'm glad it's not just me. My bedroom is 14ft by 14ft too so it's not exactly poky

OP posts:
Niecie · 25/07/2009 13:10

Get yourself invited round to her house and pull her house apart (even if you had to say you can't imagine how anybody lives somewhere so clinically tidy if it is a show home).

Childish probably but I would feel better.

She is rude. She may not have meant to be but she has been and could do with a fewl lessons in tact. YANBU.

saggyjuju · 25/07/2009 13:16

sad to say cos i am one or was the last time i checked,its just women for you and women at their worst, i think its an art form on how to use hidden meanings in statements you make, i'd love to learn as like you always seem to be on the recieving end of these comments then sit stewing over it and hours later thinking of a comeback,how sad is that

cornsillk · 25/07/2009 13:31

What a cow. I think she is jealous of you.

raffyandted · 25/07/2009 14:49

Maybe...(thinks hard) it's something to to with the garden? You said you invited them because they don't have one to play in and you do. Perhaps (clutches at straws) she is generally a bit insecure and feels like you're suggesting her apartment is not as good as yours, so she is subconsciously trying to 'diss' yours. I'm not saying you were, just that she might think you were...

I did say i was clutching at straws

donnie · 25/07/2009 14:52

anyone who snoops around people's houses the very first visit is Not A Nice Person.AT ALL!!!!

pagwatch · 25/07/2009 14:54

excellent effort by raffyandted

but actually no. I think she was being a cow.

I love cosy houses and would complement someone if I thought theirs was - but i never mean it in terms of size or layout as a huge room can be cosy.
But following on from her looking in a room without invitation and talking about space and clutter etc - she was definately being a cow. Don't invite her again. I wouldn't.

edam · 25/07/2009 16:09

donnie - is it OK the second or third time, then?

Mumcentreplus · 25/07/2009 16:15

she's was a bit of a knob ...wouldn't invite her again tbh ..but maybe she was nervous or something..some people can say stupid things when they are nervous

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 25/07/2009 16:18

I think she was out of order to look in a room where the door was closed. It is one thing just noticing when you come out of the bathroom that a door is open and looking in.

You would be welcome to come round my house and say what you like!

Ripeberry · 25/07/2009 16:29

Cheeky! Maybe she's not been in a flat before? She would be flat on the floor at my house! Every room is a different colour, only the living room has the basic magnolia and brown theme.
The dinning room is light green, the kitchen bright yellow and blue, the downstairs toilet is purple and white.
The hallway, landing and stairs are burn orange, the master bedroom is mid-green, the second bedroom is lilac and pink, third bedroom blue and the bathroom is blue/green.
The carpets are mostly oatmeal coloured.
Dark purple in the kids bedroom.
The worst comment i had from a mum was 'Oh, you like living in organised mess as well'
I had been tidying the house for ages! [angry

Geepers · 25/07/2009 16:37

I agree that opening your bedroom door to look in is out of order. I'd never do that, even if I had known someone for years.

WRT the other comment, it's the kind of thing I'd say without thinking, or meaning anything. I often make comments that I think are positive, but people on here would read too deeply into and think I was trying to convey a bitchy message.

I sometimes think people, especially women, read between the lines too much, and manage to formulate all kinds of meanings that weren't intended and aren't there.

saggyjuju · 25/07/2009 16:37

my first house was a terraced straight onto the pavement outside,when anyone walked down the street they would be millimeteres from my living room window,one neighbour also worked with me and was blatant at telling me she'd seen this or that in my lounge through the window,it was a tiny room so the window directly faced the back wall so in desperation i stuck a poster sized note the height of the window on the wall "F**k OFF" funny she never mentioned seeing that!

TheCrackFox · 25/07/2009 16:52

She sounds very rude.

Do not invite her round to your gaff again.

KiwiKat · 25/07/2009 17:11

Agree with Raffy - she's insecure about her lack of garden and is jealous of you, so is being bitchy so you don't 'get above herself'. I wouldn't invest any more time into cultivating a friendship with someone who is so emotionally manipulative.

donnie · 25/07/2009 19:03

edam - I think once the familiarities are dealt with a little snooping is ok....(wink)

donnie · 25/07/2009 19:06

seriously though, any type of spying is WRONG!!!! I know someone who is obsessed with finding out when people moved into their houses, how much they paid and how much their houses are on the market for. She also googles people and generally intrudes via the internet on people's lives. She is a freak! she had a meeting with the deputy head recently (she is a parent at our dc's school) and secretly recorded it on a dictaphone. Weirdo.

pagwatch · 25/07/2009 19:25

ooh when we first moved in here the woman across the road came over to say hello which was nice.
We had a terrible move as my darling dad died the week before and then DD went into hospital with a life threatening illness - I explained DD and i were just back from hospital.

" oh , I am glad she is better, can I come in and look around/"

I said 'err well no, DD needs to go to bed - plus DS2 has severe autism and is trying to get used to the house - let alone a new person coming in'

" oh" she said " can I come and look tomorrow. My DH would like to come too"

I have avoided her like the plague ever since and can do the stretch of pavement past her front door in a time that would have been impressive at Crystal Palace today.

People who are so nosey that they can't even try to be polite are weird.

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