to not be prepared to brush things under the carpet anymore?

[saggyjuju]

my husbands family,most of which are very good people,have such a wierd way of life,we are in dispute legally with one member of his family and if things go the whole way it would mean we will have to give details about this member of family that the rest of the family know about but choose to ignore because then it cant be real,sort of attitudeif we do give all details we will have to expose the sources of imformation which will put other family members in a very tricky situation,mainly emotionally,also the family member we are in dispute with is involved with some dodgy stuff and people and as a character aspect we will have to expose this as the person in question is portraying a very differant type of person to what they really are... so sorry i have to be vague,but will we be going too far?

Why is the legal dispute so important? What would the implications be if you let things be and everybody lives and let lives?

Why is the legal dispute so important? What would the implications be if you let things be and everybody lives and let lives?

not so simple there have been alot of stuff they have done over 20-30 years,mainly the person just being a bully and terrorising the family emotionally and yes physically,not so often physical,but in short scaring people so they can do and say just what they want to.our dispute with them does involve our children and their wellbeing around this person,we have no doubts in our mind we are for the longterm doing the right thing,but i know if things continue legally alsorts will have to come out and so many,in fact all my husbands family,will be dragged into it.

Can you just cut contact with the relevant person or do you have to go ahead with the legal dispute?

Sounds messy.

Agree, sounds messy. Only you know if it will all be worth it.

would love to cut contact and its not us going legal,we are just the ones now with a hefty bill whilst they get legal aid,hence why there wasnt any action taken when they earned to much to qualify for aid,holy you have been on a post before i was under another name because of this,you were spot on thanks,but i really worry that its just a car crash waiting to happen and that if we could we would leave out details but 30 years on its not got my husbands family in a better place for ignoring stuff that this person does

Hmmmm, difficult to answer. Maybe the other members have been ignoring this thing because it makes their lives easier or that it doesn't affect them in the same way it affects you.

Would it be more messy to talk to the people concerned and explain to them that you are in a position where you have no choice but to spill the beans and that you wish it were not like that? If that would make things worse, I can see why you'd not want to do that and definitely don't do it if it has any legal implications.

Sounds like this person has you in a catch 22 situation, darned if you do, darned if you don't.

Maybe this is no consolation but after the dust has settled, the ones that stand by you are the ones worth caring about. This might be a situation where you find out who your real friends/family are so to speak. People who know you well and who respect you, will understand that you are doing the best you can given the circumstances.

we have tried,and realise that its as though this is where each family member sits in this certain place and it can never be changed the order of things has to stay no matter how bad they are and we are now trying to change that order,wierd but we look like the aggressors

So just walk away from all of them. Life is way too short to spend it on people who don't treat you well.

we are doing the walking we just got a tagalong we cant shake off,we tried to keep things together for the familys sake but sadly we have to keep going our way now and morloth your another one,not sure if you've been on one of my posts,but you give good advice there are some loons on here for sure!!

I think many posters take things personally and get too emotionally involved in threads, hence them coming off as Loons when they are not really, just a bit excitable.

Best to keep things at arm's length really.