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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really annoyed that my SIL has chosen her own nickname for my DD

98 replies

luckymoray · 23/07/2009 09:05

not a nickname as such but an abbreviation of her name that i really, really hate. she now calls her by this name all the time, as do her children. it's a really posh-style nickname and makes her sound like a 16-year-old public-school lacrosse player (she is 2)...when in fact her real name is quite short anyway and lovely and normal.

Should I just get over it?!!

OP posts:

Paolosgirl · 23/07/2009 14:57

Mustsleep - NOTHING wrong with William, I love the name, but round here it's often shorted to Willie or Wullie. There was no way on this earth I was going to have that...!

mustsleep · 23/07/2009 15:11

lol yeah that's no my fave nickname we are trying to encourage Will

MaybeAfterBreakfast · 23/07/2009 15:19

My SIL calls ds1 by 2 nicknames (both longer than his real name and quite silly). I don't like either, but it doesn't bother me that she does it. It is an affectionate thing to my mind.

She has a nn for ds2 too, but it is the same one that we use (more than his real name, and nothing like it), so that's fine!

CakeForBreakfast · 23/07/2009 16:35

I'm in the same boat with my dd. My in laws have their own shortened version of her name which I LOATHE.

However, I have to suck it up, as they did ask if they could call her this, and since I want dd to have her own relationships with extended family, I felt I couldn't really police her nicknames. (Even though I really really do loathe it!!)

What I do is not indulge it further. I call her by her true name in front of them, cards are signed with her true name, not their preferred nickname and so on. I'm hoping it will just filter through.

My in laws though are such a nice placid bunch, they must really hate dd's true name to be so bold as to ask to call her something else!!!!

KembleTwins · 23/07/2009 16:46

I've got identical twins, so often people don't call them anything for fear of getting them muddled up and being embarrassed...

My Dad called me Jo, which isn't an abbreviation of my name at all.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 23/07/2009 20:06

Its the sameish sort of thing with my niece.
She is called Bethia. We all call her by her full name, but her father (he and my sister are divorced) calls her Bez. I bloody hate it as does my sister but she is far to placid to say anything to him

I on the other hand always say something about her not being a dodgy tambourine waver from some 90's britpop band whenever I hear him call it her. But he is her father so I dont have a leg to stand on!! Doesnt stop me moaning about it though!

motherbeyond · 23/07/2009 20:28

katie-am not suggesting i would advocate the kicking of nads where my children are concerned...and i would probably not kick my brothers nads either...hmm, maybe a glasgow kiss instead
i definitley think it's down to the parent when the dc's are young.
My friend has a william,and i know for sure that if anyone called him billy,she'd go friggin mental!
i was taken aback a few weeks ago to learn that my step-sister (of about 12 years) who is called sally..is NOT called sally at all,but sarah wtf?!!!could not get my head around why they'd called her sarah if they were going to call her sally...strange!!

Paolosgirl · 24/07/2009 08:20

She can go 'friggin mental' (charming) all she likes, but I'm sure he will get called Billy - or Bill, Willie, Wullie (if he's in Scotland at an point), Wills etc etc. Why give your child a name that has common abbreviations that you can't stand?

seeker · 24/07/2009 10:29

sally is a recognized abbreviation for Sarah.

It doesn't matter what your friends and family call your child unless it's poo-head. Stop being so control freak-y about it (those of you that are!)

LoveBeingAMummy · 24/07/2009 11:46

UABU its a term of endearment

Chrysanthemum5 · 24/07/2009 12:17

YANBU to dislike it, but if it really upsets you then you are BU by not saying anything. Your SIL is probably doing it out of affection, not because she has any awareness that you hate it. So help her out by saying something. My SIL always called DC1 by a nickname, and her DCs did as well. It didn't bother me, but one day DC1 turned round and said he hated it - SIL stopped straight away

skybright · 24/07/2009 12:34

I don't think i would mind that much TBH but if i did i think i would start calling my MIL any sort of shortened nickname from her own name.

I guess she would take the hint then.

Morloth · 24/07/2009 12:36

I have to admit I just cannot grasp being upset at someone using a term of endearment and affection with my DS. It just seems so bizarre.

PlumBumMum · 24/07/2009 12:42

My name can be shortened and my mother was so admant that no-one was to call me by the shortened version when I was younger,
no-one ever does or did and if anyone I meet now tries to call me it I always correct them right away(although it happens very rarely)

I think you should say to your SIL politely that you prefer her to be called ??????

edam · 24/07/2009 12:43

It's not just children where nicknames can be sensitive issues. I accidentally, without meaning anything by it, fell into abbreviating my (adult) sister's name. Which was already an abbreviation of her full Christian name.

Was very embarrassed when my mother rang me up to tell me to stop as my sister hated it!

purpleduck · 24/07/2009 12:44

I remember using a nick name for my nephew and my sister made me stop (I was only 12).

Now, I think that I have my OWN relationship with my neices and nephews, as will (hopefully) my children have a relationship with their relatives that are independant of me.

I think its lovely - these are the sort of things that can help people feel closer to someone. I'd leave it

MorrisZapp · 24/07/2009 12:47

YABU

Unless of course it's downright cruel. ie like my friend who has an adorable DS called Jonathan. She calls him 'Jonty'.

Which in urban Scotland is a bit like wearing a sign saying 'steal my crisps and beat me up'.

PeedOffWithNits · 24/07/2009 14:37

Im with the OP, we gave our children names with abbreviations we would use all the time except on formal documents etc, so that they can use either/both when old enough to choose

if someone else gave them another abbreviation of their name, not just a nickname like pickle or poppet or sweetiepie, I would NOT be happy about it.

as for saying let the child decide when they are old enough, is a 10 yr old suddenly going to turn round and question why granny calls them X when mummy calls them Y - it will become NORMAL, and if the parents do not want that name, they should say

what if it was a teacher giving your child an abbreviation you did not like - just cos it is family doesn't mean it is OK. It is like they are saying "well I don't like the name you chose so i will call them X instead"

edam · 24/07/2009 15:18

Actually if a 10yo is bothered by what an adult calls them, they are quite capable of sorting it out.

I changed back to my given name when I was 7, after discovering the one I was known by was a nick-name - no-one had ever told me what I was really called! (At least, my Mother is sure she had, but it came as news to me...).

Now I regret being quite so vehement about family NOT calling me Katie any more, but think my real name suits me better for adult life (and no, it's not Katherine).

PeedOffWithNits · 25/07/2009 10:12

edam, yes a 10 yr old is able to ask an adult not to use a certain name - eg if teacher or new friend were to use an abbreviation they did not like. I was forever having to tell people my name was with an S not a Z (they would say it with a Z even though spelt with an S)

What i meant was that in the case of a child whose aunt/gran has ALWAYS insisted on calling them something different, they are unlikely to ask them to stop, because it will be just what aunt/gran always HAS called them

a cute NICKNAME is entirely different from an alternative abbreviation of their actual NAME

edam · 25/07/2009 12:00

Mine was sort of related to my actual name, rather than being completely different. STILL wasn't very impressed when I discovered it wasn't my real name, though!

Alambil · 25/07/2009 14:05

My name has an abbreviation that my mother loathes... I was always known by my full name and even still have a dislike for the shortened version that everyone with my name uses!

I ignore people who shorten my name - not deliberately, but I just don't seem to respond to the short version cos it just isn't my name!

my dad calls my DS Fred... his name is nothing even remotely similar.... it's just his nickname, which I don't mind at all and funnily enough, only grandpa is allowed to call him it!

maggievirgo · 25/07/2009 14:20

My friend had this. Another child KEPT calling her child Oscar Orange. She was gettign fed up. Other kids were calling him Oscar orange because of this one older boy. Older boy's mum thought it was sweet. So she started calling him Hairy Harvey. That nipped that in the bud.

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