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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really annoyed that my SIL has chosen her own nickname for my DD

98 replies

luckymoray · 23/07/2009 09:05

not a nickname as such but an abbreviation of her name that i really, really hate. she now calls her by this name all the time, as do her children. it's a really posh-style nickname and makes her sound like a 16-year-old public-school lacrosse player (she is 2)...when in fact her real name is quite short anyway and lovely and normal.

Should I just get over it?!!

OP posts:
barleycorn · 23/07/2009 10:17

Ds's cousins started calling him an abbrieviated version of his name - and as it's only 1 syllable I thought it'd never happen and hated it. However, ds loves it and sometimes introduces himself as this (I then give his real name but he doesn't mind, he's only 2). As long as you don't use it at home, it probably won't catch on. If you're that bothered, why not say something gently to SIL? She probably has no idea that you hate it.

katiestar · 23/07/2009 10:19

Really ? what are you going to do when their friends call them it at school ? Kich them in the 'nads too ?And the more you make your DC think it is a horrid nickname , the more their peers will call them it ?

Rollergirl1 · 23/07/2009 10:25

I agree with Motherbeyond. I think it's actually really rude to abbreviate someone elses name if you haven't already heard it being used by the person/parents. And why should you just live with it? It makes a complete mockery of naming your child in the first place. Otherwise people might aswell go around calling other people by whatever the hell they fancy.

On the other hand I think affectionate nicknames are quite cute.

seeker · 23/07/2009 10:29

Children belong to families. They have relationships with their extended family that have nothing to do with their parents. This goes for nicknames as well.

Save the "annoyance" for something that matters.

Morloth · 23/07/2009 10:30

Why extend any effort or thought into being annoyed about something like this?

If you name your kid with a name that has a really common nickname people are going to use that nickname.

daisy99divine · 23/07/2009 10:30

or you could send your DD to a public school where she'll play lacrosse and "grow into" her name nicely!

mustsleep · 23/07/2009 10:33

what's wrong with William lol??

I think that if you really don't like her being called by the nickname just mention it in passing to your sil I doubt it will have been done deliberatley to offend you

All three of my kids names can be shortened and I don;t honestly mind most of the nicknames they could have but did veto some of the names for them when we were name picking cos I didn't like the shortened versions iykwim cos at some point you'll have a house full of their maes calling them by the nickname

myredcardigan · 23/07/2009 10:47

I think a lot of people are being quite hard on the OP here.
She has chosen a name she likes for her still very young child and is annoyed that her sis is using another name that she doesn't like. Why is that unreasonable?

My daughter is Lizzie (Elizabeth). If someone just started calling her Beth, I'd be annoyed as that wasn't the name I gave her. She's Elizabeth or Lizzie. I'm sure parents of Beths wouldn't like their DDs to be called Lizzie either.

If we start saying it's unreasonable to expect family to call your child the name you've given them (whilst very young)then it makes a mockery of naming your child at all.

katiestar · 23/07/2009 10:48

If its a well known abbreviation and you hate it so much , how could it have not enetered your mind when you were naming her ?

Morloth · 23/07/2009 10:49

But why would you call your children Elizabeth if you were going to get your knickers in a twist about Beth?

Same with William, Bill & Billy are extremely common abbreviations, it is going to happen.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 23/07/2009 10:50

Rollergirl1 - see it works!
Spudface?
Is her name Spududella really for long?

myredcardigan · 23/07/2009 10:55

Well surely people use nicknames as a shortening?

As I said, My Elizabeth is Lizzie. Why would people start calling her Beth? That's not to say I don't fully expect it to end up being shortened to Liz in future. That's inevitable and if I'd disliked Liz I wouldn't have called her Lizzie. Beth is very different.

My brother is Andrew. Mum always called him Andrew. He always gets Andy from everyone else. I'd find it strange if someone started calling him Drew as it just isn't his name. Though, like with Beth, I've heard Andrews known as Drew before.

Nothing wrong with either Beth or Drew just not their names.

seeker · 23/07/2009 10:55

If your child is called Elizabeth, then they are going to be called all the abbreviations available - unless the child concerned minds. It's the child's name, not the mother's - it's up to he child to object if she doesn't like it.

Morloth · 23/07/2009 11:01

Because you are going to write her name down somewhere and someone else who has a different association with the name Elizabeth is going to see Beth as the obvious shortening rather than Lizzy. So they are going to use it.

Beth is as much a short version of Elizabeth as Lizzy is.

myredcardigan · 23/07/2009 11:03

And I don't mind really, esp now she's older. If someone called her Beth she would just tell them that that is not her name. If she wanted to be called Beth, that would be her choice.

But, I do think it's very rude of someone to start addressing someone else's child by their own version of that child's name. It is not for me to change or abbreviate the name of another person's child. Not even a family member.

And actually I think when that child is still very little, the name (or version of it) is still very important to the parent.

paranoidpiggy · 23/07/2009 11:06

I hate this. I have a Matthew that some members of dp's family insist on calling Matt. He's a baby, I'm sure I won't mind as much when he's older but for now his name is Matthew. Makes me irrationally angry too.

Stigaloid · 23/07/2009 11:06

Hmmm when people started abbreviating my son's name i used to get annoyed as i never shortened it myself but then i got over myself. I don't own my child. He is an individual and the nicknames are said out of love and affection. We have a nickname for him too and he knows both what his full name is and what his nickname is. As long as people talk to him with love and affection i don't mind.

My nickname was Moo growing up. It then turned into Moaney Moo as i approached puberty.

myredcardigan · 23/07/2009 11:08

I know it is. It's just not the shortening I have chosen to use. As she gets older she can chose the shortening she likes. If she doesn't like Lizzie, she can choose Beth or Eliza or Liz or ask to be called Elizabeth.

But I just see it as polite, when a child is very young, to use the name given by the parent. That's all.

You make it sound like I have a problem with Beth? I don't. I just like Lizzie and would probably have been upset had someone taken it upon themselves to change it. Luckily, I never encountered anyone rude enough to refer to my 'baby' Lizzie as Beth.

Morloth · 23/07/2009 11:09

Stigaloid "As long as people talk to him with love and affection i don't mind."

Exactly.

Say my kid was named, William. I would probably use Will. But if mum started calling him Billy I wouldn't care because she loves him and will have a separate relationship with him, from the one I do. Now if she started calling him Greg I would think she was a bit mad.

Stigaloid · 23/07/2009 11:11

Morloth - my brother is called David but got nicknamed Billy by everyone at school as it rhymed with our surname. Got very confusing when people phoned up asking for Billy but we soon got used to it.

bruffin · 23/07/2009 11:11

You may have chosen the name, but it stops being yours the moment the child is born. The name belongs to your child not you.

Have you asked your dd if she likes being called that nickname or not?

daisy99divine · 23/07/2009 11:16

oh Morloth, you remind me, I used to work with a girl called Mary. But her Dad called her "Sal". I asked why. She said I had never even stopped to ask, it's just his name for me

mayorquimby · 23/07/2009 11:16

yab-completely-u

TwoHot · 23/07/2009 11:17

If you leave it too long you wont be able to correct their habit. I would politly hint that its not her name, then drop it, as its not the end of the world and the children may not be able to kick the nickname by now. However, I would sign all cards with the correct name.

We have the opposite problem, my derainged step MIL (yes I have more than one!) insists on EVERY visit on asking what our son's name will be shortened to, despite us signing his cards the same way every time! Its not like we dont see her often. Its as if she doesnt like his name and is ever hopeful we will have changed it!

seeker · 23/07/2009 11:18

I know I'm going to get jumped on for this, but I do think this is another symptom of the "don't touch/tell off/talk to or otherwise interact with my child without my express permission" syndrome you see so often. Children are part of their nuclear family, their extended family, their community and ultimately, if you are as hippy-ish as me, the world. They have relationships with all these groups, and identities within them If that means different nicknames, then so be it.

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