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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really annoyed that my SIL has chosen her own nickname for my DD

98 replies

luckymoray · 23/07/2009 09:05

not a nickname as such but an abbreviation of her name that i really, really hate. she now calls her by this name all the time, as do her children. it's a really posh-style nickname and makes her sound like a 16-year-old public-school lacrosse player (she is 2)...when in fact her real name is quite short anyway and lovely and normal.

Should I just get over it?!!

OP posts:
pasturesnew · 23/07/2009 11:20

I think it's nice to have different nicknames from different people, it's a sign of affection and group bonding and acceptance. NNs don't have to make any sense and I don't think people confuse them with their actual names.

I enjoy being called all sorts from e.g. home, school, uni and DH, some of them are not related to my name at all e.g. a friend calls me the "monster from the blue lagoon" because I have blue eyes and DH often calls me "ace" short for "[pasturesnew]face".

I had a friend at school called Paul whose nn was "Dush" because, er, he didn't walk like a duck.

Equally my brothers and I call each other various names other people don't use e.g. similar to if one bro was Edward and our parents used "Teddy" we would sometimes use "Eddie" or "Ed" and then one bro was called e.g. "Ted" at school because he was Edward's bro.

Boys often get called by their surnames by their friends anyway once they start school so I am not sure how much control you can have in naming a son!

Morloth · 23/07/2009 11:24

That is funny daisy.

We call the boy "The Boy" and will often say "Boy, stop doing that". Looking at it written down and out of context it probably seems a bit mean but within our family context it is an affectionate nickname.

Though I am pretty sure when he was little he though his name was "No!".

francagoestohollywood · 23/07/2009 11:30

I'm sorry but I think YABU. But I do realize that lots of people seem to be pretty particular about names.

seeker · 23/07/2009 11:30

We have Boy here too. And Girl!

We also have Child and Other Child.

My father called me Esmeralda!

pasturesnew · 23/07/2009 11:30

lol Morloth I was also "The Girl" as a child!

pasturesnew · 23/07/2009 11:32

Had a friend whose family nns were Cat, Dog, Puppy and Kitten (my friend) - sadly her brother died aged 16 so the balance of nns was lost.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 23/07/2009 11:39

My ds is The Man. Or The Chap.

Its cute when my dd talks about 'The Man' to other people. Sorry - adorable child moment.

Saucepanman · 23/07/2009 11:43

Initial reaction was YANBU, however I then realised that I do this a lot so hope I am not p-ing everyone off! Had a friend at primary school called Jessica, her mother actively and ferociously told people not to call her Jess, instead she preferred the nn "Jay"- a bit confusing aged 5!

CyradisTheSeer · 23/07/2009 11:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SoupDragon · 23/07/2009 11:44

Is it PongoPoohead?

No? Then it really doesn't matter.

macdoodle · 23/07/2009 11:46

You are totally BU and a OTT to boot,do you have nothing more important to get stressed about
My lovely lovely little sis, calls me DD2 the most vile nickname, doesnt bother me in the least, I know she loves her to bits

macdoodle · 23/07/2009 11:47

ooh sorry when I mean vile I dont mean vile I man I dont like it
DD2 is Lily she calls her Lillikins!!!

Morloth · 23/07/2009 11:52

hehe we use The Man as well. Whereas I just get called The Boss.

bronze · 23/07/2009 11:57

I'm with seeker.

Chances are as she gets older she'll get called something entirely different like my brother who was called Bod which has no connection to his names.

We chose James for ds2 and though we call him Jamie (or Jimbob) we did it knowing that we didn't mind if he became Jimmy/Jim/Jem/Jamie

CyradisTheSeer · 23/07/2009 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
luckymoray · 23/07/2009 12:44

wow, i thought noone would reply!!! of course i know it's not a huge issue in the grand scheme of life, but the AIBU thread is surely there to query lots of things...big and small...i shall be off to sweat the big stuff now!

OP posts:
MovingOutOfBlighty · 23/07/2009 12:47

Of course not Lucky - the more trivial the better!

norfolklass · 23/07/2009 13:49

Don't think you are being unreasonable at all tbh. My DS has a name which can be shortened and he gets called his proper name and the shortened version but as already mentioned on here there is another version of his name which I would be really upset about if someone called him that at the moment...he's 4.6 btw! If when he is 15 or so and he decides that he wants to be called something else than that is fine but I thought very long and hard to find a name that I liked which had a way of being shortened which I also liked so wouldn't expect someone to call him by a completely different name.

I think a nickname is an affectionate term for someone ie my parents used to called me Squiggles all the time when I was small (cause I could never keep still lol!) but thats a completely different thing to calling someone by a different name even if it is derived from their own name (does that make sense lol??!)

girlsyearapart · 23/07/2009 13:59

Yep. My niece is called Isabella and my sister wanted it either kept long or shortened to Issy/Izzy. But everyone else prefers Bella, her older siblings and my own dd1 who is a few months older than her call her Bella so it has stuck. Just realised my sister could possibly be a bit peeved..

Rollergirl1 · 23/07/2009 14:11

DH calls our DS Big Dog. His Dad absolutely hates it as he thinks calling your child a dog is derogatory. My hubby says that he is his child and he will call him what he wants. He also calls DD Princess Bogey-holes because he knows it really really irritates her.

Everyone gets nicknames in our family and if anything you'd be offended if you didn't have one.

kando · 23/07/2009 14:13

My dds all have names which can be shortened - we called dd1 Katharyn with a view to shortening it to Katie, but it just never happened. We have various "family" nicknames for her which she likes, but at school her friends have started calling her "Kathie" which I don't really like at all. At the end of the day, it's HER name and if as long as she's happy with what people are calling her, it's not something to stress about. DD3 (aged 3) is Elizabeth, we originally thought she'd be known as "Beth" - I asked if she liked Lizzie or Betty as a shortened name, and she chose Betty!! To the OP - if you really hate the shortened name, then you should say something!

Tobermory · 23/07/2009 14:27

seeker My dad called me Esmerelda too.....!!!

myredcardigan · 23/07/2009 14:34

Tosh!
I'm very big on community parenting and would happily tell another child off for being really naughty or dangerous. In return, I would expect other adults to reasonably reprimand my 3 if they were acting dangerously or being particularly naughty.

This is completely different. I'm not looking at it from the POV of the parents. Rather I'm thinking why would anyone else change the given name of a child when they are still so little. We're not talking about children going to school and classmates shortening/lengthening/changing a child's name. We're talking about a young toddler. Personally, I just think it's rude.

zipzap · 23/07/2009 14:49

COuld you not start calling her children something different in the same vein as she is doing to your daughter and see if they get the hint? If any of them query it, you can say that you thought that, as they were calling your dd a different name, that they would have wanted you to call them a different name too .

my dh calls himself one thing, his father uses a different abbreviation, that I just never ever associate with my dh. Nearly caused a major family incident at our wedding when FIL (bearing in mind that we very rarely see him, the wedding was maybe the third time I had met him in 10+ years!) asked where XX was (which co-incidentally is the name of two very good friends of ours) so I asked him which one he was talking about and he said the one I had just got married to. At which point I insisted I hadn't, he insisted that I had... All turned into a big hoohah, guess was probably funnier in hindsight if you were there and difficult to recount, but it is very bizzare arguing with your FIL about who you got married to earlier in the day when he seems to be insisting that you married someone completely different. And all because of different nicknames.

I don't think you are BU to have a preference for nicknames from a longer name - and it would be one thing if you called your daughter Lizzie and they called her something from that 'family' of nicknames, like liz or liza or lizzielou etc but if they go off down a completely different path - like beth or betty - no matter how nice it is, it just doesn't seem right or like your daughter. Especially when your daughter is still pretty young, I think parents can decide on a direction for nicknames (silly funny ones like ickle monkey or snotty toes etc aside!) - it's up to the child to change direction when they get old enough.

And Teach your daughter to ignore them when they call her the wrong name too!

roxytoff · 23/07/2009 14:55

My SIL did the same with my DD's name and sortened it to something i really don;t like. I appreciate that her friends may call her this when she is at school but I'd rather family didn't. So I told my SIL and she occasionally accidently still does it but she knows I don't like it and so respects that. Your SIL should respect your wishes. Tell her and yes if you have to put up with it when your lo is 15 years old its still a long way off! good luck!